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Tips on getting teen dsd to do her bit?!

(23 Posts)
QueenOfIce Mon 19-Mar-18 08:00:24

Dsd almost 15, with us 3 nights 1 week, 4 nights the next. We have an ensuite so dsd uses maun bathroom which she leaves in a mess every single time.

I'm fed up of picking up random bits of cotton wool, wrappers etc from just beside the bin because she's missed.

Mopping up a soggy floor, cleaning the toilet because she honestly has no initiative on how to clean it after her no matter how often it's explained to her.

Can't get through to her it's like speaking into the wind. Does anyone have any helpful tips please?

OP’s posts: |
Aprilmightmemynewname Mon 19-Mar-18 08:04:24

Tell her df to have words. On mn you have no authority unfortunately. Likely he won't want to have words due to not wanting to upset his pfb. He would rather live in a hovel and you will be the baddy to complain.

QueenOfIce Mon 19-Mar-18 08:19:56

Sorry I should've included dh, he isn't shy about having words. He has had several. He gets verbal abuse and a door slammed in his face. Happy days! grin

OP’s posts: |
Ember12 Mon 19-Mar-18 08:38:34

Dont clean up after her at all, she will soon do it herself

Aprilmightmemynewname Mon 19-Mar-18 08:40:09

Ah well both 'staff' on strike should do the trick. No cash /lifts /washing /ironing /cooking /change the WiFi code /hide phone charger, all contributes to a better teen!

BumpInTheOven Mon 19-Mar-18 08:41:43

Agree with Wi-Fi code.//

QueenOfIce Mon 19-Mar-18 08:58:41

Yes to WiFi code, I'll change that now...she has an activity tonight, dh is going to tell her she needs to make other arrangements. Yesterday was awful, she was so rude because dh told her the bin was overflowing and needed emptying and the bath needed cleaning. It's very wearing sad

OP’s posts: |
Ember12 Mon 19-Mar-18 09:20:48

Is she the only person to use that bathroom?

QueenOfIce Mon 19-Mar-18 09:48:28

Guests also use that bathroom so I like it to be kept clean. I can't deal with gross bathrooms. Her bedroom I just shut the door, bathroom, no.

OP’s posts: |
PixieDust100 Mon 19-Mar-18 09:58:33

Change WiFi code, don’t drop her to her activity.
No lifts, don’t wash any clothes except school uniform.
No treats, no pocket money, no luxury’s.
And if she back chats. Remove her phone until it’s cleaned.

QueenOfIce Mon 19-Mar-18 18:12:51

WiFi changed, WW3 ensued confused

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Thu 22-Mar-18 07:43:28

God, she’s 15 years old and sounds like she has no respect for people. What’s she like in school when a teacher tells her what to do? In a year she could potentially be out of school and working.

Your house, your rules. She needs to learn that others aren’t her slave. Time to get tough with her. If she back chats take away privileges. Good luck

FrancisCrawford Thu 22-Mar-18 13:31:53

How is it going now?

At 15 she weds to have some self respect (cleaning the loo) and respect for others.

Been through similar- at a low point I honestly thought she was trying to grow stalagshites in the loo. She was told that cleaning up her own shite was up to her. No excuses, no temper, just do it every single time. I think I was fairly forceful because the problem stopped although her room was still a tip. Like you, I just kept the door shut

But communal areas were different

Wdigin2this Fri 23-Mar-18 12:11:54

Tell her without drama, if her bathroom and bedroom are not cleaned satisfactoraly, you will withdraw privileges, i.e. wifi code and lifts. Don't get into an argument, walk away the minute you've finished telling her, and ignore any protests.
But, you must carry through, each and every time it happens, until she gets the message!

Bananasinpyjamas11 Fri 23-Mar-18 13:52:06

I actually got my DSD and my DS, both teenagers, to take turns cleaning the bathroom for a while. Only once every alternate week, but to get into their heads what was involved! It only lasted a few months of course and was the only job they had to do around the house. But point made.

Everyone was very resentful, esp DSD and DP who thought it was shocking as the bathroom cleaning is a ‘dirty job’. Er... so it’s ok for me to do it then?!

MachineBee Fri 23-Mar-18 18:20:54

It’s good your DP is prepared to have words. My DH won’t even have chats with his DS about why he’s not doing much at school and seems to spend several days a month with his GF who has dropped out of her apprenticeship. It’s such as shame as he is a bright lad, but I’m dreading the melt down when his results aren’t what he thinks he’s entitled (as experienced with his GCSEs).

user1487194234 Fri 23-Mar-18 20:48:32

To be fair is this not just teenagers smile

Hissy Tue 27-Mar-18 19:41:37

If doors are slammed... remove them for 2 weeks

Warn the girl you are going to do it if she slams the door again, and if she does, take the door off.

Candlelights Wed 28-Mar-18 10:40:10

I don't think you can be taking doors off bathrooms Hissyhmm (Not to mention it actually being quite difficult to hang a door correctly....)

She sounds very like my DD, OP. What works a bit is - as someone suggested above - just a really simple instruction to tidy and clean the bathroom with a deadline. If she misses it you either confiscate her phone or remove WiFi until it's done.

Pick a time when she's not rushing out anywhere and has time to sort it.

But I find you need to do this again and again every time it's a mess. If you find the magic answer to stopping them being slobs in the first place, I'd love to know it grin

Hissy Wed 28-Mar-18 11:20:45

Of course you can take her door off!

My friend (a counsellor and therapist) told her slammy daughter that she'd remove the bedroom door if she slammed a door again. They got slammed, bedroom door got removed for 2 weeks.

the dd HATED it, moaned like a drain.

BUT.. never slammed a door again.

QueenOfIce Fri 30-Mar-18 09:14:00

She's been so lovely except for the general untidiness. I just keep reminding her with as few words as possible. Door. Bin. Curtains. Floor. That sort of thing. She's a bit of an airhead grin

OP’s posts: |
swingofthings Fri 30-Mar-18 09:28:48

I'm fed up of picking up random bits of cotton wool, wrappers etc from just beside the bin because she's missed
My OH does this in our bedroom, drives me mad! Yet he is ocd and obsessed about cleanliness!!

I've long given up on my two teenagers to be tidy. They are not and asking them to clean after themselves beyond doing the dishes is starting WW3. They've won, I can't still battle with them 5 years on so have opted for the 'be grateful for what they do rather than don't'. It works quite well. I've never ever had to pester either of them to do their homework or to study/revised. I took it for granted but speaking with other parents, I realised how lucky I am and this way, I have a good reason to look forward to them moving out!

Cuckoo66 Thu 10-May-18 16:50:04

This is my life! 17 year old DSD came to live with us full time last August. She is a total joy - most of the time!!! Home life not great and completely clueless about cleaning, emptying bathroom bin - once a month I totally flip about how important it is to keep emptying it. Bought her a bedroom bin that has 2/3 times more rubbish on top and around it. Drives me crazy. Trying to teach her some basic life skills and feel I'm failing miserably! I'm loving the idea of removing the bedroom door - that often gets slammed!!!! But I'm not brave enough to do the wi-fi lols. Never owns up to having done things wrong which is infuriating, just storms off in a huff and the peaceful house becomes a war-zone.

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