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Help, dreading when DSD comes over!(18 Posts)
This is probably going to make me sound like a horrible SM but I just need some tips to try and improve this situation because it's really wearing me down.
I have a SD AGE 6 and SS AGE 9, this thread is about SD as SS does not cause any issues and we get on great.
I had a baby with OH 3 months ago and both SC love him.
Problem arises that SD now will not leave me alone for 1 second. Literally EOW is just me getting harassed by her until she goes to bed.
I do not push her away and we do things alone together like makeovers etc but it is driving me absolutely mental that there is no break.
I think this is obviously her being insecure about new baby which is understandable, I spoke to OH saying maybe he should have a chat with her but he is convinced that she is just obsessed with the baby and is not feeling insecure!
I want to be a blended family but sometimes when my DS is screaming I would like to deal with it without a running commentary and a million questions to answer. Or play with him for 5 mins without her coming in and rubbing her face all over him. Or spend 5 mins chatting to OH having a coffee while the kids play. She will make sure she plays in the exact room we're in and talk to us non stop while she is there.
I don't want to push her away but how do I make her feel more secure so that I get more of a break while she is here.
FYI before baby was here we literally couldn't get her to spend any time with us, she's an iPad addict and would play on it for hours.
It's making me dread the weekends she is coming
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
She loves the baby...she's finally a bug sister.
Perhaps her a colouring book or get her to make you some art and crafts things for the baby.
That might distract her for a while.
What it your partner doing while all this happens?
He is usually around or in a different room, maybe doing something with SS. He is certainly in the house anyway, he is obviously more tolerant than I am with this behavior
He needs to be around more! With her, with them, with them and the baby. She needs to feel more secure with him as well as with you.
I agree he needs to take them out. Or take SS and baby out so you get time with SD, take all the DC out so you get some rest.
You sound lovely but there’s nothing you can do on your own, he needs to hear how you’re feeling and run interference!
She’s an excited big sister, that’s lovely. I remember when my baby sister was born, I felt like mum mum had got her for me to play with! And we’re still incredibly close. It’s such a special relationship. But you’re going to go nuts if you get no weekend time with your baby to yourself and your DH needs to take responsibility for making sure you do.
Be honest with him about what you need. Congratulations on your baby
But you get loads of time alone with your lo without sd there. She’s only there 2 days out of 14. It’s tough when you have older kids and your torn between baby and them, but I struggle to see the issue when it’s only EOW.
Many step dm's would love to have your problem op!!
She needs some attention from her father.
I feel sorry for her.
Your h needs to be more involved with her. Could he take all 3 kids out or spend time with just her/her and baby?
If this is only EOW i think you need to be a bit kinder and more understanding to your SD to be honest.
Your last post came off abit stern tbh she’s a typical excited child her age and likes to be involved. I think other posters of time with her df will help.
My SD is EXCATLY the same with my son (9 months). Since the day he was born she was besotted with him. And won’t leave him alone acts like mother hen around him. She’s 5, it’s really sweet. She is also a chatter box, never stops talking and asking questions and I feel like I can’t get 2 seconds with my son as she is always right under my feet. I think it might be a girl thing? Or maybe she is insecure about the new baby in the family? I did wonder that myself. I don’t mind her doing it though as it’s so nice to see the love she has for her little brother. They hold hands in their car seats in heart warming!
It doesn't really matter if 'it's only EOW' if Op is finding sd's visits overwhelming. These are the only times she sees sd, and it's obviously going to affect their relationship if she has a feeling of dread at the prospect. It's not necessarily just a step thing, either. I can remember times when one of my children was like this, come to think of it at about the same age. The others would be in a different room entertaining themselves but I'd have a little shadow talking non-stop trivia that would drive me up the wall.
I agree with pps. Have a word with OH, explain that you're struggling and plan the weekends so he will be taking her, with or without the other two, out of the house to give you a break from constant full-on chat. It won't last forever, but until she calms down a bit it will make these weekends easier for you and less likely to harm your long-term relationship with her.
You are tired and have a 3 month old - we all get it, we have all been there but seriously!
Your child is 3 months old - your DSD is 6 yrs old
Has seen her new sibling 10 days in 90 days and you are moaning!
i think there is plenty of you and new babe time in that equation.
She is there to see her father and her new sibling and be part of her family, this is your family. She gets such little time with the baby - the novelty will wear off.
your life is going to be disrupted for 52 /365 days in a year - give the child a break
Bless her she’s 6. What a poppet. You are exceptionally lucky to have both DSS’s take to your child like this. Many don’t and would have immense jealousy / insecurity issues that play out in other ways.
My only advice is to try and look at it from her POV and imagine this. You love daddy and you only get to see him 2 days a fortnight. There’s a new little baby who lives with him every day. And until now you were his baby. That’s all changed.
This is her way of showing how insecure she is and she’s trying to ensure that she remains loved and wanted.
My advice? Your DH needs to spend some one on one time with her.
Get some things for her to do that will distract her. Little chores that make her feel grown up big sister. Getting nappies/ helping fold clothes. Get her craft things so that she can make things for the baby.
3 months is nothing in a child’s life. This is still very new for her and she’s trying to cope. As are you with a newborn. All I can also say is this, the fact that your DSD dotes on your DC this way is going to be lovely for your DS as he grows older. They will form a bond and depending on how you handle this, could be absolutely lovely for your DS to have older playmates EOW. I’m a few years you’ll be happy that someone comes along EOW and chatters/ entertains your DS....
Be happy DSD adores her new sibling. Don’t make problems where there are none, she is probably already feeling left out.