So STBXH's affair was discovered 4 months ago. He immediately moved in with OW. He lied about this for about 6 weeks. I confronted her in the street and she also lied.
It's obviously been a rocky road and I've done things I'm not proud of (confronting her and I went to the house to see if he was there).
He initially had no contact with DD2 but now has e.o weekend at his parents' and week night nursery pick ups depending on whether he is travelling for work.
He now wants DD to meet his... woman and to stay over there. He also wants to move to 50% residential stays.
This is obviously incredibly emotive for me on all levels so after some objective perspective from step mothers. What's reasonable?
I think DD is too young for 50% although I would be happy to discuss adding on Sunday nights or something. Also as he travels weekly it wouldn't be 50% on set days just as and when he could which I don't feel is ok but looking for objective views. I would consider planning out how we could move to closer to 50% by school age but tbh the travelling still sticks in my craw... DD has a right to see her father not his partner so if he's not even going to be there?!
I would like to meet the woman (I know her anyway as they were colleagues). I think our first meeting will likely be tense due to both our actions but so far she's only ever lied to me so very uncomfortable with her caring for DD. I want to find out what kind of relationship she wants with DD and feel like I can talk to her.
I'd like to see the house. This they're really unhappy about so I suspect is unreasonable but because there have been so many lies about it and I'm now banned from going there it feels bad for DD to stay there... I guess that's just my emotions not DD though.
I think now (4 months in) is too soon for DD to stay over with the woman there. I feel like he wants DD to adjust to a new partner and a new home simultaneously. If he had his own place I don't think I'd feel that. Any suggestion that their relationship is new/untested not very welcomed but it does feel very fast to me.
DD hasn't net her yet.
Go on- where am I out of line?! Maybe everywhere. If like to hear it from you not them
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Step-parenting
Ow step mum- what's reasonable.
105 replies
Pogmella · 27/01/2018 13:30
OP posts:
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