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Joint accounts with a child

(26 Posts)
purplepigs Wed 06-Sep-17 12:57:50

I was wondering how everyone sorts there income out at home.
As a couple do you put all your money into one account and everything is paid for 50/50

Or

Do people pay half for the house costs and then keep what's left in their own account

?????

OP’s posts: |
Identity1 Wed 06-Sep-17 20:57:43

All money goes into one account= grand total less ALL essential expenditure, bills etc and then what's left Is ours. My DH earns way more than me but what's left we share.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Wed 06-Sep-17 21:00:06

Before we had children (even now to a degree) we had completely separate finances. DP has two children but it was his choice to separate finances and I was happy either way. Of course I bought stuff for them and paid for things before but now we have children I don't (that's more to do with me not seeing them anymore).

I think that scenario is a little simplistic. If you are a couple, it should be relative e.g. If you earn 70% of the income, you should pay 70% of the bills. You would still have more disposable income than the other person all things being equal.

purplepigs Thu 07-Sep-17 12:51:53

Okay our income is 60/40
So are you saying I should pay 40%of the bills?
But surely the mortgage should be 50/50?
I have a child from a previous relationship m, that child base no contact with his father and his father does not pay any maintenance for the child.
So how do you factor in that?
Or would suggest that the money in put in one big pot as we are a family now!?

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KarmaNoMore Thu 07-Sep-17 12:55:50

With regards to the mortgage, the big question is, are you married? If not, 50/50 may keep things tidy in case you split in the future. If you are married, it doesn't matter.

KarmaNoMore Thu 07-Sep-17 12:59:31

And also, if you are not married and your name is not in the mortgage, you need to talk to your other half about how to ensure you and the children are protected in case something happens to him or you split (if you are not in the mortgage and you are not married, the house doesn't belong to you at all regardless of how much you have paid towards it)

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats Thu 07-Sep-17 13:00:42

Married for 25 years. We have always operated in the same way. All monies earned go into one joint account and all bills and personal spending come out of that account. Joint credit cards work in the same way. We have massively different earnings but both of us view all the money as household income.
I do realise that other couples operate differently but personally I don't think I could operate in any other way, it would just be too complicated.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats Thu 07-Sep-17 13:03:34

Sorry - just realised tbis was under step-parenting which might put a different slant on finances. But were I in that position I still suspect I'd choose to operate in the same way as I do now.

KarmaNoMore Thu 07-Sep-17 13:32:15

Me too! I think in such cases it depends very much on the age of the kids and their specific needs, if there are more kids involved, if the other kids are still dependent, if you are of similar age, if either of you has a greater need to protect a child after death, and the list goes on...

purplepigs Thu 07-Sep-17 13:57:32

We are not yet married. But there are plans to marry. So maybe keeping the mortgage 50/50 at the moment is best. I don't plan on splitting up but I suppose you never know.

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purplepigs Thu 07-Sep-17 13:58:21

Although we are not married my name is on the mortgage. We put down a large deposit and we put down 50/50.

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MirandaWest Thu 07-Sep-17 14:01:10

DH and I both have our own DC (none together). We put everything into the same account including maintenance my DC get from their dad and everything comes out. Both he and I get the same amount of our own money to spend. He earns a bit more than me but it is roughly the same.

purplepigs Thu 07-Sep-17 14:01:31

The child is 12.

I am just finding that the household monies for gas mortgage electric blah blah blah go into a joint account by transfer from our own personal accounts when we get paid. But then for the rest of the month we go 50/50 which is awkward when I might go shopping and they are not with me or vice Versa and one of us is forever saying oh I own you half - doesn't feel right at all.

We are about to book a family holiday and I am getting the impression I am expected to pay for me and my son and then my partner pays for themselves but surely that is treating and behaving like I am a single parent. Doesn't make me feel part of a family at all. Makes me feel pretty bad.

