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Need Advice 🙁 Mums with kids and stepdads

(16 Posts)
IrishMum94 Tue 21-Nov-17 15:03:32

Hello. My boyfriend of two years is a truck driver. My son from my previous relationship is 2 (almost 3). My boyfriend is away most weeks and some weekends, I don’t see him as much as I would like and this means my son sees him even less because I sometimes work weekends or he stays with his dad (from previous relationship). I am finding when my boyfriend and my son are together and my son is playing up as kids do he will lose his temper and curse at my child, I find this upsetting as I don’t think he should be cursing at the child like the child is able to understand it, calling names etc, and puts it down to he believes the child should no better, and that it’s not his temper that’s the problem. This temper and cursing has happened on two occasions now and I am contemplating ending the relationship for the sake of my son as I don’t believe they are bonding well. I believe that my son is a constant reminder to my boyfriend of my ex. Although my boyfriend has tried to build a relationship with my son his job and him being away so much hasn’t helped things, our relationship as a couple is relatively good most of the time as I have learned to accept the work situation. I feel I have no choice but to nip things in the bud now and put my own feelings aside, I was raised in an aggressive house as a child and do not want the same for my son, deeply would appreciate advice from other mums or dads who have been in this situation or know anyone who has.

OP’s posts: |
Buggeritimgettingup Tue 21-Nov-17 15:30:34

End it for both your sakes a man that shouts at a 2/3 year old is not healthy

Justbookedasummmerholiday Tue 21-Nov-17 15:32:10

Op you already had a toddler. You don't need a stroppy teenager just yet.
Ltb and find a man who enjoys your ds.

HughLauriesStubble Tue 21-Nov-17 15:33:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShowMeTheElf Tue 21-Nov-17 15:35:16

Your son is 2. If you don't protect him from this aggressive man who will?
Kids push boundaries and god knows I have shouted at mine on occasion, but not at the age of 2: nothing is deliberate at that age.
You need to end your relationship for your child's wellbeing.

TieGrr Tue 21-Nov-17 15:38:11

He's not even around him much and can't control his temper. Your son and you deserve better.

DubaiismyBlackpool Tue 21-Nov-17 15:39:47

End the relationship Irish, your son is still very small and needs your protection. A grown man cursing a toddler is not acceptable at all.
Yes, your son might be 'playing up' but hes a CHILD, that's what they do. A grown man, well, acting like a child is not what you or your son need.

You come as a package, your partner needs to accept that.

IrishMum94 Tue 21-Nov-17 15:41:47

Thanks for opinions, can I add I haven’t condoned this on either occasion I have spoke up and explain how wrong it was. It happened Sunday night and I have not spoke to him since, confused on what road to take, upsetting as the situation is my son comes first no matter who or what.

OP’s posts: |
Fishface77 Tue 21-Nov-17 15:43:11

Dump him.

Put your child first.

swingofthings Tue 21-Nov-17 15:43:19

It sounds like he doesn't agree with the way you are disciplining him/raising him and that's leading to him feeling frustrated and lashing out.

Whether you talk about it and try to find a compromise or you don't, the situation can't stay as it is as it's not doing any favours to anyone.

coffeecoffeemorecoffee Tue 21-Nov-17 16:03:37

I've been in your situation - jealousy towards my ex, nasty to toddler. It doesn't get better. I know it's hard but your child has to come first

EsmeeMerlin Tue 21-Nov-17 16:08:17

Dump him.

Your child needs to come first and does not deserve to be shouted at and sworn at by your boyfriend. If he can't control himself around a 2 year old then what will it be like when your child is older.

flimp Tue 21-Nov-17 16:09:41

This is very simple: YOUR CHILD MUST COME FIRST

This man is showing you that he is capable of blaming a two year old for his own angry outbursts. That is fucked up.

Get him out of your child's life.

Ilovetolurk Tue 21-Nov-17 16:59:39

Echoing the above

Trust your gut OP

lunar1 Tue 21-Nov-17 20:18:21

Bloody hell, end it.

Magda72 Wed 22-Nov-17 00:33:14

Steer well clear of anyone who shouts at a 2 yr old!

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