Hi all,
I don't really think you can help me on this one, but I would like to share something that's made me feel really sad, please! Please don't post anything mean, I don't think I can handle it this morning.
I have a DP with 2 young children, and an EW who's still very angry. They’ve been split for 2 years, we’ve been together for 1.5. He's been to court for contact and 'won' it, so from the start of the new year we've seen the children more and after a few wobbles where they’ve needed reassurance, it seems like both DC are happy with the arrangement and we have a lovely time with them. I’ve always got on well with them, and I’d say our relationship was good.
The older DC’s birthday (5th) is coming up (he’s very excited!) and last night their mum asked my DP if I was planning on going to his party. When he said I was, she went mental. She sent him messages saying how hurtful that was (to her, nothing to do with the children), and saying what a terrible person and father he was for allowing me to come, and then the piece de resistance. She sent him a video of the DC in question in which she asks him if he wants me to come to his party and he replies ‘Errrr…. No. No no no!’
It’s quite obvious that he’s only saying that because she has prompted him to, he must be able to sense that she’s not happy with me coming. He certainly wouldn’t spontaneously start talking about me coming or not, it wouldn’t even occur to him. Now I’m sure that she’s only done this because she’s very hurt & angry, but it’s made me feel so sad that she’s willing to put her child in this position, and possibly make him feel anxious/concerned about me or spending time with me for fear of upsetting his mummy. I had previously thought that him sometimes getting upset about coming to daddy’s was due to the change in routine, and uncertainty in his mind about whether he’ll ever see his mummy again- but now I think it’s clear that she’s playing a part in exacerbating this upset. If she’s willing to do this video malarkey, who knows what else she’s willing to do to try to undermine their relationship with their dad, and with me. It’s made me worry about our future relationship, if things are only getting worse not better.
I guess it also hurts that someone hates me this much. I’ve always tried to stay out of her way, and I’m very respectful of their relationship with her, and it smarts that this hasn’t made any difference.
Anyway, I just wanted to share. Thanks.
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Just when I thought we were making progress- virtual hug, please!
74 replies
sothisisnew · 07/02/2018 08:50
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