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Texting stepson

(16 Posts)
trippingup Thu 05-Apr-18 09:57:30

Been with partner a year, now living together. Me and stepson have swapped phone numbers - he is 15 (quite young and shy for his age) we have sent a few text about DPs birthday, silly memes, photos of dogs etc. My friends think it is odd. I think its nice that we are friendly. I'd never text him in school hours etc. I think its nice and I feel more like a big sister to him and don't want a mum role as he can look after himself. I've said i'm happy for my DP or stepsons mum to read the messages. I'm not doing it to be a parent and organise childcare etc as that is between DP and his ex. Any advice welcome.

OP’s posts: |
rogueantimatter Thu 05-Apr-18 10:31:41

Sounds good to me. I occasionally message a friend's 16YO son ( he added me on fb btw) to congratulate him on his academic and hobby success. I could tell his mum, please say Well done from me but it's probably nicer to message him directly.

I would message on your DP's son's terms though.

NorthernSpirit Thu 05-Apr-18 11:13:59

Not odd at all if the DSS is happy with it.

Makingdinner Thu 05-Apr-18 11:18:21

i don't think it's odd! me and dss message on Instagram occasionally(we have eachothers numbers but apparently is it not cool to text!! he is 13)

trippingup Thu 05-Apr-18 11:43:02

Thanks all. Yes its all on his terms... and he text me first which is nice.

OP’s posts: |
RapunzelIsHere Thu 05-Apr-18 11:45:19

I honestly cannot see what could be odd about that. It’s nice that you have a good relationship, and texting him is completely normal.

chuffnstuff Thu 05-Apr-18 11:46:25

Bizarre! My DP will have text message conversations with both my DS's and I'm glad as it helps build the relationship and makes it a friendship as opposed to Step Dad/Step Son.

Aprilmightmemynewname Thu 05-Apr-18 11:47:34

Texting teens is better than the odd grunt of some teens!! Whichever way works for having /maintaining a good relationship should def not be knocked!! Keep up the good work!!

CupofFrothyCoffee Thu 05-Apr-18 13:55:37

No it's not odd at all. I sometimes text my DSD but I usually let her text me first.

swingofthings Thu 05-Apr-18 14:06:07

Nothing odd at all. If you get along and he's happy with it, then it's all normal. My DSD texts her SM quite regularly.

liisha Thu 05-Apr-18 14:55:38

Sounds perfectly normal to me.
As long as he doesn't get overly comfortable and possibly sends a text/meme deemed as inappropriate I really don't see any problem.
I just wanted to not only say how normal it was but just state something I would be aware of if that barrier was ever attempted to be crossed, as he is a young boy with hormones flying all over the place they can be a bit silly at times.

trippingup Thu 05-Apr-18 15:54:12

Thanks appreciate advice. Yes definitely nothing inappropriate. Would ask DP for advice if I felt something did or was becoming too often.

OP’s posts: |
SandyY2K Thu 05-Apr-18 17:12:59

I don't see a problem with this. Not sure why your friends think it's odd.

Bananasinpyjamas11 Fri 06-Apr-18 00:21:41

I do text my DSDs however I do think you have to be a bit careful.

My DS had several texts from his SM at age 15 which were a little too familiar... if you are a woman and he is a teenage boy, remember he’s just growing into his sexuality and texts can be very personal, almost intimate things. Put it another way, if you were a step Dad texting a 15 step daughter, you wouldn’t be too familiar as in lots if emojis, even memes etc, you are not a peer or a mate. That’s friend territory really, not step parent.

trippingup Fri 06-Apr-18 08:24:58

Thanks @Bananasinpyjamas11 - I hadn't really thought of it in that way.

OP’s posts: |
Bananasinpyjamas11 Fri 06-Apr-18 11:25:32

You sound lovely, I just know that teenage boys are pretty insecure and emerging sexual creatures. If this boy is shy then your friendly texts could possibly become too important to him, or slightly confusing.

As a SM you will be wanting to bond however he really needs a mate and a girlfriend to do that with in that way. You don’t need to be a parent but I do think he needs space to connect with his peers first and foremost. My DS was very embarrassed by his SM texts and his friends saw them and took the mickey saying ‘she wants to be your girlfriend’. It’s just a tricky time for them!

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