Help- am I being selfish?

(58 Posts)
Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 17:58:32

My step daughter won’t talk to me, she’s got select mutism but she’s spoke to me before and the last time she spoke was on Halloween, she’d rather just whisper in her dads ear. Sometimes I feel she’s playing on it, she lost her mum last year so I understand it might be hard for her but if she’s spoke before why won’t she speak again.

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eyebrowsonfleek Sat 04-Nov-17 19:12:47

How old is she?

NukaColaGirl Sat 04-Nov-17 19:15:06

confusedhmm Because she has selective mutism? Which usually follows a trauma. In this case the death of their mother.

Get. A. Grip.

GeillisTheWitch Sat 04-Nov-17 19:15:07

I think you need to be understanding, poor child lost her mum last year and now she has a step mum, that's a lot for a child to deal with.

ohreallyohreallyoh Sat 04-Nov-17 19:28:05

If that's your attitude towards her, do you really have to ask?

She needs care and understanding. Not assumptions.

Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:37:34

No, she’s 8, I’ve been In her life long enough, I’m not nasty towards her I’m more caring towards her than her own Mum was. I just don’t understand why she’ll whisper in her dads ear and then laugh about it. I never said I hate her because of it.

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Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:38:15

And she doesn’t have select mutism because of her mum. It’s because of something that happened at school.

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Quartz2208 Sat 04-Nov-17 19:39:23

When did the incident handled and how is she getting help

Liara Sat 04-Nov-17 19:40:22

What do you mean you've been in her life long enough? Long enough for what? By whose standards?

You are making this all about you and it isn't, it's about her and her trauma, which she is dealing with as best she can.

Halloween was only a few days ago!

Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:41:07

She’s having therapy and we help her as much as we can at home. She has a younger brother and she barely talks to him. And she’ll speak to cashiers at the super market at things.

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Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:41:48

I’ve been in her life since she was a year old is what I meant.

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Migraleve Sat 04-Nov-17 19:42:49


This isn't about you. Be there to support her. Don't act like a 5yo.

Quartz2208 Sat 04-Nov-17 19:43:50

Is she still at the school it must have been traumatic

Was your relationship ok before

Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:48:12

No we’ve moved her schools. And yeah she was absolutely fine. She lived with us and saw her mum on select days because her mum wasn’t the best in the world.

And I’m pretty sure I asked for advice not to be called a child. I’m not being childish, I asked for help to understand things better. Not be judged by keyboard warriors who get hyped over a slight bit of drama.

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lunar1 Sat 04-Nov-17 19:48:19

She lost her mum last year and has been through a separate incident that has caused selective mutism and required her to have therapy.

As well as selfish, you are being ridiculous, can you not see why she would cling to her dad?

Kr1st1na Sat 04-Nov-17 19:49:25

Some of you are being very harsh. The Op is there to support her and has been for years. It must be hard to see her speak to a stranger in a supermarket but not to her own little brother.

A bit of understanding for the Op wouldn’t go amiss.

MrsSthe3rd Sat 04-Nov-17 19:49:25

Sorry, but I think you are.

She has selective mutism. She’s unable to do anything other than whisper in her Dad’s ear at times.

Listen to any advice you’re given from professionals.

She really isn’t doing this to hurt or offend you.

Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:50:09

No she doesn’t cling to her dad, she only whispers to him when she wants something. I’m hardly being ridiculous, I think you’re being a bit silly😂 but each to there own

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MrsSthe3rd Sat 04-Nov-17 19:52:25

I also agree with a pp.

The op has asked a question. There’s ways to answer tactfully, without ripping the op to pieces.

eyebrowsonfleek Sat 04-Nov-17 19:52:54

Think you need to read threads where mums or dads are sad that their child fa puts their their parent. If you were dsd’s mum, you’d be encouraged to not take it personally and hang in there and dsd will hopefully come round in her own time. There’s no timescale for how long you need to wait.

Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:53:38

You try explain to a 3 and a half year old why his big sister who he looks up to and adores won’t speak to him. You try comforting him when he’s crying when he asks if she doesn’t love him that’s why she doesn’t speak to him. None of you (who are being unsupportive) understand how hard it is to come home and feel like your doing something wrong when you ask her what she wants for dinner and all she does is shrug.

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MrsDustyBusty Sat 04-Nov-17 19:56:48

So if you think that it's the child's fault and that you're not expecting too much, why are you asking whether you are selfish? Are you looking for support to be harder on her? You don't appear to have much sympathy or tolerance for her.

Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:58:09

If you knew me, or were in my home you’d completely understand. As you don’t I think calling me ridiculous is a bit much.

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Kayleighwooxox Sat 04-Nov-17 19:59:28

I never said it was her fault. I don’t blame her for anything, but it breaks my heart when my son thinks his own sister hates him. So my son should miss out because his sister doesn’t want to speak to him? She spoke to him before which is why he doesn’t understand.

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VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Sat 04-Nov-17 20:03:43

I'm not sure you have the faintest understanding of what selective mutism is, or how to help this child.

Do you tell her father this is what you think? It's fairly outrageous.

You should probably be talking to her doctors about this and how you can not only support her but how you can cope with it. That would include a family understanding on what you tell her brother.

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