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Changing daughters last name

(17 Posts)
Jods95 Thu 28-Dec-17 09:20:20

So I had a baby with my ex whom we split before she was born she is now 3 years old and her dad has been in and out of her life, I was pressured at the time as well as being young to put him on the birth certificate which I did, when my daughter was 3 months old I met the love of life which I never expected I would, 3 years on we are pregnant with our second, he has called my daughter his own, his family have welcomed us with open arms as their own, and we are all excited for the future. My daughters real dad has not seen her for over a year before and now after seeing her a few times has not bothered with her for over 4 months. I just want to know if In the future we can possibly change my daughters last name from mine to my partners name as our second child will have his name without her real dads consent as he is on the birth certificate. My partner also hopes at some stage to adopt my daughter. But I don’t know if all of this is possible with my ex dead beat dad being on her birth certificate although he is not in her life and is very abusive to me still after so many years. My daughter thinks of him as a stranger, one of mummy’s friends which was so sad to hear.

OP’s posts: |
daydreamnation Thu 28-Dec-17 09:31:37

Why don't you all have your surname? That's already on your dcs birth certificate and it's really easy for your dp to change his name, it can be done online.

swingofthings Thu 28-Dec-17 09:35:07

All those things are possible, but it's way too early to consider it. You've been together 3 years, which might feel like a long time, but isn't really when you take into consideration that what you want to do will impact your DD's life forever.

Adding to this is the fact that it could be quite a battle. Your ex has PR, so your partner would need to get PR too. For that, either your ex would need to agree, or you would need to evidence that he is acting as a dad and that it is reasonable that he should have it against the wishes of your ex. To remove PR from your ex against his will (or ignoring all contact), let alone get a judge to agree to adoption will be almost impossible unless your Ex is charged with something very bad.

In the end, it really won't matter that much. Many kids nowadays have separated/divorced parents and have different names to their siblings, step-parents who they consider as their parent. Of course, when she's 18, she will then have the option to change her name herself.

NorthernSpirit Thu 28-Dec-17 09:44:31

You can change the child’s name by deed poll only with the agreement of the father (as he is named on the birth certificate he has PR and wound have to agree to it).

Adoption is a lengthy process and again the father would have to agree to it.

runningoutofjuice Thu 28-Dec-17 09:53:59

Just keep to your name. New baby to have your name as well which I think is important. If dp feels having the same name is important to a family unit then he can change his.

SandyY2K Thu 28-Dec-17 12:35:17

Unless you marry new DP...give the child your surname.

This relationship could end...then you have 2 kids with different surnames to yours.

lunar1 Thu 28-Dec-17 15:34:29

Give your new baby your name, if your dp wants everyone to be the same he can change his.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Thu 28-Dec-17 15:36:51

I just want to know if In the future we can possibly change my daughters last name from mine to my partners name as our second child will have his name

Give all your children your surname and don’t change it on marriage. It’s 2017.

SparklyMagpie Thu 28-Dec-17 15:41:32

My little boy has my last name and if I were to ever have anymore children in the future ( which I do plan,but have to meet my future love first ha) my children will all be having my surname and if I was to marry my surname will remain , with the option of him taking my surname too

I do agree though,it will feel like forever love and it possibly will be but I still wouldn't change everyone's surnames and would stick to your own

SparklyMagpie Thu 28-Dec-17 15:43:19

Also,for adoption and change of name,your ex will have to agree and sign unless you can provide evidence, I've not been through this but from what I have heard, it's very rare a court would grant it

laloup1 Thu 28-Dec-17 18:01:27

Why does she need your partner’s name? Yours is perfectly good I’m sure.
Why is society so patriarchal? Let her keep your name and allow her to be proud of it!

Margaritaanyone89 Thu 28-Dec-17 22:24:54

Of course he 'pressured you' to be on the birth certificate. A birth certificate is a formal document which states who the biological parents are, not any guys you date afterwards.

If someone really cares about your child, they will be happy being a step parent and being known as their first name not unrightfully being called 'daddy'.

There is no reason for your partner to even be contemplating 'adopting' the child, she has a bio Dad.

I don't know the background story to why her bio Dad has not been in her life, it's often very complicated and there is always wrong doings on both sides, so I can't make a judgement to weather it's right or wrong.

I am a stepmum and I feel like it reaks of insecurity when I hear other people try to get there step children to call them 'mum' or 'daddy' when they're step-parents. I care for my DSC the same as I would my own child, they call me by my first name and that doesn't change our relationship. I respect that they have bio parents who naturally have the title 'mum' and 'dad'.

As for the surname, if you want to change it to your maiden name then that's understandable. But not if you want to change it to the guy you're currently dating, no that isn't fair.

Sevendown Thu 28-Dec-17 22:34:02

Give the new baby your surname.

WhataLovelyPear Fri 29-Dec-17 11:31:57

This does come across as you trying to rewrite history so that life is all perfect and pretty with matching names. My ex has been a pretty useless Dad, and was abusive so me but I wouldn't dream of trying to write him out of their lives so thoroughly. Focus on the relationships and show your daughter that real families are about so much more than matching surnames.

ThatIsNachoCheese Fri 29-Dec-17 11:48:33

I changed my dd's name when I got married. She had my name before that and I didn't want her to have a different name to me, or her brothers.
Luckily my ex didn't have PR (this was pre 2003) so I didn't need his permission.
If you asked him would he agree to it? If not, you may have to go to court to do it.

ThatIsNachoCheese Fri 29-Dec-17 11:50:51

Oh and @WhataLovelyPear, I wish I'd written my ex out of my daughter's life, he has hurt her over and over again and now she's 18 years old she wants nothing to do with him since the relationship has resulted in self harm and depression..
The long lasting impact of these damaging relationships can be severe. I wish I'd known.

InvisibleKittenAttack Fri 29-Dec-17 12:27:38

Another saying give new baby your surname. If your dp is the great step father you think he is, he'll want your dc1 to feel the same as her sibling. If you later marry, he could take your name, or double barrel it.

Don't give your DPs surname to your new baby if your surname is different. Always give the child yours.

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