DSS is 8 and DS is 17mo. DH and I have been together for 7 years, I've been helping parent DSS for 6 years. I love him very much and try my best to treat both boys equally.
The boys play together really well generally however DSS keeps all his toys in his room, where DS does not go. All of DS's toys are downstairs because he is so young. DSS has the option of keeping things downstairs but is asked to keep anything special upstairs so DS cannot break it. As such, DSS keeps everything upstairs and so DS has no access to any of DSS's things (which is fair enough!).
DSS plays with a lot of DS's toys, including a small ride on toy that he is far too big for (DSS is the size of a 10yo). I ask him not to because he might break it, which he listens to until the next week when he does it again.
This morning both joys were playing with a toy with some cars that DSS then picked up and put out of DS's reach so he could play with it himself. I asked him to put it back on the floor so DS could play too, since it was his toy. DSS did this, but then took all the toy cars away from DS to play with himself. Every time DS would pick up a car, DSS would take it off of him.
I asked DSS to come away and stop playing with it - I said that although they need to share, he needs to respect that it is DS's toy and he was stopping him from playing with it, when DS never plays with DSS's toys. He started sulking when I asked him how he would feel if DS was playing with DSS's toys and not letting him play. He often does this - just sits there pulling a face when asked a question he doesn't like the answer to.
I asked him for an answer, at which point DH walked in and went ballistic at me. Said that if I thought that this was the worst thing DSS could possibly do then I had another thing coming. I know that there's much worse than this, but I still don't think DSS was being kind and asked him to apologise, and from now on he is to ask DS if he can play with his toys rather than just doing it seeing as though we keep DS away from DSS's toys. DH said this was ridiculous as DS is too young to say yes or no to DSS playing with him, which is right but i think that DS should still be treated with the same respect that DSS is treated with.
When DSS still didn't apologise, I did lose my temper a bit - explained that the day before when DS had bit DSS I told him not to and asked him to apologise to DSS (by giving him a kiss as he can't say sorry), so its not as if I'm expecting more from DSS than I am from DS.
Basically DH is angry at me for making a mountain out of a molehill, but this has only happened because DH stepped in and got angry. I expect both the boys to treat each other and each other's things with respect and I am fed up of DS getting the shit end of the deal whilst DSS can do what he wants without any interference. DH has always disciplined his son when necessary but since DS came along he doesn't any more and I know it's because he is scared of DSS saying something to his mum about being told off, and his mum using it against DH because she thinks DS is struggling to adjust with us having a second child (even though she has another child a month older than ours).
I just don't know what to do any more. J feel like I can't discipline DSS without DH having a go at me, but I look after DSS a lot whilst DH is at work and I'm not having him picking on my son, especially when I pull DS up on his behaviour when he is unkind to DSS.
I know this is a DH problem, he admitted this morning after the argument that this is new to him and he is struggling with getting the right balance, but I can't put up with the constant arguing any time I dare to say a word against DSS.
I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post, I suppose I'm just venting. I just feel like my DS is getting the shit end of the stick whilst DSS can do whatever he wants.
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30 replies
BPG20 · 27/04/2018 09:04
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