May sound trivial but...

[stella80]

I’ve been with my partner almost 4 years now and he has a daughter, 11, who he has every other weekend. We get along ok, she is a challenge at times, but I know she likes me. To be honest I feel a bit redundant as she never really interacts with me, even if I try.

My question is around this: so before me and my partner met he took his daughter to his parents every Friday night he had her, and they stayed the weekend there, as often he had to go to work on the Saturday. Until recently I didn’t realise this was every time. So now, fast forward to today, she’s 11, almost 12 and we have been living together (officially) over a year. We stay at our’s Friday night but then without fail we go to his parents for Saturday night. Today isn’t so bad as we are going over at teatime but there are times we have been there from midday onwards, and we literally don’t do anything until we leave at 5pm on the Sunday. When I say we don’t do anything I mean we sit, tv is on, sometimes people speak sometimes they don’t, and SD plays in her room or on the tablet. After tea she gets to pick a film which she watches with her granddad, me and my partner and his mum also sit there too, and read etc or try and watch it. Then the next day we all sit and watch tv... I’ve tried suggesting things to do so we don’t go over there so soon on the sat, I’ve even started doing over time to give them time alone sat morning! I cannot just ‘sit there’ all that time, it drives me up the wall. And much as I have a good relationship with my partner’s parents I’m in their house- I can’t just pick up my phone, get my laptop out, or just wander to the kitchen to pick something.... am I selfish to say that while I’m ok for them to go on the Saturday night sometimes I will just stay at home??

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

That’s very weird! Why does he go there? I assume so he doesn’t have to entertain his daughter himself. Pretty shitty for her. But why do you go? Didn’t you have a social life before you met him? Haven’t you got things you want to do in the weekend?

[stella80]

He’s just assumed I will, I do try to make plans but I think he gets offended by it and sees it as I’m trying to avoid SD or his family. She gets really upset if we try and suggest staying at ours instead, she just simply gets spoiled rotten by the grandparents 😏

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

Are you very meek? I can’t understand why youve never just said “i have plans on Saturday night, you two have a great time at gran’s” you’re entitled to your own social life! How boring to just go along with your boyfriends plans for the rest of your life. And his plans arent even interesting! He just wants to sit and have his daughter entertained by someone else. Urgh! Why would you go along with that?

[stella80]

Slightly harsh! It’s just sort of happened this way and now I’m wondering if I should just say when I don’t want to go around there. I can make plans, part of the issue is my SD is totally attached to her grandparents and my partner works until 8pm the other weekends, so if I want to see him at weekends it involves his family.

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

Are you new here? That’s far from harsh!

I’m wondering if I should just say when I don’t want to go around there.

You are wondering if you should say your feelings about something to the person you’ve chosen to share your life, home and bed with? You really don’t know if it’s ok to say when you don’t want to do something?

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

in Your shoes I certainly wouldn’t be putting my life on hold to sit in someone else’s parents house all weekend watching TV! Get on with your own life, you’ll soon see where you fall in his list of priorities.

[user1493413286]

I can understand how you got into that habit, we used to spend Friday nights at my parents in law with DSD then often be there until we went out somewhere on Saturday and now we live a bit further away we often spend the weekends there and at times I found it hard as I had very little to do compared with being at home.
I’d try explaining again to your OH about it and that you’d like to make the most of your weekend. If that fails then just make plans or say you’ll join them later/head off earlier on the Sunday.

[SandyY2K]

I would stop going if I was you. If he wants to get offended that's fine.... if she's spending all the time in her room there what's the point?

As a grown man he needs to have his DD in his own house.

I reckon he wants you there for company tbh....he needs to actually do things with his DD...or all she'll ever remember (when she grows up) is dad always being with his GF when it was her time with him.

Can't he organise things Her?