Choosing Secondary schools

(8 Posts)
StepMum87 Tue 23-Jan-18 21:57:56

I was wondering if anyone here has experience of deciding on secondary schools when the child has two homes.

Worried that we'll just have to accept what DSD's mum wants. How much say have others and their OHs had on this.

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Tue 23-Jan-18 22:03:14

With PR your OH has a say I’m schools.

My OH’s EW is very bitter and won’t communicate. So my OH was concerned about school choice. The mother excluded my OH and wouldn’t allow him to have a say. There was a choice of 2 and my OH was happy with both so he let it go.

Your OH can take out a ‘specific issues order’ with the courts if he isn’t ‘allowed’ to get involved, have a say or doesn’t agree.

Personally I think both parents should have a say and work together.

ohreallyohreallyoh Tue 23-Jan-18 22:15:15

For the purpose of home address, I believe the authorities will use the address where the child benefit is registered. Bearing this in mind and if there is a difference of opinion as to which school is the best one, understanding catchments is key. There is no point running it through court if you don’t stand a chance of getting in the school you want. Speak with schools and the local authorities to be clear.

HLH9 Wed 24-Jan-18 11:16:57

My husband's ex partner recently announced that she wants their son to go to a different secondary school from what would be the norm for where they live. She wants him to go to one in a completely different village no where near where they live. We guess she is planning on moving there at some point. As it's 2 years before he goes to secondary school my husband has just told her that from now on he wants to be involved in all discussions about it. He has also said that if she's happy to consider other schools then they can talk about ones where we live. If he were to go to the one she wants he won't know anyone at all, whereas if he went to one by us he has lots of friends who live in our street that go there. My Husband and ex partner have him 50/50. So he feels his opinion matters just as much. Of course the child would probably like a say too. I can't imagine my DSS wanting to go to a school where he doesn't know anyone, but he would probably be too afraid to tell his mother any different as she makes him feel bad for not doing want she wants. It's hard if you can't get along but if the father is really involved in the child's life I think he should have a say

NorthernSpirit Wed 24-Jan-18 12:49:14

My advice would be the child goes to a school that is easily commutable from both parents homes. You need to be able to do the school pick up and drop offs - think about how you will facilitate a mid week visit and Sunday over night. Can you the child easily get to school on a Monday from yours?

user1493413286 Wed 24-Jan-18 14:09:00

DSDs Mum doenst involve DP whatsoever although DP doenst massively push this as she’s pretty on it with education so it’s more about picking out battles

StepMum87 Thu 25-Jan-18 19:23:03

Thanks everyone. Hate these things, I really hate conflict but almost unavoidable if we want to do what's best for DSD. So often step parenting feels like hitting head against a brick wall. 😋

OP’s posts: |


SandyY2K Thu 25-Jan-18 19:49:28

I think the child's opinion should be taken into account. Secondary school transfer is hard enough on kids.

Usually school visits are done by parents and DC the year before.

I advised my DB to be proactive with this, as his Ex had ideas of private school and for DB to pay.

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