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Leaving partner and step children

(15 Posts)
Everest1 Fri 05-Jan-18 19:54:12

I'm in a tricky situation I love my partner
And his daughters but I'm finding some things very frustrating! I do most of the day to day things on the weekends we have the children I get up with them do breakfast get them dressed etc while dad stays in bed! I love spending time them so i don't see it as negative but i believe we should be equal in caring for them.
I'm pretty unhappy in my relationship if I'm honest and if wasn't for the children i don't think we'd be together! I'm the main earner at present so provide a home etc at weekends for the children. I just don't know what to do 😢

OP’s posts: |
MrsPrimAndProper Fri 05-Jan-18 19:58:06

Well if you're staying with him you need to have a straight up conversation with him. He needs to get his arse out of bed and step up to parent his children!!

That aside, if you're unhappy, leave him. Don't stay with him for the children.

NorthernSpirit Fri 05-Jan-18 20:10:07

He needs to start pulling his weight. He is taking advantage of you. It doesn’t matter if you are the main breadwinner or not he needs to take responsibility for himself and his children. It’s upto him to parent them.

You need to have a frank and honest conversation with him and be clear on what changes you would like to see.

HirplesWithHaggis Fri 05-Jan-18 20:18:09

There is absolutely no need to stay in a relationship "for the sake of the children" when said dc aren't yours. You have no responsibility for the dc, and although it's great you love them, their dad is the one who should be putting a roof over their head, feeding and dressing them. And he's a cockwomble.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 05-Jan-18 21:03:41

Has it always been like this? He sounds useless. Sorry, I know that’s not easy to hear but it’s true.

I adore my SDC and my husband and a lot of what I love about him is what a wonderful, hardworking, hands on, dedicated, interested, supportive, nurturing, involved father he is. I’d honestly struggle to respect and love him if he was lazy, couldn’t be bothered to parent them properly and expected me to do it all for him.

I do a huge amount for him and them but he NEVER takes my time and involvement for granted. I get up and make breakfast with them one day of the weekend and let him have a lie in because I want to. I also kick them all out of the house for a couple of hours on a weekend afternoon to go to the park so I get some time to myself.

I do quite a lot of “parenting” because it’s what suits all of us but they’d be fine without me, he was parenting capably and brilliantly before I was around. I only want to have DC with him because I know he’s a good dad already.

Are you living the life you want? Is he worthy of you? What do the next 10 years look like? When the DC are grown and move away to have their own lives, do you feel excited about growing old with him?

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 05-Jan-18 21:05:11

He must think he's landed on his feet! You pay for everything AND get up in the morning to look after his children?

You are being used. You need to dump this man.

GlitterSparkles17 Fri 05-Jan-18 23:09:49

Talk to him, tell him everything you’ve said on here, his reaction will tell you everything.
Men like him make my blood boil, they are his children and he’s the one who should be parenting them and getting up with them on a weekend, they are there to visit him not you. It sounds like they are very lucky you are in their life but don’t stay with him, these are HIS kids and he can’t be arsed to her out of bed for them he’s leaving it to someone else, imagine if you had a child with him he would be even worse!!

SandyY2K Sat 06-Jan-18 02:05:53

Why did you let this happen? Whete you attend to his kids and he lies in.

HeebieJeebies456 Sat 06-Jan-18 05:28:21

So he's a cocklodger then?

swingofthings Sat 06-Jan-18 07:47:40

Is is lazy by nature? If you are giving him mixed message and he is naturally lazy, then he will take advantage believing that you are indeed fully enjoying being with them and he is therefore doing you a favour by giving you time with them only.

Surely you've discussed how you feel with him. What does he say?

Newrules Sat 06-Jan-18 07:49:26

No not fair. Does he live with you or just stay at weekends with the children?

FlippingFoal Sat 06-Jan-18 09:00:47

As everyone else has said - why are you parenting his children? They are there to see him. Your time with the kids should be on your terms and should not be expected - he should help you to feel that you want to spend time with them, not obliged to. You are obliged in no way whatsoever.

I'd get a hobby which involved being out of the house at 6am on weekends ;)

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Sat 06-Jan-18 09:19:47

I feel like you're being taken advantage of OP.
As a PP said, there's no need to stay for the DC when they aren't yours.
Please find someone who will respect you.
Do you want children of your own?

lunar1 Sat 06-Jan-18 10:05:58

Imagine this carrying on for five more years, and think of the bond you would have with your stepchildren. No imagine him leaving you for whatever reason, you would have barley any legal recourse to see those children again if he didn't want you too. From the children's point of view you could just walk away with no obligations to them, despite being a primary career for so long.

These are just on top of all the valid points everyone else has raised. Both you and your stepchildren deserve better than this.

Samesituation Sat 06-Jan-18 20:15:01

So you're the earner who's been at work all week and you then still get up on a weekend to sort his kids out?? WTF?? Why is he not doing that and treating you to a nice lie in ? More to the point why is he not spending his time with his kids rather than his lazy arse in bed. Stop doing that straight away. You definitely need to talk and be honest and open with him and if he's not prepared to change ie get a job, contribute to the household, parent his kids, (I'd give a 3 month trial) then ask him to leave. You deserve so much more respect than what he's giving you right now.

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