OP’s posts: |
Handsfull13 Thu 07-Sep-17 14:16:09

We decided on a set amount we both put into our joint account every month. This covers rent, food shops, bills and our holidays. We went 50/50 on everything in that account and then keep whatever we have left over for personal use. Before we had our kids this year I still went half on most things to do with my DSS and we would even treat him from our personal money as well. We have him every other week for the whole week.
I think you need to sit down and have a chat about what he expects to be putting in as you are a family of three now. I always saw it as I got an opinion in how dss was raised in our home (although my dp can over rule me) and was treated with the respect of being a co parent then it was my responsibility to pay my share as well

Identity1 Thu 07-Sep-17 14:25:12

Me and my DH have two DC and he has two DC, when we went away we paid for it together out our pot. We just said we need to pay x amount per month for holiday. But we do everything out of one account and don't separate finances. Can you not add the cost of the holiday into the amount you pay into joint account and split it. I'd say 50/50 but whatever you think is best for you. Also how will that work for spending money etc.... Are you expected to save more for you and your son whereas DP only has himself to think of.

purplepigs Thu 07-Sep-17 14:32:21

I would like it to be that we put a certain amount each into the joint account to cover mortgage, bills, food, cars and holidays.
I earn less that my partner and by me paying for both my son and I to go on holiday it kind of leaves me broke - I think if I was a single parent I would understand but if I was a single parent I wouldn't be in this house, a house we brought together and pay for equally.
A family holiday is what is says on the tin.

I am now beginning to question things in my head a little. If it was me. I was fell in love with someone with a child I take on that person and the child and I would expect living expenses would be 50/50. Because that's the way I believe it should be.

I do understand that they earn a little more than me.

But at the same time if you think long term - inheritance for example. If we decided to have an extension would it be acceptable for me to say okay well there's £20,000 for my half where's your £20,000 for the kitchen extension and bi gold doors - no, I don't think it would.

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TieGrr Thu 07-Sep-17 14:39:53

DP and I are in the process of buying together. I have a child and while, at the moment, I pay any of her expenses (other than groceries), we're going to review that soon. In his words, things like school uniform etc is a household expense and 'she's part of the household'.

What we're looking to do when we start paying a mortgage is work out roughly what our monthly expenses are and then each pay a proportion relative to our net income into a joint account. I imagine there'll be a bit of negotiation first over what exactly counts as a monthly expense. But if all three of us were going on holiday, that would definitely count as a household expense and would come from the joint account.

purplepigs Thu 07-Sep-17 14:52:47

So how do you think I should approach this then?
I don't want it to come across as I am money grabbing.

OP’s posts: |
AndNoneForGretchenWieners Thu 07-Sep-17 15:02:59

We have always gone for the one communal pot, all funds pooled (including maintenance when DH was receiving it) and then all bills coming out direct debit. He earned more than me when we first got together (not much more) then we equalled out, now I earn about 30% more than him. It's just us and DS at home now DSS have both flown the nest, and this set up has always worked for us. We put the same amount aside each month into an ISA, even though I earn more, and he will be putting his post office pension into a new savings account when it comes through in October. He's not retired yet, just not working at Royal Mail any more, so we will save it for when he does retire in 5 years time. I also save the earnings from my second job, and we use it for holidays or nights out.

Handsfull13 Thu 07-Sep-17 15:20:25

Unfortunately I think you are going to have to be blunt and just ask him sit down and discuss finances with you. Let him explain what he expects to pay for. You may be surprised and find he was always expecting half on everything. But I recommend what I always do which is plan for the worst. What could he say that you couldn't agree to and how you would respond so that you do let yourself get all worked up and agree to things that just won't work for you.

pinkbraces Thu 07-Sep-17 15:23:55

My DH and I both have DC from previous marriage, no joint child. He has 2, I have 1. We have always had joint money. Everything in, bills and essentials out we then split what is left. Works for us.

OutToGetYou Thu 07-Sep-17 16:03:43

I was in the situation where he had a child and I had none.

We owned our house in 50/50 shares, tenants in common.

In theory his ds lived with his mother but actually he was with us nearly all the time. Ex paid her £500pm maintenance.

Ex and I both put half the household costs into a joint account each month - this included a budget for food/going out, some savings towards holidays and some longer term savings.

Ex put in about £100pm more than me due to the ds. (in reality, this was nothing like enough, but it never bothered me).

