I'm annoyed, really annoyed!

[LazySusan11]

Dh and I were at an event last night with friends, dsd was staying with a friend..we have her this weekend sat-tues. last night she called at 8pm and asked what time we’d be home, dh told her we would be late and she didn’t want to know anymore. Given she was staying with a friend and it wasn’t officially our night we thought no more of it.

Got home in the early hours (event was an hrs drive away) and we couldn’t work out if we’d been burgled or had a ghost! It was very apparent that dsd had come to ours that evening let herself in with her friends and had quite the party.

Bowls and glasses left out, her bag, overnight bag, socks etc in a trail from downstairs to upstairs, mess everywhere. A bloodied sanitary towel thrown in the bathroom bin not wrapped or put in anything and clothes in our bedroom had been moved, my makeup had been used and left elsewhere.

This morning I went to collect the cigarettes my friend had left at ours before we left for the event and had forgotten to pick them up to drop them off on my way out, only to find they had gone. A full unopened pack.

Dh spoke to dsd on the phone who expressed she felt it was her right to spend a few hours at ours without us being there and apparently her and 3 others were in our bedroom lying on our bed, 2 of the girls went through my drawers whilst other 2 tried on my lipsticks etc.

I am really bloody unhappy about this, of course she is entitled to come to us whenever she likes when we are there, however she specifically checked that we wouldn’t be at home.

I feel as though my personal space has been hugely violated. How dare they go through my belongings and use my make up. She knows who stole the cigarettes too.

Dh is shocked that frankly she could behave this way and also annoyed as I am.

Dsd is 14, not an adult!

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

I would go beserk! I'd change the locks. She is so disrespectful.

[SwissChristmasMuseum]

Of course it's her right to be in her home when you're not there! Perhaps she could be told to respect other peoples' stuff though.

[Jinglebellhell17]

Nope, nope and nope! I wouldn’t leave any teenager unattended in my house, step or otherwise, who couldn’t be trusted.

[headintheproverbial]

I think the fact that she is your DSD and doesn't live there full time is a red herring. I'd deal with this on the basis that your teen had a party without permission, let her friends go through your stuff etc.

I don't think it's right to change the locks as suggested by a PP or focus on the fact she let herself in. It's her home too.

Little bugger though!

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

Swiss - she wasn't just at home though was she? She pre planned a party without permission and allowed her friends to trash it!!
Consequences op consequences.

[SwissChristmasMuseum]

Trusted to do what? Have some friends over? Ok, a FEW clear rules might be in order, like asking first and Leaving everyone else's things alone. And tidying up. But it's not "yours", it's her dad's home and hers too.

[LazySusan11]

It’s the going through my bedroom drawers, my personal belongings, using my make up and one of them stealing my friends cigarettes that has annoyed me the most. It’s just so disrespectful, she claims to have done nothing wrong

[SwissChristmasMuseum]

Yes, Lazy, that's not good. Clear rules from her dad should sort that out, hopefully?

[LazySusan11]

And this isn’t the first time I have asked her to stay out of our bedroom. She has light fingers where my makeup is concerned. Ask first please don’t just take because that is theft.

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

Take pics and send them to her dm so she understands why you are doing xy+z or you will be the bad guy when she denies doing anything to the house .

[QuiteLikely5]

Change the locks?! Very ott

She’s 14 fgs it’s gets worse when they’re 15

[LazySusan11]

We all get on very well with her dm and partner, no issues there at all. Dh will be dealing with it, she’s already told me as I am not her parent I cannot tell her what to do. I will leave this to Dh but venting here because I don’t want to vent to Dh anymore.

[SwissChristmasMuseum]

Just, I think that's a horrid suggestion.

[LazySusan11]

We won’t be changing the locks, this is her home too and in no way is she not welcome. There will however be consequences I just have no idea what they will be or if I’m honest should be. Im so disappointed in her.

[DukesofHazzard]

Shocking behaviour from her. I would get a lock on your bedroom door to stop her stealing your make-up.

[Reppin]

Stealing your cigarettes and using your stuff is not acceptable. But where else are you supposed to put used sanpro, if not in the bin?

[SwissChristmasMuseum]

Dukes, would you do the same if it were your own daughter?

[DarthMaiden]

You’ve every right to be annoyed.

She’s absolutely premeditated this party by checking you were both out.

Using your bedroom and allowing her friends to rifle though your possessions and make up is appalling behaviour.

The facts she’s your SD is utterly moot.

I would be equally furious with DSD or DS if either of them did this.

It’s the family home which means it should be respected by all members of the family - which includes other people’s spaces and possessions.

I’d be putting a lock on my bedroom door as a start point.

She’s also be grounded, have to pay the cost of the cigarettes and banned from having friends over for a month.

Having friends around isn’t the problem here, it’s the deviousness of doing it without permission and demonstrating an appalling lack of respect to other people’s space and possessions. Equally the fact she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong - when frankly absolutely has.

But don’t worry I’m sure someone will be along to tell you that you should suck it up because as a SM your feelings on the matter aren’t important....

[LazySusan11]

Reppin obviously sanitary towels can go in the bin but perhaps wrap them back on itself or in tissue so I don’t have to then empty a bin with a towel thrown in bloodied side up. I gave her little bags to put her towels in before they go in the bin. The point is she does not care, she has no respect for anyone or anything.

[AlternativeTentacle]

wont she need to replace everything she stole? including all tne make up?

[SwissChristmasMuseum]

Have you asked her why, Lazy?

[Appuskidu]

She was 14-where did she tell her Mum she was? I would want to know where my 14 year old was when she was out and would normally drop and collect her!

[LazySusan11]

I don’t have any of my own dc so I’m not sure how to tackle things from my angle. She isn’t public enemy no1, she is welcome here as and when it’s her home too, just not when we aren’t there late at night and bring your friends along, she’s still only 14. We never walk into her room we knock first.

I understand that some of this is apparently ‘teen behaviour’ and the disrespect goes with the territory at times. I’m annoyed because she has been told several times about having respect for other people for their things and to not just assume she can help herself to things in our bedroom. As far as I am concerned our bedroom is our private space and there is nothing in there that she needs.

This is old ground but she’s notched it up a touch with the deceit and theft. I don’t get why she can’t see what she did wasn’t acceptable. The girls who were here will not be coming back into our house for the foreseeable, anyone who steals is not welcome.

[DarthMaiden]

Another issue here is that she’s lied about where she was.

The OP and her DH - and I would assume her DM - thought she was at a friends house.

If anything had happened, no-one had a clue where she was.

She’s not an adult, she’s 14.

[LazySusan11]

Her Mum agreed to let her stay at a friends house for the night and we would collect her the next morning. Her dum has no idea what has happened as yet. It was her, the friend she was staying with and 2 others. I haven’t spoken to her yet, I don’t feel it is my place. Dh isn’t really discussing it however I am aware of how annoyed he is. She is at a party tonight (I would have stopped that) and apparently refused to come home with Dh, she’s gone to the party with the friend she stayed with. Dh is taking the tact that if she chooses to stay away tonight tomorrow she will have heavy sanctions placed on her.

Personally she’s showed she can’t make good decisions and isn’t trustworthy so would have brought her home regardless and stopped her going to the party. However I may be far more hard on her than Dh. I feel sad she’s done this and feels no remorse.