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Who actually enjoys being a stepparent?

(57 Posts)
Hoplittlerabbit Fri 24-Nov-17 17:00:44

I want to hear some positive stories. People obviously post on this board when there is an issue and they need advice but it can be very ‘doom and gloom’ and can often focus on the negatives.

So let’s share some lovely positive stories as a reminder to those who are struggling with their own situations. It isn’t always bad. It is challenging and at times appears unrewarding but it can also be wonderfully fulfilling being a stepparent.

I personally struggled in the early days with many things and most of all my DPs children’s behaviour. However in recent months it all seems to have settled down and we are very happy - all of us!

Share your lovely experiences of stepparenting flowers

Grimmfebruary Fri 24-Nov-17 17:04:23

I was 19 when I met dp and his ds. I loved being able to give him back at that age 😂 But he's now 7, dp and I are having our own dc and his ds and I are very much the best of friends and I love to spoil him and buy clothes for him. Always game for a cuddle and a squish on your knee, he's a lovely little boy.

Hoplittlerabbit Fri 24-Nov-17 17:10:10

Grimm lovely grin
I sometimes think the love of a stepchild is extra special because they’re under no obligation to love you. It seems so genuine and sweet

bluejelly Fri 24-Nov-17 17:13:13

I love my two step DC. They're amazing young women and I'm so lucky to have them in my life

Hoplittlerabbit Fri 24-Nov-17 17:19:10

blue sounds like they’re lucky to have you too by that statement

Grimmfebruary Fri 24-Nov-17 17:24:56

I know, i keep telling him he's still my number 1. We do craft and Lego together and sneak treats out the kitchen 😂

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 17:25:16

I have a fab relationship with younger dsd, older one it has been trickier but it maybe because she is just a trickier person. She is utterly apple of her father's eye... And he onky left their mother when she went to uni... The younger one didn't get that consideration. I think I naturally warmed to younger one as she was not daddy's favourite and frankly I felt sorry for her.
But all our daughters arw now over 18, and we get along really well.
I definitely love younger one, a bit more... But treat them all the same.
We do holidays and Christmas and big family lunches etc and I see dsd and dds on my own... We do lunch and shopping and spa days... It is rare for a week to go by without one or more of them being around.

Hoplittlerabbit Fri 24-Nov-17 17:32:08

That’s a very honest statement jellybean I think sometimes the younger SC is easier to win around as they are younger and more adaptable. It’s nice to hear your story xx

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 21:51:14

Thank you hop along
My circumstances are different or at least complex, and I fully empathise with my oldest dad's feelings.
I met dp when we were married to other people, the affair was found out by dp's ex wife when dd1 was 10, she was used extensively as a pawn by her mother. My dp has never forgiven himself for this. Though he'd never admit it.
Dsd1 remembers far more than dsd2... But I have always tried hard, while nor feeling I have to make it up to her, to make her understand my remorse but in the end her father chose to stay in the unhappy marriage for her sake and I did not encourage this nor did I encourage him to leave.
I have found steady reliable quiet respect and understanding of her feelings has done the work for me and we are both genuinely fond of each other and being a blended family is easy.
I have been incredibly lucky with my dds and dexh, we all get along famously and have immersed dsds in this.
Christmas is with us this yr, so all four daughters, various boyfriends, my dp, my dexh and his dp too... I think this modelling of re-worked amicable adult relationships has helped all the girls see that, well sh@t happens, people do fall out of love, etc and there is a way to merge these relationships and connected ones, so all can move forward and in many ways lives are enriched

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 21:54:21

Possibly helped by fact my dexh has a same sex partner now who has become self appointed gay best friend to all four girls and has helped immensely.
We really are the 21st century poster family for diversity!

lifeandtheuniverse Fri 24-Nov-17 22:09:39

jellybean - just out of interest, what happened to your DPs Ex?

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 22:13:12

Mmm... I don't mind answering that, have always tried to be pretty up front on mn.
My dp's ex is still deeply unhappy about their divorce.
The girls were 19 and 16 when their parents separated, so were able to make many choices for themselves.
Exwife is very bitter, as she is entitled to be, and blames me 100%

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 22:14:00

That could have made my relationship with my dsds difficult

Tiptopj Fri 24-Nov-17 22:17:24

I have a great relationship with my step son- he was 4 when I met him and is 19 now. I'm very lucky that he has always been a chilled out boy, no attitude no trouble just happy for someone to sit and watch him play his PlayStation. I care for him a lot but I've never felt like a second mum to him as he has his mum. I'm more of a friend and guardian. Hes very much like his dad but I like to think there's a bit of my personality in him to.

