I feel to call it a day

[Stepmum3]

Hi all,

Between us we have six children living with us.
Of late I just feel really low about the situation. We have lived together for 18 months. All the children come with issues and we both have a child each who hasn’t coped well with the split of their parents. And they both have melt downs. The elder child misses his mum and was secretly seeing her behind everyone’s back and she tells him things not appropriate for his age and treats him as her friend. When things aren’t going well with him we have very violent outbursts. The other child feels very similar except he sees his dad every other weekend and Dad is usual fairground parent. Spend all day on iPads, PlayStations and don’t go to bed till 11. This child’s behaviour is worse when he is tired too.

My partner feels I am anti his elder child as I find him sneaky and never has consequences. Also, if we have a row my partner and I this child always becomes involved rings his mum and violent etc. So in my own home I feel like I am walking on egg shells. This child has had counselling and she recommended he only sees his mum an hr a fortnight. This was only due to him going to see her anyway. So this was agreed turned out he did see her out of this timescale and took my elder son too. Who also got involved in the lies as I had a feeling he had and asked my son and he said no.

Now with this elder child he can do something wrong but will never have any consequences. No removal of Mobile etc. In fact on one occasion following a violent meltdown( he attacks Dad) his dad gave him money to hang out with friends. Since the counselling we haven’t had any counselling but just sneakiness and lies.

I feel like I am undermined with this child so I say one thing and then his dad goes the other way. I am trying to support him with his GCSEs as he near enough failed the mocks and I get undermined about how long he should be revising. All I get from my partner is I didn’t think.

Then yesterday I went to drop off at breakfast and sd had told the staff that I and her dad don’t care about her. This felt like a knife to the heart. When these children arrived they were covered in nits, dirty, didn’t know how to play(lacked imagination) were used to spending all their time on tablets/consoles and wanting to eat biscuits for breakfast. My partner’s mum had been their sole carer prior.

I work full time with children who have really troubled lives and I come home to the exact same.
I feel exhausted and I have told my partner I have had enough. I feel I pouring myself into a bottomless pit. I am exhausted and never seem to get a break. I love all the children, however I do find the elder child of my partner difficult to warm too. However, I will do as I do for my own.

I feel I have rambled but there is lots more MIL is a constant drain too. Partner will drop most things if she requests his help. I love my partner but I just don’t see a future. It would break my heart to lose the children but I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Regards, Stepmum3

[SandyY2K]

It seems you moved all the children in too soon. They were nowhere near ready and this is the outcome.

It should have been you with your children and him with his.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

There’s too much going on, your DP isn’t communicating with you, all of the DC must be miserable, you sound exhausted. You need to live apart and focus on your own DC.

Can you move out? I really really would. You can’t carry on like this and you might love your DP but he’s not treating you like a part by and with the best will in the world you can’t do it on your own.