Thank you guys(3 Posts)
Would like to express my thanks for your help a few months back regarding my adult SD at home and the issues we'd all been having.
We've made significant progress since this point, even if i wasn't entirely sure it would happen if i'm honest. There was quite a 'gap' between the talk with my OH regarding it all and his action-ing of the matter, although that HAD been agreed with him at the talk by me.
His actual talk with SD went remarkably well and positively in spite of the state OH got himself into in the lead upto it. It was almost like flicking a light switch too as SD literally acted upon the whole thing immediately and positively. This resulted in OH apologising to me for procrastinating for all this time as he feels he could have saved us all a bit of heartbreak along the way by tackling it all each time i asked him to (yes he could have, but he didn't and its done now).
Transpires SD was tired of waiting for her best mate to move out with her, tired of hanging around in limbo, tired of what she felt wasn't the same 'go get' attitude to work and life she had and had been bottling a lot of that up and was entirely frustrated by it all. SD said she very much wanted to be independent again (she got a 3rd promotion just before the talk happened actually) and she is surrounded at work by people getting on with things, yet locally her mates are just 'not the same'...
Anyway.... she has found a really great house-share locally to us and moves out today and is rather excited about it all. It's a fantastic property it has to be said and in the hub of everything she needs/wants. It's entirely affordable to her etc and i have to say i think it will be the 're' making of her!
OH said it was obvious where the conversation was going when he spoke to her, so he felt no need to tackle the major issues with the behavior in the house, the hygiene issues, money or anything like that as it just didn't end up going in that direction at all.
I think, had she been staying and still defensive over everything those things would almost certainly have been tackled as it's been horrendous. But i have to be honest that when i realised there was some actual momentum happening i was satisfied to let these things rest now and consign them to the back burner.
I'm a little stunned in all honesty and cant believe the turn around of events. I feel there has been a thawing between her and i this last couple of weeks, undoubtedly as the pressure cooker is released somewhat. So, I'm willing to start working on a new relationship going forwards as i know i really cant entirely get the old one back. This is fine to me, i'm comfortable with that idea.
Mostly, i feel utter immense relief today. I really think the younger ones are going to thrive more now in a happier house, a more relaxed house and hopefully with parents not in a two year long stand-off behind the scenes anymore.
I have learned a few things from this it has to be said. The main thing is that issues simply have to be tackled head on as they arise, properly and fully. This has been the most awful 2/3 years and it didn't need to be so. Communication is key and honesty is paramount.
We are not all superhuman, i've stopped trying to be now too. Its 'ok' to say there ARE issues and i'm alright to put myself ahead on occasion without feeling guilty.
Thanks all x
What a relief. Glad you were able to tackle this and that such positive changes are being made!
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