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sick of the ex refering to me as that bitch

(48 Posts)
Trafficjammadness Tue 24-Oct-17 15:14:13

not really sure why I am posting, just feeling really shit today.

My dhs ex, refuses to use my name, she refers to me as "that bitch" to dh (who has constantly asked her not to) and more upsettingly to the dsc. They are not allowed to bring home anything I buy them, she even refused to look at their holiday pictures of Disney world because I was in some of them.

She won't speak to me at all and will completely ignore me or give me filthy looks from across the room, this is now rare as I don't really like attending things that she will be at.

She refers to me as that bitch with his family, who never pull her up on it, apparently it's funny and she doesn't mean anything by it. I have a long a problematic history with his family , which has mostly centred on the fact they don't agree with him marrying me, or us having a child together, who is now 3. He should have apparently stayed in a relationship and not married me, as he did not marry his ex and therefore it is inappropriate to marry someone who (at that time he did not have a child with) He then should not have had a further dc with me as it is unfair on his older two, how love their little sibling and who we all have a good relationship with.

I don't know where to go from here, I don't want to argue but it is really pissing me off, its so rude and disrespectful, I have never done anything mean or spiteful to her. DH has always dealt with drop offs pick ups, I don't get involved.

We have a family event coming up that my sil has invited her too and I don't want to go but dh is upset as he says I am family and need to be there and I would be if ex wasn't.

Just to say that had been separated for 4.5 years before I met him, they split up due to it not working, there was no ow or anything. She is remarried now also.

Any advice, I know I should ignore but it's easier said than done

Oswin Tue 24-Oct-17 15:16:29

Fuck that. Do not go. You should never be expected to socialise with someone who talks about you like that. Your husband needs to stick up for you.

WitchesHatRim Tue 24-Oct-17 15:18:53

Your DH needs to stick up for you.

I wouldn't go and I'd also expect him to tell his family exactly why and that his ex behaviour is unacceptable and certainly not funny.

ABadIdea Tue 24-Oct-17 15:19:30

Why isn't your DH putting a stop to this? He should make it clear to his ex and his family it isn't acceptable and it's harmful to the children.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 24-Oct-17 15:20:45

Personally I would start reducing contact with her and his parents.

the whole thing sounds toxic.

youarenotkiddingme Tue 24-Oct-17 15:21:59

And she calls you 'that bitch' wink

Imo DH needs to tell his sister (I'm presuming?) that he doesn't condone the way his ex treats you and neither does he. And tell his family they should be providing a united front against this too.

He needs to tell his sister neither you, he or your child will be attending a party where a guest is giving the green light to be be so disrespectful to his wife.

The DSC obviously know her attitude stinks and they'll also get to an age where they won't tolerate this or want their mum their either.

Trafficjammadness Tue 24-Oct-17 15:23:43

tbf to dh he has has countless arguments with her about it but refuses to stop, he has had countless arguments with his sister as have I about it and they don't stop.

There is nothing more he can do, she refuses point blank to stop. I have zero contact with her now, which is obviously the easiest thing.

The difference with this family event is dh wants me to go to prove a point, that we are happy and together and he thinks by me not going and the ex going that, she thinks she has won and that calling me that is working, which I guess is correct. He also wants to introduce me to family that are coming over from the continent that I haven't met yet etc. He has asked his sis to uninvited her but she won't.

Lottie509 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:23:49

Wow, I second pulling yourself away from his family, He should support you fully and stand up to them.

Lottie509 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:26:40

Sorry crossed posts, But why does HE bother with them.
Personally I wouldnt attend any family events if my family were horrible to my dh.
Why doesnt he make a stand and not go?

ElspethFlashman Tue 24-Oct-17 15:27:52

The sister is just as bad. I'd avoid the whole nasty lot of them.

Don't go. Life's too short. There's no way it will be anything other than a horrible evening.

