Not sure what has brought me to post this except i dont feel i can talk to or ask advice from anyone in my life.
Its rather long so apologies in advance for that. Maybe just writing it out will help me.
Im in a relationship of two years we were planning on moving in together soon, we generally get on great, have similar interests, same wacky sence of humour and i thought we were very much in love.. We both have one child each of the same age from previous relationships. During my single time i guess i babied my 9yr old ds letting him sleep beside me and not making him do chores and now i have made a rod for my own back as on the nights i have him and want to spend time with my partner i have to lie with ds until he falls asleep which can take hours at times. This all came to a head recently as my partner has told me he is unhappy about this. I understand im also unhappy but cant seem to fix it. Not only is he unhappy about that he also criticised other aspects of my parenting more or less said my ds was ungrateful and that he dosent listen or do as he is told. I have always treated ds as i would any other human whether adult or child with the right to free speech and allowed him to question if he is asked to do something eg help me bring in the shopping he may ask why? and i would explain that there was lots to carry and i need his help to get it done. So now if he says why when partner asks him to do something its thought of as cheek. Partner says im not supporting him as he has came to me with these problems and i am being defensive instead of working to sort them. Partner also thinks a lot of worldly goods and gets upset about spills etc. I dont share this view they are just belongings, people are more important to me. I dont critisise his parenting i would never do that although there are times i have thought i wouldnt do that. I guess we have different parenting styles and values. He has suggested to me i take away privileges like tv if he wont go to sleep at night within a reasonable time. I gave in to this and now we are having a day of no childrens programmes which ds was initially upset about but then accepted without to much fuss. Maybe he is right and i am messing everything up but looking to the future now i am suddenly feeling worried about staying together being on edge incase ds is cheeky or spills something especially as we are planning on halfing in for new carpets throughout. Even something as simple as asking for a juice without a please or thank you is now becoming a moaning match. Sometimes he just forgets i know he should always be saying it but now im sitting with my heart in my mouth thinking say please, say please. Its quite stressful. I dont want ds to be a little soldier having to conform and jump to attention although i am well aware i have things to work on but i have created these problems its not ds fault. I was really looking forward to moving in together we have lots of plans for the future, home improvements, saving for holidays etc maybe marriage but suddenly im thinking is this really a good idea or will i be living on edge all the time.
I guess i was nieve to think such a huge step could be without adjustment or some stressors.
If anyone has been through anything similar or even if they have not and have some advice i would be glad to receive it.
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19 replies
woolystockings · 23/07/2017 12:05
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