Ex bought ds clothes himself and if the two of them went out he paid with his own money. He actually had less disposable income than me but that was because he paid the mortgage (I had paid for my share of the house in cash) and he paid the maintenance. Originally I earned more too, but he changed jobs and after a while he earned more, plus I choose to put quite a bit in my pension, he doesn't.

Holidays we mainly paid from the joint account but ex would contribute a bit more by maybe paying for the fuel if we drove over to France ( he had a company fuel card anyway so this was a lot less costly than most fuel costs)

So, I would say - work out how much it costs you to live and put half each in an account and the use that account to pay for what you have budgeted for - review it a few times a year. I really couldn't be arsed with asking for money for shopping etc. It did happen now and then, if say I bought his family birthday presents (not in the joint budget) or a lot of stuff for his son.

I didn't mind supporting his son to some extent, afterall I knew he had a son. I did mind that his son lived with us nearly all the time and ex had less money to do nice things with (for me!) as he was paying his ex child maints for nothing, but I kept out of it as it wasn't my business really (thought it pissed me off when she told him we should buy new sofas!). I wanted us to feel like a family, so the money was designed to do that and not have to keep reckoning everything.

Sadly it was other stuff that stopped it working.

Bibidy Fri 08-Sep-17 10:46:24

Hi Purple,

I think you really need to speak to your OH about this as it's obviously playing on your mind a lot, going by this and your previous post about the family holiday. It's clear that you think the financial situation is unfair and your DP should be paying more, but he may never even have considered that you might be unhappy with the way things are. The best thing is to just be honest with him about how you feel.

It's very common nowadays for people to just pay into a joint account to cover the household expenses rather than combining all income in one account. It does seem silly to be owing each other half for things all the time, why not suggest increasing the amount you both put into the joint account so that it would cover shopping etc?

As for the holiday situation, I do think it's unfair to expect him to pay half. My DP has 2 children and while I'd be more than happy to split all household costs equally with him there's no way I could afford to pay half of a holiday abroad for the four of us, and to be honest I'd be quite upset and annoyed if he was looking at holidays he couldn't afford without me paying for more than my share. If he thought he was going to struggle to afford what we were looking at, then we'd have to change our plans to something more affordable for both of us.

It might help to try and look at it from the other side of the coin? He probably is paying extra in small ways you might not even have thought of, for instance your mortgage is probably higher because you needed a bigger property with an extra room, your shopping bill is higher because of the extra person in the household, your fuel costs may be higher etc etc. They are small things but they do add up, and if your DP is paying 50/50 on all that then to me he's already doing his bit.

Also in your last post, you mentioned that your OH also pays for the board for the pets while you're away, which is £300+...perhaps he does that in recognition of the fact your paying for your son?

I did want to ask you though, is it really the finances that are the issue or is it that you feel you're not a family unit due to the divisions? I only ask because it seems like the underlying issue might be that you feel hurt that your DP isn't treating your son as his own (by making you pay separately for him), and if that's the case then that's the thing you should focus on when you speak to him as he may understand your position more that way. I know I'd be more receptive if my OH spoke to me in that way than if I thought he was asking me to pay more so that he could pay less himself, or have more left over for something else (savings).

Whatever the case, I think you should definitely talk to him about it, you never know, he might even be up for paying half smile

Bibidy Fri 08-Sep-17 11:08:36

Ps. Just realised your haven't mentioned your DP's gender so sorry if she's female and I've referred to 'he'.

purplepigs Sat 09-Sep-17 11:57:33

Hi thank you for your post.
I don't expect them to pay for my child's holiday but I was saying as it is a family holiday and we have family holiday spending money should the holiday be paid for 50/50.

In terms of house
My partners already had a four bedroom house when we met and we then went on to buy a 4 bedroom house together so I don't think the extra bedroom and space needs to be accounted for.

The shopping yes I agree they paid half and don't make me pay anymore.

In regards to the £300 for the dogs, when we returned for holiday they told me that paying £300 for the dogs would have been a stretch so me being me offered £100 towards it which they took so I end up coughing up anyway - that's just the way I am.

I don't expect us to pay all our wages into the joint account straight away because I don't believe that would be fair. But I don't think it needs to be sorted cos it is playing on my mind a lot.

Their attitude seems to be a little different at the moment and it's bugging me.

OP’s posts: |

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