Ok MN’rs I need to vent over something quite small. Feel free to tell me if I am over reacting (gently please! )
I have 3 adult (20’s) step children who have been my step children for 17 years, since they were little. We have had a good relationship over the years, normal weekend and 1/2 hols stuff when they were kids, they all at one point or another can to live with us in their teens for a while and it’s been (generally!) fine. I have gone on to have 3 children aged between 5 & 12 and their mum also has 2 other children who are 4 & 6.
Their mum spilt with her new children’s father about 2 years ago and this is when it’s all started to go wrong. None of us are wealthy but their mother has really spiralled and puts a lot of emotional pressure on the grown up children to help her. My husband and I understand this and in fact I’ve had the 2 female DSC crying at my house about it.
What’s gone wrong is comments are creeping in about my children being spoilt (this is so far from the truth, 1 of my children is autistic for a start), my husband is getting loads of ‘you prefer your new family’ stuff that he’s never ever had before. They have all but stopped visiting us and my daughter particularly is devastated as she loves her big sisters, they don’t answer her iMessages anymore for example. They have all quoted identikit reasons (meaning they’ve long discussed this together) that we should be helping their mother more and it shouldn’t be falling to them and basically being nasty.
I was trying to arrange the normal birthday visit they make for their father in November and they’ve all told me their not coming as they are working/busy/with their mother. I touched on Christmas and basically got told that they also wouldn’t be here at any point over Christmas and that they needed to spend their time with their proper family. I pointed out to one of them that they have 1/2 brothers and sisters here that love them too and got told that as my children will get presents anyway they are not going to be wasting their money buying them gifts either.
I promise I’ve tried to resolve these simmering tensions so many times, my husband is at his wits end and we are now arguing about it.
But to say my children, their 1/2 siblings who they’ve always had a great relationship with are not worth their time I don’t think I can get over this time.....
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Step-parenting
AIBU to be furious after 17 years
24 replies
Mumofmany4and6 · 10/10/2017 18:44
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