My DSS is 20.
He moved in with me, along with DP, 18 months ago. He doesn't work. He has now decided to quit college twice. He quit his A-levels part way through.
Since his GCSEs he has pretty much decided to do nothing. He is clearly a special snowflake. He will play X-Box all night. He will invite random friends over, without permission, and we have found randoms sprawled around the house on occasion. I cannot live with this shit much longer.
I have young kids. I am raising them to work hard, and have self-respect. Unfortunately, DP seems very frustrated by SS's lack of drive and personal responsibility, but he actively does fuck all to address it. He lays down ground rules, which are just disrespected, ignored, and thus the cycle repeats.
DP used to pull his weight on his behalf, but recently DP has been extremely ill. Hospitalised for a long time with life-changing surgery. It has been fucking hard.
SS has done fuck all to help. I have tried to be kind and respectful to his feelings about his Dad. He has responded by continuing the piss taking.
He eats everything in the fridge. I am now spending £250+ a week on food. I cannot afford it, but everything I buy that is easy for DP to eat just vanishes. I bought a £50 shop at the weekend which had gone in 24 hours. When I address it, he states that he 'doesn't know what he is allowed to eat'! I have tried putting notes on the fridge, but he 'doesn't see them'.
He never washes up, and I put my foot down by putting his washing up in his bedroom. He bleated about it to DP, who told him that I had done it. Fine! He eventually did it.
However, today I woke up to another pile of washing up. I left it there, and went to work. DP then hauled himself downstairs, and cleaned up after the 'special snowflake'.
I lost my rag. I told DP that we have to lay the law down together, and DSS needs to be forced to man up.
I pointed out how much his son is costing us, while he pays nothing for his upkeep. I was advised that we should shop at Aldi to reduce the costs.
DP is unwell and 'can't be doing with this shit'. Well, guess what? I fucking can't any longer.
AI actually B fucking U here, or should I just suck up this behaviour? I wish this was a troll post. Unfortunately, it isn't.
I can't kick him out because DP can't deal with it. Sadly, I cannot carry on like this.
FWIW, his DM sides with him. She tells us that he shouldn't be forced to work, because he doesn't suit the 'rat race'. He should be allowed to be his own person, and do something he enjoys. At the expense of everyone else.
Any advice, before I lose it completely?
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Tearing out my hair now
throwawayagain · 23/01/2018 22:00
Thank you for responding.
I'm being made to feel like a bitch for not agreeing to put extra energy, and ridiculous amounts of cash, into supporting a perfectly capable man child.
DP has been frighteningly ill. He is a hardworking and responsible man, and I'm not questioning his personal ethics.
I don't understand why his is supporting his son's lazy and selfish behaviour. He is sick of me complaining about his son, but because it impacts us all, I can't just roll over and suck it up.
We all have to work. I personally do not enjoy my job at all, but it pays the bloody bills. We can't all only do something that gives us ultimate personal fulfilment. It would be beautiful it that were the reality of life, but it fucking isn't!!
His Mum is a fucking terrible example. She has started several businesses that suit her spiritual needs, which have folded. She just floats onto the next thing, because her DP is loaded. No personal responsibility. She wants her DS to have the same opportunities, but refuses to financially support any of it. He's an adult, after all.
DP cannot deal with it right now. I understand, but I can't take shouldering the total load. His DS is tipping me over the edge.
I will happily look after my kids, and DP, but his son is creating issues beyond my capabilities. 
And yes, my mortgage is less than the food bill.
Before DP and DSS moved in, it was about £100 per week. DSS costs as much as the rest of us put together.
I don't want to put added pressure on DP. He was treated terribly by the NHS, but that is another thread entirely. He very nearly died, and I am grateful that it was finally dealt with. A&E actually told us that the eventual diagnosis was not correct or 'he would be dead already'. We will deal with that when we are capable of doing so, but right now we are focussed on his recovery.
DSS knows how close to the wire it was. However, he uses that to adopt a 'woe is me' attitude. His entitlement has escalated because he is 'so upset about his Dad'.
Sadly, he still knocks on the bedroom door to ask for money though.
Shit hit the fan last night. My eldest DD decided to exact revenge by putting washing liquid in his bed. That was twatty, and will be dealt with.
He then sent me a shower of text messages, accusing me of doing it, then stating that I had been cruel by putting the washing up bowl in his room.
He reiterated that it had been far too late for him to wash up (!!), and that he was OUT ALL DAY after that, so I should appreciate his effort.
I answered with a multiple choice explanation of my decision making:
- do it myself, and be late for work
- leave it, so his Dad would probably injure himself trying to do it
- put it in his room, where his Dad couldn't see it
Or unavailable option:
- he could have done it himself, in the first place!!!
I pointed out that if it's too late to wash up, it's obviously too late to cook with multiple pans and use 7 plates.
I have also suggested that I put a D-lock on the fridge and freezer, so I can manage his ability to cook so late, and eat so much, thus avoiding further instances.
He also told me he planned to trash my daughter's room in revenge. I told him that my DD would have to fix the mess she created, and he would have to fix anything he did in retaliation, because I am not getting involved in their stupid bullshit.
To be continued........
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