Chewbecca Fri 24-Nov-17 22:17:36

I certainly do enjoy it now, my DSS are 29 & 31. I met them when they were 11&12 I think. There were challenging times as teens but they passed, as all phases do. Now DH and I give usual parental type support to them, practical help, guidance loans. One is going to have a baby next year, I cannot wait, I'm going to be a granny!

IfyouseeRitaMoreno Fri 24-Nov-17 22:19:24

Not me but one of my friends has a lovely relationship with her DSD.

She’s known her since a baby. They get on really well and when she talks about her DSD at uni she gets all misty eyed with pride in the same way she does when she’s talking about her DS.

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 22:20:52

Oooh chewbacca.. What will you be known as? Granny, nanny or something else.

My dp's ex wife has already said that she doesn't ever want me to be known as grandma or granny or nanny etc to any future children of dsds...

Chewbecca Fri 24-Nov-17 22:22:57

I don't care what I'm called to be honest, DSS and his GF can call me anything they like, so long as I can coo over the baby! They have already called us Nanny & Grandad though & said they're fine with the baby having 3 Nans.

Chewbecca Fri 24-Nov-17 22:24:20

I don't think ex wife will have any say in the matter, they wouldn't consult her. There are no bad feelings between us all though.

theredjellybean Fri 24-Nov-17 22:25:00

Ahhh... Sounds lovely chewbacca.
Secretly I can't wait to be a grandma, even if it is just a step grandma

Chewbecca Fri 24-Nov-17 22:28:02

Me too thered, though I made no secret of it grin. It is definitely a benefit of step parenthood, you (often) get to be granny much sooner than you do via your joint DC.

user1493413286 Fri 24-Nov-17 22:30:56

I love my stepdaughter, she’s amazing and while I don’t always enjoy everything that comes with being a step parent (primarily the ex’s involvement in our lives, control over things etc), i would put up with all the crap from the ex and more to continue being involved in her life. I’ve been lucky though that I was able to have such a good relationship with my stepdaughter and the ex is relatively positive towards me as a result

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Fri 24-Nov-17 22:41:35

I have always been really fond of DSS2 and our relationship has been really easy. DSS1 is a different story because he behaved really badly for a long period - stealing, taking drugs, being workshy - and DH has had enough of his attitude towards life and his family, and reported him to the police when he cleaned DH's bank account out and sold his wedding ring and army papers (this was before we met). He lived with us on and off in his 20s and while I would give anyone another chance, I found it depressing having to take my handbag to bed every night just to make sure he didn't rob me.

Just to be clear, DH was a lone parent to both boys for most of their childhoods, from when DSS2 was a baby. I met DH when DSS2 was 12 and DSS1 18. DSS1 is now a father, but DH's exW has custody of DGS due to DSS1's drug use and his ex gf neglecting DGS. To DGS he has three sets of grandparents - me and DH, DH's exW and her second DH (who she's now divorced from) and his mum's parents.

laloup1 Sat 25-Nov-17 08:02:23

@hoplittlerabbit good idea
Overall I love life with my boyf and his daughter. I don't have children and so it's pretty special to see the world through the eyes of a little one.
We have so many good times together.
Its a tough gig. It's impossible for me not to feel on the outside sometimes. But I invest. His daughter and I spend a fair amount of one-on-one time together, which in many ways is a sacrifice on my side as I don't get to spend nearly as much time on other things that are important to me. (I know that sounds selfish but being the far side of 40 when a little baby sneaked into my life, to be honest, I already had a life!) But I am in it for the long haul so I want her to know that I am there for her.
It's most definitely fun making cakes together. It's rewarding seeing her enjoying eating something that I sneaked lots of veggies into, encouraging her to try new things, seeing things like her drawing skills develop etc etc. It melts my heart seeing her and her dad hanging out together - she loves doing DIY.
It's not so fun doing the supermarket shop together (especially when she manages to snag a kiddy sized trolley), when she has a tantrum because she wants to wear something entirely impractical for the planned activity, when I see her playing her dad and he's falling for it, when she has her moments when she doesn't want to share her dad with me. I'm a little weary of all things having to be pink.
And I have a constant state of fear that one day her mum will succeed in turning her against me and that this will rip us all apart.
Overall the highs outweigh the lows for me. It's been interesting thinking about it. Thanks for posing the questions.

bluejelly Sat 25-Nov-17 08:18:13

Aw it sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your DSD laloup smile
Don't worry the pink phase will end grin

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