Troubled SC and...

[RockyBayEve]

an allegation.

Background:

SD who lives mostly with her mum is a troubled and is an unhappy young person.
She's 15.

She self harms, is under care of CAMHS has been sexually active from just 13 and is on antidepressants.

Her mother has always blamed DH for all the problems.in her life.
When SD was just 5 she piped up to DH "You're not with mummy anymore cause you were nasty to mummy"

I've been in her life since the age of 3. I met DH after they had been separated for around 18 months. She ended the relationship.

DH adores SD and has always been soft with her. When she was younger she was a real daddy's girl.



SD spent 3 weeks with us over the summer but she's not been to see us or her little sister for 8 weeks now. We're thought she was just wanted to hang out with her friends more. She's a teenager so no big deal...though her younger sister was quite upset not to see her big sis.



DH got a call last week..from social services.
SD was at a youth group when one of the organisers noticed brusing on her arm. They asked how that happened. She said "My dad did it"

DH work requires enhanced DBS checks and he also volunteers at a children's activity group twice a week.

Social services said they were not referring to police as SD had not seen DH for nearly 3 weeks when the bruising was found.

They were however going to investigate the welfare of our daughter???
They arranged for her to be interviewed at her school.

Our daughter is doing great. School totally supportive. But this has left me totally stressed out.

How to move on from this?
DH is in bits.
Our daughter is confused and upset.

[WhiteCat1704]

God I'm sorry. It's awful for you. Careful as if she has done it once she might do it again on a bigger scale. I have heard of a SD making up sexual abuse allegations against her father, him and his wife almost lost their child as a result. His wife was pressured to leave him by SS. Eventually the truth came out but by that point the family was through so much they moved abroad. SD was contacting her DF and apologizing saying her DM told her to do it..they want nothing to do with her.

That won't be a popular view here but I would not allow any unsupervised contact of SD and your DH. If she doesn't tell the truth I wouldn't have her in your house. Abuse allegations are serious shit especially if you have another child at home.

[RockyBayEve]

Thanks whitecat. I really appreciate your reply.

You have basically said what I've been thinking.
Another allegation from her could rip my family apart. It's a massive risk.

[kimlo]

what are ss doing about the bruising? She is obviously unhappy, and the bruising came from somewhere, and it couldn't have beem your dh.

[imokit]

As kimlo said - I'd be very worried about your SD. Someone hurt her, and blaming your DH, who at 15 she'd know would be proven innocent, sounds to me like a way of alerting him to the issue.
Why hasn't she seen him ? has she had a chance to speak to him in private since the summer (ie having a chance to say what's really going on) and say why she's not visiting? is there a new boyfriend for either her or her mother?
How did she get those bruises.
If I were DH I'd be very worried about her, and be hesitant to start getting mad about false allegations until I got to the bottom of what happened and why. I'd be worried that accusing him was a (poorly handled but desperate) way of alerting him to a serious issue which she needs him to help her out of.

[RockyBayEve]

I am very worried about her but it's taken out of our hands.
SS have not told us what investigations regarding SDs welfare instead they are investigating our daughters welfare.

I'm currently abroad with DD. DH couldn't come as he had already used up alot of leave having SD during school holidays.
I'm watching DD having fun with a group of kids including a couple of SDS age.
They all seem so carefree just being kids.

[RockyBayEve]

Imokit
SD has spoken to DH numerous times since the summer.
She made excuse after excuse not come like too much homework, going to a band with a friend, an aunt visiting etc
She expressed no concerns in that time.
The last call she made was a week before SS called.
In that call she sounded fine very chatty in fact.
Since then we have heard nothing from her or her mother.

[kimlo]

but has your dh rang her?

[RockyBayEve]

Just been tidying the girls room.

I found a full bottle of spirits in SD's wardrobe.
On further investigation she stole it from her grand parents house during a summer holiday visit.
Great.