My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice.

Step-parenting

Reality check needed

83 replies

ladyofassumption · 02/12/2017 09:42

Hi all,

Been struggling recently, feeling envious of my ex's lifestyle. Starting to question the level of support I receive. Would love to hear if this is normal or what others receive.
We were never married - 1DC.
Ex pays above 'standard requirement in child support'
EEW arrangement - plus when I need extra he picks up the slack.
Plus
Pays private school fees +books + uniform
Buys clothes, trainers, toys, days out etc
Offers of overseas holiday for DC (I've never allowed DC to go, don't want to be apart for 2 weeks)
Buys Christmas/birthday gifts.
Will contribute or pay for birthday party.
Despite this I struggle, live hand to mouth and never have extra. I work part time.
Looking at his lifestyle I think I should be more comfortable, but have no idea how to go about claiming more. Any advice ?

OP posts:
Report
AuntLydia · 02/12/2017 09:44

This is a reverse I assume?

Report
kittydetective · 02/12/2017 09:44

Reverse?

Report
Chillyegg · 02/12/2017 09:46

My ex thinks he’s a hero paying 13 quid I hope this a reverse or a joke!

Report
Notreallyarsed · 02/12/2017 09:47

I get fuck all, never have and never will (apart from a couple of payments from CSA before he managed to dodge that). He’s never contributed emotionally or financially to DS1.

Report
Heratnumber7 · 02/12/2017 09:48

He/she is supporting the children more than adequately.

He/she has no obligation to support you, particularly as you weren't married.

Go out and get a job if you want more money.

Report
Blankscreen · 02/12/2017 09:51

So you don't want child support you want a meal ticket for yourself.

Why don't you let your dc go on holiday with their dad??? It is very selfish of you not to allow it.

Tbh you sound like a total nightmare.

Get a job.

Report
RandomMess · 02/12/2017 09:52

You need a full time job and get him to share the after & before school care/costs and 50% of the school holiday care/costs.

Report
ladyofassumption · 02/12/2017 09:52

Nope not a reverse .... can't work full time as want to spend time with DC. Pick up drop off etc...to a degree I think he should support my lifestyle, why should DC suffer a drop in lifestyle while with me as oppose to my ex ?

OP posts:
Report
Notreallyarsed · 02/12/2017 09:53

Fair point actually, he’s not supposed to be giving you a decent lifestyle, he’s supposed to be doing that for his child. Which he is, more than most NRP from the sounds of it.

And it’s very selfish to deny your child a holiday because you don’t want them to go. Think of their needs, not your own.

Report
Solasum · 02/12/2017 09:54

I wish my ex did half that. Do let you children go on holiday, why should they miss out?

And I understand why you are working part-time, but realistically that isn’t eArning you enough for the lifestyle you want. So you have to change jobs/ find something extra on top

Report
RandomMess · 02/12/2017 09:54

You can't it have it both ways either you accept being "poor" or work full time which is what many families with 2 parents together have to do.

Report
BorgQueenie · 02/12/2017 09:54

Iiwy I'd work full time.

Report
AuntLydia · 02/12/2017 09:55

You get the same choice your ex has - work more to finance a decent lifestyle but see your child less. Or see your child more but have less money. Same choice most people have tbh.

Report
Emilybrontescorsett · 02/12/2017 09:55

You get far more than I do.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
Don't rely on your ex try and start to be self sufficient as you never know what the future holds.
You will begin to feel much better if you don't rely on him so much, not that he shouldn't be supporting his child of course.

Report
Wellonlyifihavetoo · 02/12/2017 09:55

Oh dear, I wouldn’t expect much sympathy here...

Report
Solasum · 02/12/2017 09:56

You can’t have it both ways I am afraid. Most parents would like to do drop off and pick up every day and spend more time with their children. But most people have to work, so they do.

Either you stay part-time and accept the consequences, or you work more, have more money but less time with your DC.

Report
NachoAddict · 02/12/2017 09:57

Your ex is supporting your child more than many, sounds like he is a good dad.
If you want more money then you will have to go and earn it.

Report
KittiKat · 02/12/2017 10:02

Why is this in Step-parenting? Are you the EX's new partner?

Report
ladyofassumption · 02/12/2017 10:06

I thought this was the best place to get opinions from split families .....

OP posts:
Report
kittydetective · 02/12/2017 10:08

You're getting people's opinions OP

Report
MyKingdomForBrie · 02/12/2017 10:13

He already pays more than he is required to, he doesn’t need to give you spousal support because you weren’t married. He doesn’t have to support you in the lifestyle you wish to live, that’s just not how it works.

Let the poor dc go on holidays, what an absurd stance.

Report
Dollyparton3 · 02/12/2017 10:14

So, let me get this straight OP, you were never married, he pays for every single thing that your child could need but you feel that he should give you more money because you choose not to work? And you come to the stepparenting board to see if the partners of dad’s who pay maintenance agree with you?

Jog on love, you couldn’t have picked a less appropriate board to post on.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

NorthernSpirit · 02/12/2017 10:14

You weren’t married. Your EX has no responsibility to support you.

The dad supports the child more than adequately (over CSA amount, private school fees, clothes, offers holidays etc etc.....). Which is very selfish of you not to let her go on holiday.

You complain that ‘I think he should support my lifestyle’. You sound entitled. Get a full time job and support yourself. Why should he support you? Get some self respect.

My OH’s EW sounds similar. Refused to get a job and believed her EH should support her. The children were 11 and 8 at the time. She even stood up in front of a female judge and announced that working mothers are bad mothers. Judges now order all mothers whose children are in year 4 can work full time. The world doesn’t owe you a living. Go out and earn, don’t relay on anyone else.

Report
CosmicCanary · 02/12/2017 10:19

You want a better lifestyle then YOU need to fund it.

Your ex has a responsibility to finacially provide for the children not you.

Report
MycatsaPirate · 02/12/2017 10:19

Get a job.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.