And therein lies the problem OP - you justify your actions by stating there were justifiable reasons - for who?
You do not give a shit about his EX, gave him an ultimatum and you won. Someone somewhere lost.
And that you are still together for 10 yrs.
Either way - someone did not know, was not expecting and got hurt - big style.
there is NO justification for starting a relationship, when in a relationship and particularly not when one of you is married.
My EX - had two affairs and then went off with the second OW. 4 yrs down the line, he wants back in!!!!!!
What can I say - as the scorned wife of 15 yrs. We had 2 DCS under 4 yrs - both planned and agreed. I have a chronic illness. My parent and sibling both had cancer, one died one survived, I was ill, one DC ended up on PICU and he had an affair with a family friend -because I did not give him enough attention.
I was running on empty and he felt neglected - whoopee fucking dooo! OW - and ex friend knew how shagged I was, driving my parent and sibling to radio and chemo, trying to hold down a job.
His excuses to friends included none of those issues - OW knew what was going on.
Two families destroyed because of the actions of two selfish cunts. She is now back with her EX and he wants back with me - no chance in hell of that happening!
So what would you like me to say -wish there was more honesty on the SM forum and less of telling the EX to get over it and move on.I ahve moved on - lovely new DP who we are in the process of blending families.
No one male or female gets over the gut wrenching feeling that someone you trusted has betrayed you. It destroys your self esteem, your beliefs and the future one minute you thought you had for you and your family. That idiots on this forum expect the man or woman who has been hurt,to show greater morals and behaviour than the wankers who destroyed their lives - talk absolute rubbish. It takes time and alot pf processing to get to a point of calm and moving on.
SO OW /OM - do not give your EX a hard time,let them process, consider, grieve and move on. It happens but at a different pace for allof us who ahve been treated like crap.
Is that what you wanted to hear OP?