I wonder if anyone has any helpful ideas or would mind sharing how they split finances / manage family budgets across blended families?
Background: My DP and I live in different houses each with 2DCs but his are EOW only. My house has more room so often all 4 kids are here. From my previous thread it's got me thinking about how much time spent together is right for all 4DCs and me, and also for how much of the extra housekeeping stuff that then falls to me as the 'host'.
Currently we split every "expenditure" down the middle, say if we were going camping we'd split the cost of the pitch fee half and half. Or if we are on a day out, that gets halved. Fair enough for something visible and that they see us shelling out for.
But what's creeping into my mind (and keeps doing so) is the background living costs. For example, my freezer and store cupboards are usually well stocked with the basics so I can throw together a quick kids meal without having to think about it/go out and buy it, his is a very bachelor pad place without that sort of backup, it's an Oh bum i'll nip to the shop for some sliced pan and a tin of beans vibe when kids are there.
If we stay at his the kids are on camp beds and in sleeping bags - no additional laundry, nothing left for him to deal with after we are gone. If they stay at mine they're in beds which need washing every now and again obvs, the DSDs leave me all their laundry which gets done and put away, I clean up after it all and feed people and replace the basics that keep a family home running as well as covering all the bills, keeping the car going etc.
I don't begrudge any of this (or do i? ) and like to look after my people, but I feel that any financial split ought to be fair and right now it feels like if we split things 50:50 it doesn't acknowledge the extra costs I incur simply by being organised enough to have 4x kids meals at my fingertips and enough loo roll in the cupboard for 4 andrex puppies DC and clean towels for everyone all ready... y'know?
DP has a company van with fuel & upkeep all paid for, and a decently paid job, plus he does lots of overtime and AFH work which I've covered childcare to accommodate for a few times.
I work for myself and things have not been that busy recently so i do feel quite skint a lot of the time. I did have a lodger to help with income, but DP didn't really like it/her so I haven't gone back and my spare room has been sort of morphed into the kids' room... but I think I need to get another lodger in. uh oh I'm sensing my own pattern here!
DP does keep his own home & I realise that's not free, and if he comes to mine he often brings wine/flowers etc, but he is at mine a lot, I usually cook a nice meal and I do a lot of his laundry too (washing machine has just died too which is another £100 I need to scrape from somewhere).
We are going away over the holidays to a house my mum owns (this was left by a relative before people start assuming we are loaded). I feel that DP should be getting the weeks shopping in at least for this, as my mum runs the house and we are borrowing it for free, he & DSDs will be ferried up there in my car, & a holiday cottage for 6 in a nice part of the country over holidays would be at least £500... I'm not saying if we didn't have the option of the cottage we'd find a £500 alternative - cos I haven't got a spare £100 - but it's the principle which I think he misses a little because he sees it as just "free" ... which is starting to make me feel resentful and we haven't even gone yet! ha ha!
I just wondered if anyone would be comfortable sharing with me how they manage this sort of set up?
Joint account for things that are spent on joint things?
A household kitty?
I just thought you wise people might be able to give me some creative ideas of how you manage this which might give me an idea or two without getting (quite so) cross about it.
Thank you!
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17 replies
VikingBlonde · 21/03/2018 18:36
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