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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Arrrgghhhh! !

17 replies

ashmo78 · 24/07/2017 19:04

I love my husband with all my heart and he has taken on my 3 boys, not always without issue but all in all we hv a happy home. But I can't bear my stepson! I feel so bad but his whiny baby voice grate and he doesn't interact with me whatever I do. Hb and all his family say he's quiet with them too but I struggle. ... he's same age as my son. Am I being biased?

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Janeismymiddlename · 24/07/2017 19:13

Biased? In what way?

It is unreasonable to acknowledge that your own children have been 'taken on' by your husband but you can't seem to bring yourself to do the same.

He is allowed to be quiet. He is allowed not to like you if it comes to that. He doesn't have to interact with you (assuming he is generally polite?) Perhaps he is overwhelmed by how different your houshold is to his? There is a big difference between being an only child and being one of 4.

Does he get plenty of time with his dad? Time where he is dad's sole attention?

DeadDoorpost · 24/07/2017 19:17

My step mum had difficulty with my brothers as shed never had a boy before but over time the relationships got better. Exactly the same for my dad with my step sisters (their voices annoy me too tbh). I'd say just let it sort itself out but speak to your DH about the son not listening/responding. I know for me and my siblings we didnt really want a step mum and it took us a while to get used to it but I love her now.

ashmo78 · 24/07/2017 19:20

Stepson is actually a younger sibling at his mum house and in closeNess to all his cousins, and is FAR more streetwise than my chd. Due to distance only here one wkd a for night but weeks during school hols. My worry is he seemed to be comfortable last visit and this time worse than ever. I realise my parenting is VERY different to his mum. But I treat him same as my boys. Just can't stand he's went bk to the baby talk while here.

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ashmo78 · 24/07/2017 19:22

Thank you.... hv talked to hubby and his family and they all just say he's quiet. But I've known him 2 years and it's like we hv reverted back to day 1.

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Janeismymiddlename · 24/07/2017 19:33

The baby voice would suggest he's looking for attention? Common behaviour in young children when a new sibling arrives.

Is he getting 1 to 1 with dad?

It might just take time...are your children more boisterous, perhaps? Does he need to come more often?

justtiredofcoping · 24/07/2017 20:36

How old is he?

He knows weekend routine only in your house - then he comes for a week, where your boys have routine, friends activities to do and is Dad at work for some of this? He is on the back foot,obviously in the wrong and has probably seen you roll your eyes when he speaks!

He is insecure, left out, missing his Dad, who has moved away and none of that is hardly surprising.

Your DP needs to front up and help his son - fit into his new pretty perfect family.

ashmo78 · 24/07/2017 22:27

Good feedback from everyone but.... I've has this child for a week by myself previously and we hv got on great.... baby voice always an issue and his dad has issue with this too. I love the boy and this only seems to hv presented since we got married... although he was do happy we were and attend our wedding. ... im lost

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AlternativeTentacle · 24/07/2017 22:31

im lost

You've already been told, baby voice is to do with attention seeking.

'Common behaviour in young children when a new sibling arrives.'

Equally common when their parent gets a new partner. It is since you got married. Ding dong - it is because his dad has a new wife...and he feels unsettled about it.

ashmo78 · 24/07/2017 22:36

Your missing the point..... I've been in his life for 2 years and it's been fine...... im thinking it's more his mum has a new boyfriend that's just been introduced. And his "NEW "sibling is same age as him. We hv no children together.

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AlternativeTentacle · 24/07/2017 23:05

you are thinking wrong. you just married his dad.

OutToGetYou · 24/07/2017 23:12

Well, it could be any or all of those things but he's obviously feeling insecure somewhere and needs more attention and reassurance.

justtiredofcoping · 24/07/2017 23:27

you just married his Dad and his Mum has a new partner and a new step sib is in the mix.

The kid is insecure - does not fit in your world because he is rarely there and now slightly pushed out in his other world. He is nowhere but everywhere, tolerated in your house and his bed rock of home with mum has just changed aswell. Yippee- 2 parents who have done what is right for them but not for a single lonely DC stuck in the middle.

He wants reassurance - bet he knows baby voice annoys you - he is pulling your strings and your DP needs to help him.

ashmo78 · 25/07/2017 06:11

I probably didn't do enough this visit it's true bit he's definitely not pushed put here... made my sons room, both boys.. matching furniture all his own stuff etc. Just struggled with the change in the wee one this time. Will try harder next time. Thanks x

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swingofthings · 25/07/2017 06:45

So he's suddenly getting on your nerves and? My kids have got on my nerves at times to. Have you own children never done so? If that's the case, you're more the exception than the majority.

The fact that he is suddenly getting on your nerves doesn't mean there is something wrong with him. Maybe he's tired having just finished the school year, maybe he's going through a phase, maybe he is struggling to adjust this time with your children.

Who knows, but so what? You just get on with it, continue to treat him fairly, discipline him like his dad does, but not expressing your feelings of frustration and hopefully it will get better next time.

AcademicOwl · 25/07/2017 06:54

TBH, if you're England/Wales and reaching school holidays time, all the children are knackered. The baby voice might be irritating to you, but it's probably his way of getting your attention (and that's working; but not in a positive way!)

Give him a bit of special attention. I was a step child and it was the small windows of quiet time with my step dad (like getting to school) that I loved (& still do!). You've got a chance to have a really important & unique relationship, as a caring adult, but not an actual parent. Try to have fun together & be kind to yourselves.

SilverBirchTree · 25/07/2017 06:59

How old is he?

debbs77 · 25/07/2017 07:39

Poor kid!!!! Give him a break!

So his dad remarried, mum has a boyfriend. 3 step brothers. He needs fun, love and attention. Especially from his dad.

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