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Step sons moving in

(11 Posts)
mumof1000s Mon 09-Oct-17 20:44:03

My two step sons are moving in as their mum is unwell. They are 11 and 12. My children spend a week with me the a week with their dad.

They will have to move schools and towns.

I guess what I'm asking is any advice as to how to make this easier for them?

The1975 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:22:56

Well you obviously care a great deal about them & that’s going to mean a lot to them.

Can they bring their stuff over and have their own room/space? Will they be able to see their Mum regularly? Can you help them to keep in touch with friends from their old school?

Perhaps speak to the new school (will all the DCs be going to the same school?) as they may have counselling services if that might be helpful.

What an incredibly tough situation to be in. I’d say trust your instincts - it sounds like your heart is in the right place to do the right things.

Voice0fReason Mon 09-Oct-17 21:33:42

Accept that this is going to be hard for them and they may not always behave in the best way. Be there and listen to them. Take seriously any concerns they have.
Have some basic house rules that apply to everyone that encourage respectful behaviour all round.
Let them talk openly about their mum and make sure they have opportunity to contact her.

mumof1000s Mon 09-Oct-17 21:45:40

Yes they will Jane a room each, we are moving out of our room which will be split in two. We are going into the sitting room till the garage gets converted

We are trying to get them all into the same school, fingers crossed.

Their dad is going to say he will pick up their friends etc so they can see them.

We will make sure they see and speak to their mum as much as possible

Wdigin2this Tue 10-Oct-17 21:47:09

Well, you really can't do more than that!
However, a word of caution, this is not going to be an easy ride for anyone. Be prepared for, squabbles amongst the kids, occasional temper outbursts, unreasonable attitude towards you...these DC are going through a tough time, but you'll need time out for ypurself occasionally, or you won't be able to cope!

EndofSummer Wed 11-Oct-17 18:09:59

I’d echo wdigin. For this to work successfully you need to make sure that you are all happy, if you ever too much to the boys then you will set up jealousies. Also, if you don’t make sure that you are able for it, with your DH backing you, and having breaks too on your own.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 11-Oct-17 18:14:55

If their mum is ill investigate what support is available, I know Barnardo's has a family support group for children with ill parents, for example. Support is a good idea anyway, but support that gives them a vent away from the family group will probably be very useful indeed.

And there's nothing in your post to suggest he won't but obviously DH has to really step up here too.

mumof1000s Wed 11-Oct-17 18:31:17

When I said ill I was being deliberately vague. I don't really want to go into detail as it's not my place to.

We are going to get them counciling for something that happened to them in the past so that will hopefully help with this too.

Yes he will be stepping up, he is very excited to have them, but is of course worried how the transition will be

WhichNewWoof Wed 11-Oct-17 19:10:58

Oh boy. Get a good routine going that they can count on. Lots and lots of structure make kids feel safe and these two aren't going to be feeling safe. Same thing every weekday. Do lots of talking about the routine and what to expect tomorrow etc. Keep them as busy as you can. Sort out your house rules from day 1 and stick to them. Make them few but make them stick or you'll be in misery. Make sure you have a very frank talk with DH about expectations around behaviour and childcare duties. Do not fall into the trap of doing everything for everyone and assume that when it gets better it will change. Start as you mean to go on. Let them own their space. Let them decorate it, rearrange it etc. But insist it gets tidied every saturday or however you want to run it. Be as kind as you can with a heavy dose of gentle but be firm. I'd go in for special 1:1 time with each boy so they get time to bond and feel heard. Good luck!

Wdigin2this Wed 11-Oct-17 23:18:35

NewWolf I'd say that's spot on!

mumof1000s Sun 15-Oct-17 06:42:14

Do we told them, didn't go as badly as we thought.

Though we were told later the younger child was crying in bed with his mum. Breaks my heart that this is hurting them

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