I have posted on here before about various issues with the ex and it continues unfortunately. My partner is a good man and he's at a loss what to do
My partner has assessed the contact arrangement and has asked for a small tweak which he feels would benefit DSD. The current arrangement is on an alternate cycle...
Every other Sunday he picks up Dsd at 5pm. He has her through until weds.
The other every other Sunday, DSD is dropped off at 10am. Again he has her through until weds.
The arrangement is ok but it has its issues. On the 10am, she is often late bring dropped off, School bits are often forgotten. It then takes a while for DSD to settle in and by the time she has, most of the morning is gone. He can't really do things with her or take her out etc. The other days are school days and DSD 5 is in clubs, activities, and before and after school care. On the 5pm Sundays DSD is absolutely exhausted. She arrives very grizzly and the evening is about eating dinner and bedtime routine. She then has to travel early Monday morning to be at breakfast club at 8am. It's just not worthwhile for her
DP and DSD don't really have any quality time together. There's no opportunity for cuddles in bed in the morning, a leisurely breakfast. He basically does school stuff (which he's happy with) but feels the current arrangement isn't in DSD best interest.
He has suggested a shift which means no loss of time for her. He takes her on a Saturday night about 5:30 on the weeks where it's a 10am Sunday and on the 5pm Sunday the ex keeps her and takes her to school on the Monday.
He first of all suggested it in person but she dismissed it immediately. He asked again the following week and she wasn't interested. A couple of weeks later she asked him to have DSD as she wanted to go to a spa for her birthday. She then asked to have her overnight on Mother's Day. They are not unreasonable-requests and DP always tries his best to accommodate her (believe me she asks a lot of him and he asks barely anything in return) but he pointed out to her that what she was asking was exactly the routine he proposed so why not try it. She again refused.
Her reasons for refusing....DSD is all she has. And she likes the freedom to go to her friends for sleepovers (ex friend but DSD friend). We do understand this but she has 6 other nights a month for these sleepovers. It's these sleepovers along with a very hectic week which is tiring her out. DP honestly thinks it's in DSD interest to have 1 day a week where she doesn't HAVE TO do something and just be with either parent.
DP emailed her today. It was a lovely and kind email and highlighted where he feels DSD will benefit etc. Ex refused to even read it at first and when she eventually did she said this is all about you (DP) and refused to even speak with him!
Even if it was because he never gets a full day with her, what would be wrong with that?! But it isn't. We've had countless issues on Sundays (I've posted about her expecting him to pick up from the pub etc) . There's so many reasons
DP has bent over backwards for this woman. He's always done extra, accommodated most requests. He used to have every Sunday with Dsd from 10am but the ex asked for every other Sunday so she could have a family day with her DP as DSD has swimming lessons etc on a Saturday. My DP didn't argue, agreed to it but she never gives him the same respect in return
WWYD? It seems such a small issue to take it further for, but at the same time he gets less time with DSD than an eow Dad (ex has refused to let him have eow) and he honestly feels this change will benefit everyone. Ex always moans about not having Saturday nights free but she won't commit to set Saturdays and thinks it should be when it suits her only (when she has plans). It's not right. He doesn't want to start a war, yet he doesn't want to keep being dictated to. Help please
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39 replies
TwoDots · 28/02/2018 18:48
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