So pleased I came in here!

(10 Posts)
cookie4640 Sat 07-Apr-18 14:57:43

I came for a rant and a moan to let off steam about how bloody hard it is being a step mum. I was going to post then thought no, I’ll get flamed for confessing that I hate being a stepmum and some days I hate my step kids. I certainly don’t love them and most days only just tolerate them.
So I started reading other people’s threads and realise we are all in the same boat! I don’t feel quite so bad now. I’m very pregnant at the moment and just had a blazing row with dsd, last night it was with dss! I wish so much I didn’t have to have anything to do with them, but alas I do! My own dd is enough of a struggle some days but with your own child at least you love them unconditionally and a hug and kiss makes most things better. It just doesn’t work with step children 😕 so I’m counting down the years until they leave home, which is such a shame as my own dd is the oldest so will be the first to leave 😔

Anyway, I’ll just leave it there, thanks for listening and to everyone feeling like me today, hang in there! Xx

OP’s posts: |
swingofthings Sat 07-Apr-18 15:10:24

Your post actually made me smile! It's not a case of 'my DD is perfect, I wish my SCs were like her, but that won't even happened because their mum is bringing them wrong'.

In the end, you're absolutely right, SCs are not that different to our own children, it's just that it's easier to not get so resentful of your own children because at least you still love them.

Surely best thing to do is to leave disciplining to their dad because like your with your DD, he loves them unconditionally so can get frustrated but move on after a kiss and a hug.

takeittakeit Sun 08-Apr-18 04:29:38

Refreshing measured post and honest but also with out the constant, slagging off judgemental condemnation of the DSCs, their mother, their upbringing, their bad habits and how perfect your own DCs are!!!


ElChan03 Sun 08-Apr-18 21:19:47

We all need a good old rant sometimes. Part of accepting the status quo and how life is.
Maybe have a chat with dh about the sc and work out ways to avoid outright rows with them for your own sanity at the very least!

ClaryFray Tue 10-Apr-18 07:58:36

Oh good god I feel this. I don't love my step children. They're great kids, polite and well mannered. But they're not mine. My DS is a brat st times but at least I have the bond there from when he was younger.

It's so hard being a step mum.

greenhills2015 Tue 10-Apr-18 09:13:18

Couldn't agree more, it's a tough job being a step mum! thanks

TwitterQueen1 Tue 10-Apr-18 09:27:12

Not a stepmum but this is why I always refused to date men with children when I was single and in my 30s. I just knew I didn't have it in me to love and/or parent someone else's children. Tbh I think that's a bit of an impossible ask - I love my own children but I've never been very interested in anyone else's.


PretABoire Tue 10-Apr-18 09:58:20

I'm not a stepmum, I'm a step child. I appreciate it must be so hard. To outside audiences it probably looked like we had a functioning broken/blended family but I wish so much that my SM had cared for me. I was clearly an inconvenience in the way of her perfect new family. She wasn't cruel but as you have said - she certainly never loved me and children aren't oblivious to obvious signs of distaste. Please don't underestimate the impact that can have on a child. Children deserve to be loved. My relationship with my dad will never be what I wish it could be - which I think pleases her as it keeps me out of the way, even now.

Of course it is hard. But unlike the step child, you chose this situation, and you, as the adult, have committed to it. It is possible to love children that aren't yours - not in the same way, for sure, but it stings when neighbours and family friends try harder and are more supportive than someone you're expected to see and treat as 'family' - when they refuse to return the favour.

I've had a lot of counselling for this. And the best peace I can find is to accept that she just didn't like me that much, and my dad didn't care if that damaged me. I was a child. It's not my fault.

Doremisofarsogood Tue 10-Apr-18 11:44:22

I'm in the same boat - I'm fond of my SS, I really quite like him but it just isn't the same as the unconditional love for my DD! I'm fair to both of them, treat them as equally as it is to treat a 4 year old and a 15 year old! But my SS has 2 parents who love him unconditionally already. PretaBoire it sounds like you had a negative experience with your SM, I can promise you I do not feel that my SS gets in the way of my perfect family - he is part of the family and none of the family is perfect!

upsideup Wed 11-Apr-18 23:13:15

Not everyone in the same boat. I love my dsd unconditionally, being a step mum is just as special and important to me as being a mum.
I do though totally get not everyone enjoys being a step mum, wants to be a step mum or loves their step kids but surely the only answer is dont be a step mum then. They will feel it, no matter how hard you try to pretend they are going to know you are down the years untill they leave and hate them most days.
Why put yourself and them through this?

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