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Step-parenting

Dh ex wants to meet new baby

53 replies

pondduck · 03/04/2018 17:18

Did your Dh ex ask to meet your new baby?
Dh ex wants to meet the baby when step children do.

She has gone on to have more children after Dh but Dh hasn't really met them, nor would particularly want to. I feel like it is a bit odd.

OP posts:

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acornsandnuts · 03/04/2018 17:21

She might just like babies and want to meet her children’s new sibling. You can say no of course. But I think it’s nice she’s showing an interest.

TheQueenOfWands · 03/04/2018 17:21

She might just really like babies.

nellly · 03/04/2018 17:24

I think it will be nice for siblings too so when they talk about the new baby she can join in an say oh yes wasn't he/she lovely!!

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 03/04/2018 17:24

No! Just no, no, no.

It’s intrusive. Very intrusive.

That moment when the step children meet their new half sibling is a potentially lovely bonding moment for you, DP and the DSCs. She’ll have plenty of time later on to see the baby on a drop off, but way down the list.

QuiteLikely5 · 03/04/2018 17:27

I can see why you think this odd. However if my children had a half sibling I’d certainly be curious to meet him/her.

I am very interested in my children though!

Passportto · 03/04/2018 17:29

Assuming you all have a fairly friendly relationship it seems quite normal that she'd give a few minutes to coo over the new baby. Isn't she just being nice?

NeverTwerkNaked · 03/04/2018 17:30

It would seem a but intrusive the first time, but seems nice for them to be able to introduce their baby sibling to their mum.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 03/04/2018 17:33

I think your dh is a bit odd for not wanting to meet his kids half siblings 🤷‍♀️

Unless there's a massive dripfeed backstory of just pop in with baby during pick up or drop off to say hello. Sounds like she's just being nice to me........sometimes it's nice to be nice back.

NorthernSpirit · 03/04/2018 17:33

If you have a good relationship with the EW then no problem, although the children should meet the new sibling on their own 1st.

If she’s a bat shit crazy controlling EW, then no way. Too intrusive and nothing to do with her.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 03/04/2018 17:45

True northern has a good point. Context is everything. The fact that she wants to meet when the step children first meet the baby would massively worry me.

It’s very different from casually saying she’d like to meet the baby sometime. This smacks of wanting to push her own significance and underline her mother status.

ClaryFray · 03/04/2018 18:00

No!

Wanting to meet the baby. Fine. Everyone loves babies, there cute and lovely.

Wanting to meet them when the children do, intrusive on a moment she is no part off.

Handsfull13 · 03/04/2018 18:12

I agree with pp. it's fine she wants to meet Baby but not when the children do. Depending on your relationship with them and her with your DH, she could effect the atmosphere in the room and ruin a lovely moment.
I'd tell her you want that first moment with just the kids but your happy to have her next time.

bonnyshide · 03/04/2018 18:15

She probably likes babies and wants to meet her children's new sibling, I think it's quite a nice gesture.

It's quite a special day in her children's lives.

Unless you have a terrible relationship with her? Then it's probably not a good idea if it's going to bring you any stress, otherwise make that e nice to include her a bit.

thethoughtfox · 03/04/2018 18:17

Agree with everyone. Arrange a later meeting but the first time, it should just be the children, you and their father to bond.

Scribblegirl · 03/04/2018 18:18

Could it not be arranged that DP picks up the kids, brings them to your house to meet baby, and ex could meet baby when she comes to pick up the DSC?

MeridianB · 03/04/2018 18:22

Agree with Northern. But mostly, do what YOU feel comfortable with, now and in the future.

It’s a very special time when your DSSs meet your little one. No way should she be there (like Maleficent, making it all about her) but if sometime later you are happy for her to see you baby then fine.

Can your DH collect his children the day they are meeting baby? It will save her barging in at drop-off.

In my case, I’d have run the other way if I’d seen DH’s ExP when I was out with my baby.

LouseHouse · 03/04/2018 18:23

I've met DDs new baby sibling, but I would never have expected/wanted to be there the first time. That's a special moment just for them.
DDs Dad often gets a cuddle from my toddler DS when he comes to pick her up, he's just used to seeing him and knows his big sister likes him.
It's nice to get along but no need to be too involved.

Magda72 · 03/04/2018 18:24

I too don't think she should be there on first meeting & I think to request that is quite intrusive & yes will interfere with you, dp, sdc & baby bonding.
When my ex's dp gave birth I left them all to it. Then on my first drop off (about 2 weeks after the baby was born) I popped in to say hello & brought a little gift as my dc wanted to show me the baby.
Anything else is too intrusive & is again trying to reassert 'first wife & family' importance.

RebelRogue · 03/04/2018 18:25

It depends on a few things...
For example the relationship with her and if she's a nice human being.
Also where and how will that meet happen? Is your partner picking them up and coming over to your house for contact at usual? Is it a special visit and mum will bring them over? Is it at the hospital?

If everything is fine and relationships are cordial,then even if you don't want her to be there for the first meet,I would compromise and set it up for the next visit.

pondduck · 03/04/2018 18:54

I'm not sure where she wants it to happen. She refuses to do any dropping off or picking up so it would not naturally happen then. I think she would want Dh to take the baby to her house.
The relationship isn't great but I'm sure it's far from the worst out there. There are no arguments in front of the kids. But she is nasty on the phone and in messages to Dh.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 03/04/2018 19:03

Duck, seriously? Seriously?

I assumed this was something you might entertain at some stage because you had a pleasant relationship. But she is nasty to your DH and refuses to drop off or collect, so things don’t sound cordial. I’d definitely question her motives and keep my baby a million miles away from her.

Hopefully she won’t mention it again but if she does, your DH can brush it off.

RebelRogue · 03/04/2018 19:06

Nah...then she can wait(indefinitely).
Or if she wants to so badly she can drop off the kids once at some point you are comfortable with it.

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Magda72 · 03/04/2018 19:20

After your last post - I'd be saying no way! If she does plan on getting your dp to bring the baby when he's picking up the dc then it's outright manipulation.
Just no, a million times no.

Fijisky · 03/04/2018 19:40

Nah fuck that.

Say no. It’s plain weird to want to meet your baby.

bonnyshide · 03/04/2018 20:35

Just read your update....it'll be a No then, she doesn't sound very nice so not sure what she's playing at.

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