MinniesAndMickeysNeedCounting Tue 24-Oct-17 15:28:29

What a strange attitude his family have taken, why on earth would they feel he shouldn't marry you just because he wasn't married to the ex, very odd.

Was it your dh who decided it wasn't working in regard to the relationship with ex because she doesn't sound over the relationship with having such a nasty attitude towards you.

I wouldn't go to the event, id be expecting dh to speak to his family. Does your dh family treat the ex more like family than they do you?

PeacePerfectPeaceAtLast Tue 24-Oct-17 15:29:17

I know someone who does this too, it makes them look and sound so nasty and immature to everyone else. Others are probably laughing at her and not with her. I'd go and be very dignified, her words will say more about her than you. It's a case of giving her enough rope OP.

Trafficjammadness Tue 24-Oct-17 15:29:24

I suppose because his brother and sister (who is far worse behaved) are the only close family he has left, both his parents have passed away and he doesn't want to lose them too and I don't want him too.

The dsc and our dc love their cousins and so he will take them over there during the weekend to see them also.

MinniesAndMickeysNeedCounting Tue 24-Oct-17 15:32:18

Cross posts. If your dh has spoken to his family and they continue I'd be expecting my dh to be reducing contact.

He's spoken to ex and she doesn't stop there's not alot he can do but it different with his family.

Ex's partner must find this odd

QuiteLikely5 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:35:00

Referring to you as the bitch is down right rude but in your shoes I would be the bigger person. I know it sucks but why even bother resisting it when you will then help them achieve their aims?

Or what I call ‘feeding the dragon’ as that is all you do when bringing it up!

How about not mentioning it and you Will not be feeding said dragon

LongWavyHair Tue 24-Oct-17 15:35:18

I wouldn't go. Like a pp said, life is too short. I wouldn't let her anywhere near your dc either because if she is nasty to you then she's not exactly going to be nice to your dc.

Trafficjammadness Tue 24-Oct-17 15:35:54

Apparently it hadn't be working for a while, they has discussed going to counselling but never bother too, he said that he ended it but they both knew it was over. I obviously only have his version of what happened but I do know from his family that their relationship for the last couple of years was terrible.

They have not been together for over 10 years now, they are both remarried, so at some point even if she was pissed off over him ending it it would be time to let it go.

Yes, they love the ex, they all had their dc around the same time, so spent a lot of time together raising the kids together and going out together and have a good friendship. Frankly my sil never really took to me and never made any effort to bond with me, I tried a couple of times to inviter her out etc. and invited her to my hen do which she sat sour faced through and complained about me drinking alcohol.

Trafficjammadness Tue 24-Oct-17 15:38:08

I don't know what her husband thinks to be honest, dh has never met him, as ex doesn't want them to have contact confused

FreakinScaryCaaw Tue 24-Oct-17 15:38:12

I think he should avoid his siblings. Maybe pop to this event for an hour to say hello to other family?

mousemoose Tue 24-Oct-17 15:43:22

Just messaging to say, you poor thing that sounds awful! So stressful! Agree that it's highly ironic that she's calling YOU the bitch.

ElspethFlashman Tue 24-Oct-17 15:45:30

You husband has never met the guy who's living with his kids???!

40andFat Tue 24-Oct-17 15:51:01

Fuck it I’d stoop to her level and start calling her the cunt who couldn’t keep her husband. To her face...in front of his family even in front of her kids. Petty yes but it may shock them all into realising it’s really not ok for her to do this. If it doesn’t hold your head high and keep calling it her every time seriously 👌

Lottie509 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:53:33

40andfat best reply ever hahaha

FreakinScaryCaaw Tue 24-Oct-17 15:54:53

Maybe use cow instead of cunt though eh 40andfat? thlgrin

Trafficjammadness Tue 24-Oct-17 16:01:57

haha 40andfat, probably best not too.

Nope dh never meet him, she won't allow it, he is out when dh picks up the dsc, his siblings have all met him, and they went to the wedding so..

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