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Will this bitterness and game playing ever end?

(10 Posts)
HelloSquirrels Wed 29-Nov-17 19:02:10

Because i am not only bored shitless of it, but really feel for dss who is way too aware whats going on.

Probably out myself now but what kind of mother wont pay £5 for a bus pass for their own child. Fuck me i cannot be arsed with this constant you owe me x y and z because you get benefits and tax credits yeah for the youngests childcare and maintenance.

He must realise that she sees him as an inconvenience now hes not living with her.

This is going to continue until hes an adult isnt it?

I want a quiet life!

ohreallyohreallyoh Wed 29-Nov-17 20:35:08

Because the joy of being the non resident parent is that you pay maintenance and nothing else? My ex won’t even pay maintenance or give our eldest £2 for bus fare if I forget because that, apparently, my choice.

HelloSquirrels Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:05

Seemingly yes although funilly enough that was not the case when dss lived at his mum's and nor would i expect it to be.

Shes just being spiteful but the only person shes hurting is her son, over a flaming fiver.

ThomasRichard Wed 29-Nov-17 20:49:43

Yes, it probably will because it’s the only way she feels like she’s still on control.

My exH does this. It’s absolutely infuriating and I’m still working out how to deal with it.

HelloSquirrels Wed 29-Nov-17 20:54:50

We dont know how to deal with it either. I want to say no out of principle, but shell cancel it and well have to pay full fare for another week. Then i think oh its £5 just give her it avoid the argument but then it will just continue to happen.

I can only hope the older dss gets the less often it will happen. and maybe she'll eventually get over dp and get on with her life

NorthernSpirit Wed 29-Nov-17 21:14:55

This is the one last way the mother feels she is in control.

The mother has no control. She has an obligation to facilitate contact for the children.

My OH has court agreed finances (and however much he paid to the EW it wasn’t enough - even though it’s court ordered). He now pays CSA amount + £100 per mounth. Plus clothes / extras when the children stay with us (as the mother won’t let the children bring any clothes / items to ours). In fact (in her words - the children will be stripped naked across the news). They are 9 and 12. What a disgusting individual.

ohreallyohreallyoh Wed 29-Nov-17 21:56:41

If you don’t want it to be a problem for your DSS, pay up and gloss over it. That’s what I do. My children have a positive relationship with their father. I hope that one day they will judge him for not supporting them financially but that needs to come from them. Ignore it. It’s the only way.

swingofthings Thu 30-Nov-17 08:49:13

Same here, the other way around. Ex has not paid maintenance for 10 years despite working, but has always insisted that I should pay for their bus fare for them to go and see him every week-end, because according to him, it's me who's moved away (20 minutes), even though that allowed them to go to a much better school.

I agree, when you deal with people like this, the energy that is wasted in anger is not worth it. The kids know who to respect.

HelloSquirrels Thu 30-Nov-17 11:12:44

ohreally we have just paid it now because we cant be bothered with the hassle. Whay annoyed me more is that she said shed rather cancel it and lose her £5 than just suck it up so her son can get to school and her house.

swing its frustrating isnt it. She chose (on her own - wouldn't allow dp any involvement) dss school (before he moved in with us) and she chose not only a crap school but one miles away from both our houses, with the most expensove school uniform. And of course we contributed to all that, but now the shoe is on the other foot it is all our problem because "you get maintenance". Im not entirely sure what she thinks it pays for and why hers goes so much further but what we paid her (more by a long stretch) wasnt ever enough.

I can only hope dss sees for himself what a selfish nasty woman she is and distances himself from her.

Justoneme Thu 30-Nov-17 11:52:59

I think some Ex's are just bitter and resentful as mentioned above it's all about control ... lords know what the children are thinking ... shameful.

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