Step parenting

(10 Posts)
crystal03 Thu 05-Apr-18 10:36:11

I love my partner to bits, hes the best....but he is widowed and has a 9 year old daughter, a twenty one year old step daughter and her two year old son living with him, he is 63. I have twin girls 22 who are on the autstic spectrum, one of them needs me for a time each day. I have moved in with my partner and find it all very over whelming. I suffer with depression and anxiety myself. Is it wrong to want time out ? There is nowhere in the house i can go and be alone. Would i be wrong staying at my friends once a week?

OP’s posts: |
lookingforaline18 Thu 05-Apr-18 11:01:41

Is there any way his older daughter can get her own place? It all sounds very crowded having 5 adults in one house. No wonder you're fed up.

NorthernSpirit Thu 05-Apr-18 11:12:36

No, not unreasonable at all. I only have 2 DSC (9 & 12) EOW and half the holidays and certainly for the longer times they are with us I take myself off (plus I think it’s impor that spend time alone with dad).

Your situation sounds very intense. Make sure you get some time for you.

lunar1 Thu 05-Apr-18 11:43:21

I can't believe someone's answer to this is that his dd should move out! Lovely.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to stay somewhere once a week, but I'd really think about if you want to continue to live there.

lookingforaline18 Thu 05-Apr-18 12:00:27

lunar it was just a suggestion. Calm down. She's an adult with her own child, so it's a perfectly reasonable suggestion to make.

SandyY2K Thu 05-Apr-18 17:24:56

I really don't think it would be for the OP to suggest his DD moves out. I'd be quite annoyed if I were the DP and would make that known or end it.

Living with a 2 year old is obviously going to be a headache and probably noisy at times .. especially when your way past that stage of parenting.

I think it's fine to stay with your friend once a week ... I just wouldn't have moved in with him tbh.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Thu 05-Apr-18 17:40:45

I would just live separately tbh. It sounds a bit full on and I'm sure your DDs would appreciate a peaceful home again, as well as you. Certainly take some time out, but it might be a bit of an imposition to stay with your friend on a long term basis, you need to do something more sustainable.


Bananasinpyjamas11 Fri 06-Apr-18 00:27:39

Yes I sandy and myrelationship, I would not have moved in. Having another family there leaves little room for another relationship.

I’d move out and see how it all plays out.

Candlelights Fri 06-Apr-18 09:22:06

Do your DDs live with you too? I'm not quite clear from your post. If they do, and one of them needs you a lot then no, it would not be fair to go and stay at your friend's once a week unless your DD and DP are close and he's ok about being left without you with her.

If it's just you and your DP's family then yes I think you absolutely can and should have a bit of time away from them. It's good for everyone when a family changes to have a bit of time just with their own kids.

Does the 22 year old want to move out? If she does, then it would seem sensible to help her. Likewise with your own DDs - are they looking to live independently at some point? Can you get them linked into whatever services and social things they need to that they can do so, and maybe need you a bit less? Could they live together?

Wdigin2this Mon 16-Apr-18 21:16:34

It's obviously not working for you, so you'd be better moving out, and just see how things go!

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