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Do you expect anything from your step children on mother’s day?

(70 Posts)
Timetochange72 Sat 10-Mar-18 19:58:20

Hi, just wonder what you feel about this, I don’t really expect anything from my dsds, they have their own Mum and I have my own dcs, but as they live with us 50% of the time and I do the washing, the running about etc etc it would be nice if I was acknowledged somehow, even just ‘happy mothers day’ in passing would be nice or is that just naive of me? I didn’t have a great mother’s day last year, my dps mum was rude to me, my dad had died a few months before so I was feeling sensitive anyway and then when dsds came back home they were really moody and stroppy 😤

AJPTaylor Sat 10-Mar-18 20:02:49

i wouldnt hold your breath or set yourself up for disapointment

Handsfull13 Sat 10-Mar-18 20:09:20

I don't expect anything. I love my ss and we have him 50/50. I barely get a happy birthday and merry xmas, I've never received a card or present so I definitely don't expect anything for Mother's Day. We even got him this year and he doesn't want to go back to his mums early and had no interest in a present for her.

cupcake007 Sat 10-Mar-18 20:10:24

My DSS has bought me something with his own money. He lives with us if that makes any difference.

Timetochange72 Sat 10-Mar-18 20:25:35

Oh I won’t be disappointed, as I don’t expect anything, just wondered what others got or thought

thefudgeling Sat 10-Mar-18 20:28:12

No I don't expect anything, and haven't had anything from them in 14 years. Mostly I don't mind!

MrsUnpopular Sat 10-Mar-18 20:30:49

I buy for my stepmum on mother's day, just as I buy for my stepdad on fathers day. No they're not my birth parents (both of whom I love to bits and am close to) but they've been in my life since I was a young teenager and over the years they have done so much for me and, in turn, my son since he's been born, that I like to say thank you. I don't think it's expected of me per se but I wouldn't dream of not doing it - it's been like having an extra set of parents!!

ohamIreally Sat 10-Mar-18 20:38:06

I send my stepmum a card every year. Never expected anything from my DSD.

EvadneBadne Sat 10-Mar-18 21:04:55

Nope! I'm not her mum. But that's just my honest opinion. I don't think I would like my kids sending their step mum a Mother's Day card!

WopYa Sat 10-Mar-18 21:06:41

I won't get anything and dss lives here! I doo a hundred times more for him than his actual mother does. He knows it but he won't want to offend her because she is bat shit crazy volatile and would probably refuse to see him.

DefinitelyMaybeBaby Sat 10-Mar-18 21:11:01

I have a step mum who has been in my life since age 10 and I never gave her anything on Mother's Day, or acknowledged it with her, growing up. TBH I don't think it crossed my mind, being very close to my own mum. I think it would have felt disrespectful to my own mum.
However she is granny to my son age 2 and I now send her a granny Mother's Day card which she really appreciates.

NorthernSpirit Sat 10-Mar-18 21:22:29

I have 2 DSC (who are with us this weekend as their mum has chosen to go away for the weekend with her new boyfriend).

I don’t expect anything (and I doubt that the kids would even think to). They have a mum (not me) and I wouldn’t want to step on her (very sensitive) toes.

MinorRSole Sat 10-Mar-18 21:24:00

I have never sent my own stepmum anything nor do I intend to. We get on ok but not close and as she was the OW I would never do that to my mum. Whilst it's mostly water under the bridge it would seem disrespectful.

My own dcs only celebrate Father's Day with my dh since their own father (and stepmother) haven't seen them for 5 years. They don't call dh Dad but they are close in every other way.

Timetochange72 Sat 10-Mar-18 21:29:13

Yeh I can understand how they would feel it would be disrespectful to their own mum! They have a Mum who they love, like I say I have my own dcs that I’m very close to, I think if my sds ever acknowledge it I would be extremely surprised and extremely emotional lol. But you never know when they are older! I used to get my step dad a card on father’s day but I’ve never had a step mum really.

SciFiG33k Sat 10-Mar-18 23:16:19

I don't expect anything from my DSD. But I do expect my DH to acknowledge what I do for his DD. But then I'm the type of person who acknowledges my grandmothers, MIL and closest aunties on mothers day too.
Think I'm more for showing my appreciation for what people do for me than who gave birth to me. In saying that I am very close to my mum and she loves that I have so many extra people to love me.

swingofthings Sun 11-Mar-18 07:02:24

Are old are they? What's your relationship with them like? Mother's day is rarely about showing you are grateful to the mother/mother figure that looks after you, it's about showing your mum you love her. If they do consider you as a second mum, then maybe they will, but otherwise not. I agree too about feeling like it would be betraying their mum.

I've just woken up to a bouquet of flowers and a nice card and I'm in complete shock! DD did say she had to go to Sainsburys last night and the penny didn't even drop though! She's 18. I'd be amazed if my DS remembered, but I won't take it personally, I know he loves me dearly, he's just not very good about important date, he doesn't even get excited about his birthday!

Do remember that kids and even teenager rarely feel grateful for being looked after. Firstly they don't fully comprehend the concept of what it means and secondly they are self-centered. It usually takes them becoming a parent to fully realise all what we did for them.

TempusEejit Sun 11-Mar-18 08:54:34

I came on to say what SciFi said, I don't expect anything from my DSCs but I do expect my DH to acknowledge the stuff I do for his children because unlike kids/teens, he knows about all the invisible behind-the-scenes work that goes into parenting. My DSCs aren't there where I meal plan/food shop etc so I wouldn't really expect that kind of appreciation to cross their mind until they've grown up with homes of their own and realise just how much effort it takes to run a house!

YellowMakesMeSmile Sun 11-Mar-18 09:58:35

Your DH should appreciate that you look after chidren that are not yours but I don't think the step children need to get cards or appreciate it. They get no say in the adult relationships and children need to be parented as standard.

Timetochange72 Sun 11-Mar-18 10:00:46

Yeh I agree that’s true, I’m happy this morning anyway, breakfast in bed, cards presents love my dcs and my 2 dsd have gone off to see their mum with their flowers etc. I got a good morning lol 😂

LegallyBrunet Sun 11-Mar-18 12:25:20

I didn't expect anything but my three year old stepson made me a card and let me have a Curly Wurly from his chocolate hoard which he gave to me on Friday which made me tear up.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Sun 11-Mar-18 12:28:49

I don't expect anything but I always get a nice "mum" card and present from DSS. His mum left DH when he was a baby and left him with DH, so he lived with us full time. He was 12 when I came into his life and we are very close. I imagine it would be a little different if our relationship was more remote.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Sun 11-Mar-18 13:25:19

No but I have done and it nearly made me cry. They don't call me step mum usually but I got a nice card and a plant so I'm pretty pleased with that.

Their own mum isn't seeing them today (spending it with her BF's mum) and I know they are upset about it so it's nice of them to think of me.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Sun 11-Mar-18 13:28:41

DH also got me a card thanking me for all I do for all of them, now that did make me cry.

Timetochange72 Sun 11-Mar-18 14:02:33

That’s so sweet 😘

stella80 Sun 11-Mar-18 14:12:33

Reading these is very is very interesting. I’m a step mum myself and was feeling a little bit upset this morning about getting nothing, however not surprised. I think my DSD would feel it disrespectful to her mum to buy me a card, and I can understand. I do however remember her mum texting her dad to ask him to take her to get her then fiancée a Father’s Day card... he did it for DSD, but I found that a bit... don’t know the word!

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