Feeling sad

[Marissa2727]

I’m going through a really bad time with my depression at the moment. It was really difficult to get out of bed this morning and face the day.

I’m sat here with my husband and stepkids who are all playing together. I’m feeling detached and excluded. There’s toys everywhere and noise, normally this doesn’t bother me but today I just want to cry. I just don’t feel like I fit in and feel like a bit of an outsider in my own home. Normally this doesn’t get to me so much, I just get on with things but today with the depression I just feel so isolated and detached. I don’t even feel like I could try to join in, almost as if I am zoned out.

I don’t know what I’m asking here really but I don’t know who else I could talk to. Has anyone else felt like this?

[drfostersbra]

I feel EXACTLY the same as you today so hand hold.

Ive spent most of the day fantasising about leaving, what my life would feel like if I just ran away and somehow it helps :)
xx

[Marissa2727]

Oh no hope your day has got better - sending hugs.

My step kids have been really badly behaved all day. Mimicking us, having to be told things at least 7 times before even considering doing as they are told, general defiance, ignoring us, ordering me to ‘move’, hitting each other, back chat and screaming. They have become very entitled too, one trip out (e.g to cinema) is never enough. They demand to go swimming, to MacDonalds and cinema all in one day or we are ‘rubbish’. We are also apparently rubbish if we don’t buy them a £150 toy (not for birthday or Christmas) as their Mum would do this, so they say.

They don’t care about time out etc as they will just play up & ignore us anyway. We can’t talk to their mum about it as she believes that they are perfectly well behaved all the time. I can’t believe that she thinks that this behaviour is good or normal.

I understand that kids will be naughty and test the boundaries for some of the day. But all day, every single time? Surely this is not normal. I can’t cope with it and wondering if this is what having kids is really like then I don’t ever want any of my own!

[drfostersbra]

That sounds monstrous. Are they trying to get your DH attention?
Could you just go out while they're there?

[Marissa2727]

I don’t think so as he gives them a lot of attention, they are just like that. I could and do go out but can’t all of the time 😔. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have to as well because it is my home too. @drfostersbra

[drfostersbra]

I know what you mean. I feel like that too. Like I spend all my time and money making it a lovely home to then have to just go out feels horrible, for me it can be just a sanity saver though and stops me from pressing self destruction my own life. It's truly the hardest role in society I reckon especially because ripple love to demonise us :(

[drfostersbra]

People not ripple I hate auto correct

[Surf1975]

Whilst this forum has been a great help to me I would go and get some free counselling. It will help you gather your thoughts. I've done it via Outlook SW. Secondly, communicate all this with your partner and consider moving out (not breaking up). If your mental health is suffering (mine has in the past) I've found time away from the triggers a great starting point to get your mental/emotional state in order.

[Marissa2727]

Thank you both 😊

@Surf1975 I didn’t know you could get free counselling, will look into that.