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Upset DSD

(3 Posts)
suitsfangirl Sun 08-Oct-17 20:58:03

I’m after a bit of advice on how to deal with a situation with my DSD.
Her mum became a single parent about a year ago following the breakdown of her marriage to DSD’s stepdad, with their baby being only a few weeks old. Difficult situation but long story short it made relationship between us and her better as he was very manipulative.
Around 6 months ago she met a new chap, seems nice enough and is a dad himself so understands the whole parental situation. The only “problem” is that they break up and get back together every couple of weeks and that he lives a fair way away. DSD is getting increasingly upset that her mum is upset when the break ups happen but also is getting more than a little upset when they get back together as there has been talk of moving in with him at some point and she has expressed she doesn’t want to leave her friends and be so far away from her dad, me and her brother. We’ve been as reassuring as we can that when they break up we’re sure they’ll make friends again soon and to give mummy big hugs etc and then also reassuring when they do make friends and she is upset about a possible move that we will make sure nothing changes and we will see her just as much as we do now but she doesn’t seem to feel reassured really.
We don’t really know what else we can say or do, my DH isn’t really keen on having a conversation with DSD’s mum as she can be a bit temperamental and doesn’t want to upset the apple cart but I can’t see another option really. I don’t think she is aware how upset DSD has been getting (to the point she says she doesn’t want to go home most weekends, I think this is because she is feeling worried about moving and missing her little brother) and I think if she knew then she would be able to reassure her too. I’m very aware that her new relationship is none of our business and don’t want to get involved with that but just worried about DSD and don’t really know what to do.
Any advice would be be greatly appreciated.

SenoritaViva Sun 08-Oct-17 22:17:04

Can you persuade DSD to talk to her mum? Help her role play what she might say to get her point across (without putting words in her mouth).

swingofthings Mon 09-Oct-17 06:01:05

I've been there as a kid, worse, we moved 5 times between the age of 8 and 14, three of these times because my mum got together with my SD then broke up, then got back together. We moved one side of the country to the other and back again, until I refused to go again and went to a boarding school as moving with my dad wasn't an option either.

It's hard, very hard as a teenager, but however much my mum loved me, she was blended by her emotional issues and nothing I, or my dad, could have told her would have made her changed her mind. Even if we had, she would probably have resented me for it.

I think you need to start to consider options if her mum does move. Would moving in with you be an option?

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