I have two stepsons (14 & 10) and its so hard for us to even get them to speak to us about what they did during the week, nevermind anything else
We've been told numerous times (by their mother) that they just find it hard to talk to us but are never given a reason why, not matter how many times we ask. We are just ourselves when they come round - their dad and myself are basically big kids, playing games and messing around so its not like they can't speak to us because we're strict or anything - I won't even have them do dishes are ours because its boring and we want them to have fun when their here not moan about chores.
Only time the 14yo speaks is when his brothers aren't around to interrupt or wind him up (which is basically never as my son is only 2 and his brother cannot go to bed with him so no late night chats can happen) we had one night when boxing was one but DP was constantly having to go upstairs to see the 10yo because he was upset that he was upstairs alone (that's a whole other issue!) so conversations were stop & start all night and he eventually got fed up of brother coming downstairs that he just went to bed himself.
We are constantly telling them they can invite mates round and saying if they want to go out and meet friends that's also fine with us but neither ever happens because their mum says they need to spend that time with just us, even thought we've said it's fine.
10yo won't speak as he has 'anxiety' about speaking to us - though he doesn't know why and I put that word in quotes as he hasn't actually been formally diagnosed with anything, it's just a word he's pick up from mum who thinks there's everything under the sun wrong with him and gets annoyed that we won't jump on the band wagon until she's taken him to the doctors and actually got him tested for things.
When he does speak to us, it is literally only to tell what he's 'anxious' about this week, and I always make a point to use the words 'worried' or 'concerned' when talking about the problems he having - taking each topic point by point and telling him why he should/shouldn't be worried - something that I know mum doesn't do, she will only tell him that he should be worried and make everything a bigger deal than it needs to be which in turn makes him worry more (I know this as I watched this scenario play out in front of me a number of times)
I think i just need an outside perspective - why do you think they aren't comfortable talking to us/being with us? I know this is already an essay so don't want to waffle on about everything but this has been going on for around 4/5 years now so not a teenage thing i don't think but could be wrong but after countless meetings with mum on her own and also all of us, we are still struggling - its like we have a chat about it, all say (including kids) we'll make more of an effort to have 1-1 chats etc but by the next time they see us they've forgotten the whole situation and refuse our efforts to try, going back to mum saying its still difficult and me having to basically defend their dad and myself against what the boys are saying we have (more rather haven't) done to mum who always has to text me about it - on that note I have actually stopped replying to her texts as I shouldn't have to defend myself or my actions to anyone, especially when I am - or DP is - being lied about. Thanks in advance. and sorry for essay!
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Step-parenting
How to make two SS feel comfortable with us?
16 replies
GiveMeStrengh · 14/11/2017 15:47
OP posts:
The1975 ·
14/11/2017 16:17
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