Any introverted step parents living in an extrovert family?

[Pinkdragon1]

It would be great to hear ideas and suggestions from people who are introverted but living in an extroverted (step)family. Do you have tips and techniques to help you thrive? And how do you get down-time without being seen as rejecting - especially of the DSCs?
I'm asking the question on this board as it's the step-family dynamic that I find makes this hard - my need for 'down time' is taken by DH as a dig at the DSCs rather than the need by someone to have the space they need to function well. My own DC likes their own time and space so its not an issue with them.
Two years ago I had depression and, in hindsight, some form of breakdown. I think a large trigger for that was that everything over the previous years just got too much; demanding job, endless changes of the DSCs living arrangements decided by their Mum (and as a consequence me being needed by them massively when she was out of the picture then having to step back when she reappeared), keeping a large and busy household running etc.
I was a single parent for a long time before I married DH, worked full-time, lived away from my family, did it all without support. I regarded myself as someone who coped with everything, who got stuff done - I'm a shadow of that now. Since my depression I feel like everything has been drained out of me so that there is absolutely nothing left to give to anyone. I feel like something has fundamentally changed in me and my ability to cope with normal everyday life has just evaporated so I feel permanently mentally exhausted. I never seem to be able to build up any kind of reserve of mental energy to enable me to function well. I know I am withdrawing from everyone as a way of coping - and this is seen as very rejecting rather than as the only way I feel I can keep going.
I'm looking for ideas about how other people function in this situation please. How do you get the down time you need, how do you communicate it to others? How do you build up reserves of mental energy to be able to look after a family? Thanks

[HipsterAssassin]

OP I'm exhausted just reading your post..... how old are all the dc?
Sounds to me like your relationship with your OH is your problem. If he can't accept a fundamental, un-changeable character trait like this, then something is very wrong. Can you not simply state 'I need some time alone' and just go?

He is not the boss of you!

[SweetEnough]

To the rest of the world I'm an extrovert, but I'm really not. I love my me time and am content to be by myself a lot of the time.

I take long baths, ridiculously long baths with a book and all the kids are in bed by 8.

If I'm having a bad day or it gets to much I sit in the bedroom with a cup of tea and relax, when the dsc ask I say I need a rest and that's that.

My oh is understanding though, and arranges things he can do without me, I can join in if I want or not, either way he really doesn't mind.

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

You sound like you are are exhausted. There doesn't sound like a great understanding from the kids or your DH. I had this too, had recurrent illness fora while and still was treated by the step kids as 'being in a mood' because I had to go to bed in the evening sometimes.

I think once you are not treated kindly this kind of thing can build up - and you and your DH set the tone for the kids on this.

It's tricky as more time away can widen the divide. I'd really urge something like counselling for you and DH. He's not going to see it otherwise. It's the ongoing pressure that you are just invincible and can be given additional emotional pressure like 'you are rejecting us' - that's not working together as a step family - that's punishing you.

It's strange I found this myself and looking back I do think it's a lot to do with unvoiced 'rejection' by their own mother. OP your step kids have effectively been continually rejected by their mother and had to step in. Yet my step kids never ever got cross or anything with their mother over similar - yet the minute I even don't bend over backwards for them I get a lot of 'you are rejecting us'. It's really extreme. Could that be the case for you too?