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It's difficult!

(18 Posts)
Dorey27 Mon 08-Jan-18 20:26:57

In a nutshell- AIBU to want to spend my little girls 2nd birthday without my partners 6yr old boy this year? I want to take her to the zoo but the little boy whines and whinges soooo much about anything you try to do. He uses the toilet excuse every 10 minutes wherever you go and repeatedly moans about being bored/cold/hungry/tired. He's not the easiest of children and I really struggle with a bond.
He doesn't live with us but we have him fairly often. The weekend of my little girls birthday lands on the weekend we have the boy. Just for once I'd like the day to be about her and not about him whinging. Is it unreasonable to suggest to my partner we take her without him? I feel like I have one child- and I want to enjoy these occasions with her.

OP’s posts: |
Magda72 Mon 08-Jan-18 20:30:14

No it's not unreasonable to want to bring your dd by herself. But it is unreasonable to expect your dp to go with you & leave his ds behind! Especially as it's his weekend with him.
Take your dd yourself & meet up with them afterwards.

NorthernSpirit Mon 08-Jan-18 20:56:59

Not unreasonable for you and your daughter to do your own thing but it is unreasonable to ask your partner to join you and leave his son when he spends such limited time with him.

Does your OH think there’s a problem with his behaviour?

lunar1 Mon 08-Jan-18 20:57:21

So take 'the girl' without your partners son when it's not his weekend to stay. His little sister will probably love looking at pictures with her big brother on her birthday when she's older.

Quartz2208 Mon 08-Jan-18 21:05:49

Yes just take her when you don’t have him.

He sounds pretty normal (I remember mine whinging things were boring at that age)

Together you have two children a boy (not the boy) and a girl

SciFiG33k Tue 09-Jan-18 03:22:00

Agree with PPs you either need to take her on a weekend you don't have your DSS or just you and her go while your DP and his DS do something else fun together. You are being unreasonable to expect the three of you to go without his son on a weekend you would have his son.

Dorey27 Tue 09-Jan-18 03:56:37

You're all right. Reading back, it does sound unreasonable and like I'm being mean. I don't intend to be.
It can be a difficult situation and I do struggle with it.
We'll all go. Thanks

OP’s posts: |
swingofthings Tue 09-Jan-18 06:10:13

I agree, what you are suggesting is only going to bring on conflict when it can be totally avoided. Your DD will not going to be upset at her age if you say you are going on another day than her birthday, if anything, she will look forward to it, or indeed, you take her for a couple of hours after you've celebrated at home on your own.

What do you expect your OH to do with his son during that time? Leave him with a babysitter. What will his dad say to him? Sorry, we're going to the zoo as a happy family, but you're excluded because you're a pain the bottom? Come on, surely you know you're being totally unreasonable even if it's what you'd really really want.

Blackteadrinker77 Wed 10-Jan-18 15:51:08

You need to see him as your daughters brother, and your step son not "The boy"

I think you ABU. It is his weekend with you, take your DD another day.

Figrollsnotfatrolls Wed 10-Jan-18 15:54:57

Yanbu to expect your dh to explain to his ds its dd special day so can he try and enjoy himself!!

Unihorn Wed 10-Jan-18 16:02:21

Long term do you not forsee problems with these feelings? My DSD is 7 and its an irritating age but she's part of my family so I wouldn't dream of excluding her from my daughter's birthday. I suppose it depends on how long you've been together and your future plans.

KayaG Wed 10-Jan-18 16:07:59

Your DH needs to put his foot down with his son and tell him to stop whining. Ignore his attention seeking behaviour and reward his good behaviour.

swingofthings Wed 10-Jan-18 16:18:22

Look at it this way. Imagine 5 years from now. It's your DSS birthday and being 11, he wants to go bowling. Your DD is going through the whingy stage and your OH suspects that she will moan about being bored, not wanting to bowl, that she doesn't want to change shoes etc... because she is going through that stage, so tells her that she will be going to his parents whilst you all go and celebrate your DSS birthday because it will be much more fun without her there?

I doubt you would find this acceptable would you?

Dorey27 Wed 10-Jan-18 16:34:14

Ladies, read the second comment made. It was a vent of irritation. We're only human and it does happen. Put your pitch forks away

OP’s posts: |
MsGameandWatching Wed 10-Jan-18 21:01:47

* Put your pitch forks away*

What are you talking about? Everyone has been courteous to you confused

MaggieS41 Wed 10-Jan-18 21:15:55

I get it but you’ll have to take him. Yes 6 year old boys can be whiny etc whether they’re yours or not. Some SM’s have relationships with their SC where they can treat them as their own and not feel like the wicked SM. Others make you walk on egg shells. If it’s the latter then I empathise but there’s not much you can do. Except take your daughter another day!

Alphabetsoup4 Thu 11-Jan-18 00:17:34

I would just take my own child and excuse it as her own day just you and her. I don’t think you can ask DP to not take his son, unless she’s his daughter too? Sorry, bit confused.

swingofthings Thu 11-Jan-18 07:32:47

Sorry Dorey I didn't read your second post acknowledging you were being unreasonable, so indeed, there was no need to post my last comment. Did the birthday happen? If so, hope you did have a good day.

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