Tips on getting teen dsd to do her bit?!

[QueenOfIce]

Dsd almost 15, with us 3 nights 1 week, 4 nights the next. We have an ensuite so dsd uses maun bathroom which she leaves in a mess every single time.

I'm fed up of picking up random bits of cotton wool, wrappers etc from just beside the bin because she's missed.

Mopping up a soggy floor, cleaning the toilet because she honestly has no initiative on how to clean it after her no matter how often it's explained to her.

Can't get through to her it's like speaking into the wind. Does anyone have any helpful tips please?

[Aprilmightmemynewname]

Tell her df to have words. On mn you have no authority unfortunately. Likely he won't want to have words due to not wanting to upset his pfb. He would rather live in a hovel and you will be the baddy to complain.

[QueenOfIce]

Sorry I should've included dh, he isn't shy about having words. He has had several. He gets verbal abuse and a door slammed in his face. Happy days!

[Ember12]

Dont clean up after her at all, she will soon do it herself

[Aprilmightmemynewname]

Ah well both 'staff' on strike should do the trick. No cash /lifts /washing /ironing /cooking /change the WiFi code /hide phone charger, all contributes to a better teen!

[BumpInTheOven]

Agree with Wi-Fi code.//

[QueenOfIce]

Yes to WiFi code, I'll change that now...she has an activity tonight, dh is going to tell her she needs to make other arrangements. Yesterday was awful, she was so rude because dh told her the bin was overflowing and needed emptying and the bath needed cleaning. It's very wearing

[Ember12]

Is she the only person to use that bathroom?

[QueenOfIce]

Guests also use that bathroom so I like it to be kept clean. I can't deal with gross bathrooms. Her bedroom I just shut the door, bathroom, no.

[PixieDust100]

Change WiFi code, don’t drop her to her activity.
No lifts, don’t wash any clothes except school uniform.
No treats, no pocket money, no luxury’s.
And if she back chats. Remove her phone until it’s cleaned.

[QueenOfIce]

WiFi changed, WW3 ensued

[NorthernSpirit]

God, she’s 15 years old and sounds like she has no respect for people. What’s she like in school when a teacher tells her what to do? In a year she could potentially be out of school and working.

Your house, your rules. She needs to learn that others aren’t her slave. Time to get tough with her. If she back chats take away privileges. Good luck

[Wdigin2this]

Tell her without drama, if her bathroom and bedroom are not cleaned satisfactoraly, you will withdraw privileges, i.e. wifi code and lifts. Don't get into an argument, walk away the minute you've finished telling her, and ignore any protests.
But, you must carry through, each and every time it happens, until she gets the message!

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

I actually got my DSD and my DS, both teenagers, to take turns cleaning the bathroom for a while. Only once every alternate week, but to get into their heads what was involved! It only lasted a few months of course and was the only job they had to do around the house. But point made.

Everyone was very resentful, esp DSD and DP who thought it was shocking as the bathroom cleaning is a ‘dirty job’. Er... so it’s ok for me to do it then?!

[MachineBee]

It’s good your DP is prepared to have words. My DH won’t even have chats with his DS about why he’s not doing much at school and seems to spend several days a month with his GF who has dropped out of her apprenticeship. It’s such as shame as he is a bright lad, but I’m dreading the melt down when his results aren’t what he thinks he’s entitled (as experienced with his GCSEs).

[user1487194234]

To be fair is this not just teenagers

[Hissy]

If doors are slammed... remove them for 2 weeks

Warn the girl you are going to do it if she slams the door again, and if she does, take the door off.

[Candlelights]

I don't think you can be taking doors off bathrooms Hissy (Not to mention it actually being quite difficult to hang a door correctly....)

She sounds very like my DD, OP. What works a bit is - as someone suggested above - just a really simple instruction to tidy and clean the bathroom with a deadline. If she misses it you either confiscate her phone or remove WiFi until it's done.

Pick a time when she's not rushing out anywhere and has time to sort it.

But I find you need to do this again and again every time it's a mess. If you find the magic answer to stopping them being slobs in the first place, I'd love to know it

[Hissy]

Of course you can take her door off!

My friend (a counsellor and therapist) told her slammy daughter that she'd remove the bedroom door if she slammed a door again. They got slammed, bedroom door got removed for 2 weeks.

the dd HATED it, moaned like a drain.

BUT.. never slammed a door again.

[QueenOfIce]

She's been so lovely except for the general untidiness. I just keep reminding her with as few words as possible. Door. Bin. Curtains. Floor. That sort of thing. She's a bit of an airhead

[swingofthings]

I'm fed up of picking up random bits of cotton wool, wrappers etc from just beside the bin because she's missed
My OH does this in our bedroom, drives me mad! Yet he is ocd and obsessed about cleanliness!!

I've long given up on my two teenagers to be tidy. They are not and asking them to clean after themselves beyond doing the dishes is starting WW3. They've won, I can't still battle with them 5 years on so have opted for the 'be grateful for what they do rather than don't'. It works quite well. I've never ever had to pester either of them to do their homework or to study/revised. I took it for granted but speaking with other parents, I realised how lucky I am and this way, I have a good reason to look forward to them moving out!

[Cuckoo66]

This is my life! 17 year old DSD came to live with us full time last August. She is a total joy - most of the time!!! Home life not great and completely clueless about cleaning, emptying bathroom bin - once a month I totally flip about how important it is to keep emptying it. Bought her a bedroom bin that has 2/3 times more rubbish on top and around it. Drives me crazy. Trying to teach her some basic life skills and feel I'm failing miserably! I'm loving the idea of removing the bedroom door - that often gets slammed!!!! But I'm not brave enough to do the wi-fi lols. Never owns up to having done things wrong which is infuriating, just storms off in a huff and the peaceful house becomes a war-zone.