Living arrangements

(17 Posts)
Spanglyprincess1 Wed 09-May-18 14:26:01

I'm aware this is a rant but I am livid.
Three step kids here aprox 50% of time we are in a small house and are looking to move into something much bigger next year once we have saved up. Youngest two, one female and one male, sleep in bunk beds and eldest in the single bed as he goes to bed later and dosnt disturb younger two this way.
Other half comes back from ex wife's with kids and annonces youngest child (f) is now having the single bed. Apparently she was upset and his ex wife said this had to be changed to accomadate her and she was threatening not to go to daddy's else. I wasn't consulted.
Eldest seemed upset and over dinner said something about being upset as it was his bed. Turns out he wasn't asked either if it was ok and its his bed - always has been. There been no issues previously and these sleeping arrangements have always been this way. Ex wife was messaged to say he was upset and response was 'he will get over it'.
I'm livid on his behalf and over fact it wasn't discussed with me. It's completely unfair on him and stinks of favoratism. I probbaly didn't help as I said it was a trial and if everyone wasn't happy it would go back, and I meant it.

My other half can't understand why I'm so angry both on my own and his sons behalf!
I understand that arrangments are not ideal but it's only for a short while as we are moving early next year. I'm also concerned about a young child being allowed to dictate at the detriment of their siblings needs.

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Spanglyprincess1 Wed 09-May-18 14:27:11

Probbaly should add all the children are under ten.

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Allthebestnamesareused Wed 09-May-18 14:30:05

My reply would depend on how old the children actually are.

I also wonder whether you are upset on the boy's behalf or just don't like being dictated to by the ex. By the way I am a step parent, parent of my own and a parent jointly with my new DH before you think I am step mum bashing.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Wed 09-May-18 14:30:37

Is the single bed in a different room than the bunk beds?

SunshineAfterRain Wed 09-May-18 14:32:41

(I say this from a mum who's child has a step mother)
Where the children sleep in you and your dp home is none of her business- unless it's to do with safety or he/shes around puberty.
Your husband should have defiantly spoke with you.
And the prior arrangement seemed to make sense to me to be honest.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 09-May-18 14:33:01

But still how old are each of them. Personally I would put the same sex together.

SunshineAfterRain Wed 09-May-18 14:34:35

Could it be mum wanted boys in one room and girl in a room and you dp didn't explain it's great ?


Spanglyprincess1 Wed 09-May-18 14:34:43

6,7 and 10.
The two youngest go bed at same time and oldest later. Hence the arrangments as otherwise they might wake up others

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Spanglyprincess1 Wed 09-May-18 14:35:27

It's one big room they all share. We don't have a big enough home - but are actively working on fixing it!

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Happyandyouknowitclapclap Wed 09-May-18 14:41:26

We have 2 girls and a boy, the younger girl and boy are a year apart but its always been the girls sharing a room and the boy on his own.

My 5 year old daughter is starting to get self conscious changing sometimes (doesn't care a lot of the time but will sometimes say to look away or close eyes because its private when getting changed).

The natural progression to wanting some privacy doesn't suddenly start at puberty and I wouldn't be forcing a girl past toddler age to share a room with a boy.

Happyandyouknowitclapclap Wed 09-May-18 14:44:39

If they're all in the same room that changes things as it won't really give her more privacy having the single bed. Has she given a reason for it?

If shes on the bottom bunk could you pick some pretty fabric with her and make a cover around the bottom bunk that she can pull round for some privacy?

Spanglyprincess1 Wed 09-May-18 14:46:36

There isn't a chocie unfortunately ref sharing until next year when they will be in seperated rooms. This so about the lack of consultation now and the eldest effectively feeling like he's being punished as he wasn't asked about it and his feelings (his words).
Obviously longer term the boys will share and the girl will have sep rooms as it's easier - or even all sep rooms depending on what we can afford but that's not the issue right now as it isn't possible.

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SunshineAfterRain Wed 09-May-18 14:47:45

Sorry I didn't realise they were all in the same room.
It seems a lot of fuss and suffling for them all to be in the same room just a different bed.

Spanglyprincess1 Wed 09-May-18 14:48:17

Sorry messages crossed over. She's never ever raised being unhappy with arrangments here, that's what's so strange. She has nice girly bedding her own seperated blankets ontop and toys and seperated coloured drawers to match.

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user1493413286 Sat 12-May-18 07:44:43

Totally agree that his ex wife shouldn’t be dictating what happens in your house; all she needed to do was let your DP know his DD was upset and then leave you all to sort it out.
It’s not fair on your DSS and dangerous to let a child dicitate what they want with the threat of not coming to visit. My DSD went through a stage of saying she wouldn’t come next time when told off or told couldn’t do something (ie.have a chocolate biscuit just before dinner etc) and we came down quite hard on her telling her that it was an unkind thing to say and wasn’t acceptable to say this.

TwoDots Sat 12-May-18 09:34:12

Why on Earth is your husband letting his ex dictate what happens in YOUR home?! The ex has massively overstepped here

Sunshinewouldbenice Sat 12-May-18 15:47:07

Is she 6 ? Have you asked her why? My daughter didn't like sharing with her brother once she got to about 8.

Is there anything you can do easily to give her some space? A partition in the room? Any potential space in the loft?

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