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Am I wrong to day no to funding holiday

(32 Posts)
Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 19:07:38

2 x dsd. 19 and 23 should we still be paying for there holidays? We did the last one even though we were meant to be paid back. I'd paid half of there holiday and without being consulted the debt was written off. They were supposed to have spending money but I paided most the bills with my do paying the rest. I let this go as it was easier for the family. Still feel they took the mickey. Well booked an expensive holiday that if paid for but dh is saving the spending money. One of dsd expected us to pay for her and I said no as it would cost another £3500 plus spends. Also I never get a thank you for it. Am I wrong in saying No? My dh agrees fully bit she feels it's all my fault she can't come

SandyY2K Tue 06-Feb-18 19:31:34

I do know people with children that age who still pay for family holidays

It depends on if thet are students ...or earning.

My DD wants to go on her first girls holiday this year
..she'll be 18 ...I'm not paying for it...but we are funding a family holiday this year.

Winteriscoming18 Tue 06-Feb-18 19:35:47

I’m more shocked they still want to go away with their DF and SM at that age tbh.

Callamia Tue 06-Feb-18 19:37:43

Did you want to price them out of coming on holiday? Can many young adults afford a few grand for a holiday?

I think parents subsidise holidays if they want their children to go with them (and they’re not otherwise loaded).

ELFtouch Tue 06-Feb-18 19:48:19

As they were supposed to pay you back last time and didn't I too would be reluctant to pay for them. Regardless of the cost of your holiday, it is entirely up to you where you holiday and how much you pay for it. If they want to come they can pay for themselves. They are adults, students or not.

SandyY2K Tue 06-Feb-18 19:51:35

£3500 is an expensive holiday though.

My DH says our girls won't want to come on hols with us soon.

As long as you pay...they'll come.

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 19:53:19

We are going this year as my dd is growing up and want her to have the magic of Disney like I did when I was young. They have both been before and this will be the only time I pay for my dd to go as it's so much money. We are also saving for investments to leave a security net when we are no longer. I have a feeling she only wants to come if it's free but I could be really wrong on that score. Also 3 weeks with her and her dad together I would have to play peace maker as she is fairly demanding

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 19:54:25

Sorry Il add I'm not loaded but have worked hard to save and at one point 4 jobs to get the money together

Trialsmum Tue 06-Feb-18 19:58:11

Bloody hell at 23 I was a parent! YANBU but some people will insist that as they are step children, you should pay for them forever more...

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:00:06

It didn't cross my mind that at that age my dp was a parent and so was I. Ok I feel better now. Maybe it is time to teach life skills including money then. I wouldn't pay it for my dd either

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 06-Feb-18 20:05:21

Are they in work? Uni?

You certainly don’t have to pay. You say you’ve already paid for it. What was discussed before you booked it?

I’ve been on holiday with dad and SM and separately with DM and I’ve paid for it. At 19 I was a student and was more into travelling with friends which I paid for by working. At 23 and older I was working ft and chose to holiday with parents and paid my way.

I’m not clear on where DP stands on this?

As adults they certainly have no right to free holidays with you. You’re not inviting them to join you, they seem to be assuming they’re going. You work hard for your money. They can work and save up for theirs.

Begrateful Tue 06-Feb-18 20:08:59

OP you are by all means within your rights to say "No". They are adults and regardless of being a student or not, should pay for there own holiday cost. Also, the fact they didn't show any appreciation for the last holiday that was paid for them reflects ungreatful behaviour. hmm

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:09:26

One is a student. Did strongly against paying but I try to make sure it's always fair. I know it's not my place but if it's not fair she blames me

SandyY2K Tue 06-Feb-18 20:13:49

Disney isn't only for little kids...I'm not surprised they want to come. It's fun.

Does your OH have an issue with paying for them?

Can they not contribute anything towards it?

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 06-Feb-18 20:16:14

When I was a student I considered myself an adult. I’d moved out, I was studying, I was working pt. I never gave it any thought but DM took my younger siblings on holiday and it made sense because they were still living at home. But then I also never took the line that having divorced parents made me any sort of special case deserving of kid gloved treatment, which is so often advocated on here.

It’s a good point that their lack of thanks goes stongly against them for future holidays. Wasn’t DP embarrassed by having such thoughtless children?

The peace making stuff you mention doesn’t sound like much fun either. What’s that all about? Holidays are near to be fun and a break from the normal drudge.

Have a chat with DP but I’d be saying they skip this one.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 06-Feb-18 20:16:54

OP says in the past they said they’d pay back some of the cost of a holiday and didn’t.

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:23:52

He won't pay for anymore full stop as they waste there money. We didn't get a brass bean back for the last one which cost us £1500-2000 for them. They were putting stuff on our bill like cocktails etc. I don't mind treating people but I find it rude when it's expected and you find out from the bill. They have been before so not like they haven't experienced it.
Dp won't pay for them and we can't afford it. I even suggested he didn't come and I take my dd with my sister. But he wants to see dd when she goes there and wants to experience it with us.
Dsd is very rude to me and d's and my dp can't stand it so he starts picking at her. I feel she isn't meaning to be rude just the way she is brought up is different to us. Older dsd doesn't want to come and is saving for a holiday with us in a year or so of her choice

negomi90 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:25:51

When I go on holiday by myself I pay.
When I go on family holidays the my parents pay.
I think it depends on the family culture, and the ages of those involved. My parents wouldn't expect me to pay, though as I've got older I try and take people out for a meal, and I provide my own spending money.
You need to talk to your DP about whether he wants to pay for his kids or wants them to pay.
I don't think either way is wrong.

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:34:00

He wont pay for them and doesn't trust them to either pay us back or bring spends as the last one it became clear we were not seeing no st back so asked to make sure they had spends. They didn't tell us they didn't have it until we picked them up. But a few weeks prior had done a massive music festival. It's frustrating thinking About it. And has made my mind up that I'm not being a tight cow or a meanie. I also took us all on a cheap holiday and I won on the bingo £1000 so I said to split it 4 ways as the holiday had made me penniless. She took great offence and had a strop so she got half in the end to keep the piece. She spent the lot knowing about the holiday we had asked for her to pay her way with

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:37:24

I wish money didn't matter. But then again how would any of the girls learn the value and what would happen if we weren't there to pay

Butterymuffin Tue 06-Feb-18 20:57:52

Your DP needs to tell them this is a joint decision. And that that they're reaping the consequences of being greedy and entitled on past holidays.

Cabininthewoods69 Tue 06-Feb-18 21:14:38

Thank you for all your advice guys. We will be sticking to our guns and this goes for any holiday to come. I was expecting a heavily negative response which would of made me think more openly. But seems I am being reasonable and I have considered everyone's response here. Thank you all very much

AJPTaylor Tue 06-Feb-18 21:34:06

My older dds are 23 and 20. We do not include them in our summer holiday. We try to book something as well where the cost isnt much different for 3 or 5,eg a cottage so we can get together. We still give dd3 aged 10 a decent holiday.

SandyY2K Tue 06-Feb-18 23:29:37

They sound rather ungrateful. As ypur DH agrees with you...they'll have to sit this one out.

MeridianB Sat 10-Feb-18 15:58:43

Hang on, you won £1000 at bingo, shared it with your DSDs and your DS but one of your DSDs stropped until she was given half the money? Is that correct, OP?

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