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Reality check needed

(84 Posts)
ladyofassumption Sat 02-Dec-17 09:42:13

Hi all,

Been struggling recently, feeling envious of my ex's lifestyle. Starting to question the level of support I receive. Would love to hear if this is normal or what others receive.
We were never married - 1DC.
Ex pays above 'standard requirement in child support'
EEW arrangement - plus when I need extra he picks up the slack.
Plus
Pays private school fees +books + uniform
Buys clothes, trainers, toys, days out etc
Offers of overseas holiday for DC (I've never allowed DC to go, don't want to be apart for 2 weeks)
Buys Christmas/birthday gifts.
Will contribute or pay for birthday party.
Despite this I struggle, live hand to mouth and never have extra. I work part time.
Looking at his lifestyle I think I should be more comfortable, but have no idea how to go about claiming more. Any advice ?

AuntLydia Sat 02-Dec-17 09:44:42

This is a reverse I assume?

kittydetective Sat 02-Dec-17 09:44:55

Reverse?

Chillyegg Sat 02-Dec-17 09:46:17

My ex thinks he’s a hero paying 13 quid I hope this a reverse or a joke!

Notreallyarsed Sat 02-Dec-17 09:47:56

I get fuck all, never have and never will (apart from a couple of payments from CSA before he managed to dodge that). He’s never contributed emotionally or financially to DS1.

Heratnumber7 Sat 02-Dec-17 09:48:03

He/she is supporting the children more than adequately.

He/she has no obligation to support you, particularly as you weren't married.

Go out and get a job if you want more money.

Blankscreen Sat 02-Dec-17 09:51:06

So you don't want child support you want a meal ticket for yourself.

Why don't you let your dc go on holiday with their dad??? It is very selfish of you not to allow it.

Tbh you sound like a total nightmare.

Get a job.

RandomMess Sat 02-Dec-17 09:52:01

You need a full time job and get him to share the after & before school care/costs and 50% of the school holiday care/costs.

ladyofassumption Sat 02-Dec-17 09:52:16

Nope not a reverse .... can't work full time as want to spend time with DC. Pick up drop off etc...to a degree I think he should support my lifestyle, why should DC suffer a drop in lifestyle while with me as oppose to my ex ?

Notreallyarsed Sat 02-Dec-17 09:53:19

Fair point actually, he’s not supposed to be giving you a decent lifestyle, he’s supposed to be doing that for his child. Which he is, more than most NRP from the sounds of it.

And it’s very selfish to deny your child a holiday because you don’t want them to go. Think of their needs, not your own.

Solasum Sat 02-Dec-17 09:54:12

I wish my ex did half that. Do let you children go on holiday, why should they miss out?

And I understand why you are working part-time, but realistically that isn’t eArning you enough for the lifestyle you want. So you have to change jobs/ find something extra on top

RandomMess Sat 02-Dec-17 09:54:24

You can't it have it both ways either you accept being "poor" or work full time which is what many families with 2 parents together have to do.

BorgQueenie Sat 02-Dec-17 09:54:32

Iiwy I'd work full time.

AuntLydia Sat 02-Dec-17 09:55:11

You get the same choice your ex has - work more to finance a decent lifestyle but see your child less. Or see your child more but have less money. Same choice most people have tbh.

Emilybrontescorsett Sat 02-Dec-17 09:55:18

You get far more than I do.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
Don't rely on your ex try and start to be self sufficient as you never know what the future holds.
You will begin to feel much better if you don't rely on him so much, not that he shouldn't be supporting his child of course.

Wellonlyifihavetoo Sat 02-Dec-17 09:55:37

Oh dear, I wouldn’t expect much sympathy here...

Solasum Sat 02-Dec-17 09:56:08

You can’t have it both ways I am afraid. Most parents would like to do drop off and pick up every day and spend more time with their children. But most people have to work, so they do.

Either you stay part-time and accept the consequences, or you work more, have more money but less time with your DC.

NachoAddict Sat 02-Dec-17 09:57:49

Your ex is supporting your child more than many, sounds like he is a good dad.
If you want more money then you will have to go and earn it.

KittiKat Sat 02-Dec-17 10:02:25

Why is this in Step-parenting? Are you the EX's new partner?

ladyofassumption Sat 02-Dec-17 10:06:58

I thought this was the best place to get opinions from split families .....

kittydetective Sat 02-Dec-17 10:08:34

You're getting people's opinions OP

MyKingdomForBrie Sat 02-Dec-17 10:13:36

He already pays more than he is required to, he doesn’t need to give you spousal support because you weren’t married. He doesn’t have to support you in the lifestyle you wish to live, that’s just not how it works.

Let the poor dc go on holidays, what an absurd stance.

Dollyparton3 Sat 02-Dec-17 10:14:21

So, let me get this straight OP, you were never married, he pays for every single thing that your child could need but you feel that he should give you more money because you choose not to work? And you come to the stepparenting board to see if the partners of dad’s who pay maintenance agree with you?

Jog on love, you couldn’t have picked a less appropriate board to post on.

NorthernSpirit Sat 02-Dec-17 10:14:49

You weren’t married. Your EX has no responsibility to support you.

The dad supports the child more than adequately (over CSA amount, private school fees, clothes, offers holidays etc etc.....). Which is very selfish of you not to let her go on holiday.

You complain that ‘I think he should support my lifestyle’. You sound entitled. Get a full time job and support yourself. Why should he support you? Get some self respect.

My OH’s EW sounds similar. Refused to get a job and believed her EH should support her. The children were 11 and 8 at the time. She even stood up in front of a female judge and announced that working mothers are bad mothers. Judges now order all mothers whose children are in year 4 can work full time. The world doesn’t owe you a living. Go out and earn, don’t relay on anyone else.

CosmicCanary Sat 02-Dec-17 10:19:57

You want a better lifestyle then YOU need to fund it.

Your ex has a responsibility to finacially provide for the children not you.

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