Working from home and steo daughter

[wiccan41]

We work from home my 13 year old sees lots friends and so when’s she’s home I’ll soend time with her as much as she wants but rbh she’s very grown up and isn’t wanting lots mom attention anymore.

My SD 11 comes to us 3 days a week her dad my sh works the whole time she’s here atm it’s 11 am I have said he should place her in childcare she would be happier and it’s unfair in her just sitting around. The house all day - he won’t take anytime off but all he says is he’ll play the wii for an hour that’ll keep her happy
I can’t spend all my time with her when my daughters not here otherwise I get no work done and I do everything around the house - DH doesn’t see how important spending time with his child is , he only had her I’ve had 3 children and worked and made sure I spent quality time with them if I couldn’t as work I’d book professional childcare so they’d have things to do.

I’m sure he simply doesn’t w at to pay for childcare I know she’s 11 but she doesn’t really have many friends and no family except us and her Mum and half sister so she comes to see her dad but he’s putting work first all the time - I do soend time with her but she’s very miserable as he won’t soend much time with her and I have told him it needs to change but nothing is.

[GreenTulips]

You reap what you sow

He needs to build a decent relationship now before she hits the teens and she'll be off

He's choice

[wiccan41]

Who’s reaping what ? Sorry ?

[GreenTulips]

“You reap what you sow” means that there is an effect for everything people do or say, and that the effort a person puts into something will be rewarded appropriately

He puts the effort in now to reap the rewards (decent relationship) later on

[GreenTulips]

In other words if you don't plant the seeds they won't grow into food!

[wiccan41]

Are you stupid I don’t drink my father was a violent alcoholic my ex husband one and my brother is one
There’s nothing wrong with my post go troll someone else

[CupofFrothyCoffee]

Whyarealltheusernamestaken

You are so out of order. Your posts are vile. Sometimes people make spelling mistake, it's not a big deal or are you just too stupid to work them out?

[user1486915549]

Wiccan, ignore the previous unhelpful answers.
Your SD is 11 so are we talking about 3 days over the weekend here ?
Your OH has to step up here and spend some time with her. If he has a child to look after he can’t expect to work 7 days a week.And don’t let him expect that to be your job.

[swingofthings]

OP, you sound like a loving caring SM. You're right, your DH should be spending time with his DD. If he really couldn't take time off because of financial situation or things happening this week that he can't step away from, he should plan to work from 6am and then stop early afternoon so he has time to spend with his daughter.

Is the issue though that he feels awkward with her, doesn't really know how to enjoy time with her? Does he spend quality time with her during week-end contact?

It's such a pity that he isn't able or willing to use this precious time to make the best of his time with her. It won't be long until she'll think that there's no point coming and preferring to spend time with her friends at home. Hopefully he can make it up next time if it is just bad timing with his work schedule.

[steppemum]

Op, ignore whyarealltheusernamestaken, there is nothing wrong with your posts, they read fine.

In once sense he is right, very few people pay for childcare once kids hit secondary school. But he is missing a key point. Because you are home, he is allowing you to look after his dd, but you are WORKING.
dh and I both work from home, and it drives us mad that people assume we are free during the day. You are not looking after her, (I mean you are not playing with her, as you are working) so she needs something.

Is there anything you could book her into? eg at the leisure centre?
How do your dd and your sd get on, would thye do something together if you dropped them off?

He needs to understand that she needs more input from him. As pp said, this is a key age to keep relationships going, before the teens hit.

[Wdigin2this]

He is this child's parent, you're not. It's his responsibility to make time for her when she's in his home.....end of discussion!

[SandyY2K]

I have told him it needs to change but nothing is.

It won't change while you tolerate it unfortunately.

There's way too many dads who do sweet FA with their DC...probably why the Ex is an Ex.

I'd either make myself unavailable, so he would have to be there ...Or issue an ultimatum... He has to step up or we're done. It depends on how big an issue it is for you.

[Candlelights]

I think you're in a difficult situation to be honest. Even if you decided to go and work somewhere else (if that was possible) he would probably say that at 11 DSD is old enough to be home alone. And he's not entirely wrong about that. My DD had days at home alone in the holidays from that age. But at 11 I think someone should be helping make sure she's got something to do. Possibly paid-for activities, or maybe a friend round. Is there any kind of sport or activity she'd like to do?

It's probably too late for this holiday but I'd ask to be involved in plans for the next school holiday to try to help your DP get some things set up for her.

I don't think an 11 year old should expect to be entertained by a parent the entire time. Better parenting would be helping her arrange some social things or activities. Our local council runs a few free things for bored kids that sort of age on the summer holidays - is that an option?