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What to do with Christmas/birthday cards?

(11 Posts)
Aeriefairy Sun 02-Jul-17 18:54:59

Hi all,
what do other step-parents do with signing cards for their stepchildren? I'm very close to my stepson and we love each other, and so far I've always given my own card... and dp gives one from him signed from Dad... thing is I don't want to be obnoxious and sign it from both of us in one card, but I also don't want him to think is weird that I give my own card! I try to think how I'd feel if it was me and I think I'd like to have cards from just my bio parent, and separate from step, so I'm just wondering what other steps do?
SS is 8, and we've been a stepfamily three years 😊

AreWeThereYet000 Sun 02-Jul-17 19:01:01

I sign my card to my DCs from mum and partners name. I had the thinking that if it was separate cards it was separating us and I wanted us to be the family that we are if you know what I mean.

My partner is not my first child's dad but we have a child together so on Father's Day I do a joint card from them both and just write it to dad but I do them a present each that they can choose x

justtiredofcoping Sun 02-Jul-17 19:06:11

I think if you have a good relationship with your step kids then either way is fine -or ask if old enough.

As the EX - it infuriated me that the new partner wrote DCs b day cards etc, from her, EXname( never Dad) and her kids. She was pretending they were all one happy family and nothing could have been further from the truth. Also not writing Dad but his name emphasised this.

YOur relationship sounds so much healthier- ask your SDC

Hidingtonothing Sun 02-Jul-17 19:09:52

I think I'd be inclined to just stick with what you've always done tbh OP, it's one of those things where you set your own rules (as in I don't think there's any existing 'etiquette' for these things) and kids tend to just accept them as normal for their family.

I doubt anyone would think it weird but if SS ever asked I would just say you didn't want him to think you were trying to 'muscle in' on his relationship with his Dad. I would've thought that would just be seen as you being considerate rather than weird.

I sent separate cards til we got married and then switched to joint but I don't know whether that situation would apply for you, don't think it bothered DSC, they've never been all that interested in cards apart from whether there's cash in them grin

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 02-Jul-17 19:35:38

We do cards and gifts from "daddy and my name" as that's what they call me.

The first Xmas after I met them I gave them gifts from me, DH did the rest from him. But by their birthday the next year we did everything from both of us, seemed normal to everyone which was nice and straight forward.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 02-Jul-17 19:40:33

DH writes their cards, while I tend to write most other cards to other people. I happily wrap presents and we choose gifts and cards for them together but my dad writes cards to me from him and my SM and it might seem silly but it feels right, so it seems right DH writes messages for DSC. For years my SM gave separate cards and gifts, no idea when it changed looking back but I can't have noticed it!

Whatever works for you all. As PP said, there's no rule book.

Aeriefairy Sun 02-Jul-17 19:42:40

Thanks everyone for your replies!
AreWeThereYet000 - that's a good point, i suppose that's what concerns me when I say I don't want SS to think it's weird that he gets a card from Dad and a card from me, I don't want him to feel like we are separate - Hidingtonothing I think when we get married I would maybe consider signing my name in 'Dads' card.. but maybe something I would maybe do more when we have our own kids, as SS would then have a bio-link of sorts to me as I would be the mother of his little brother or sister!
justtiredofcoping - I do try to avoid over stepping, we know that SS's mother has no qualms about letting her new partner replace the bio-father and allows overstepping constantly, whereas DP and I have gone in the their direction and been really careful! I might ask SS casually grin I don't want him to think it's a big deal, although it's probably the case that the more cards the better grin I even sent him a Christmas card from the cats last year wink

Aeriefairy Sun 02-Jul-17 19:48:25

AnneLovesGilbert - we do joint everything else, e.g we both buy things for christmas and birthdays, and they're all presented together (though for the first Christmas and birthday I did give pressies from me individually, but since I moved in of course Father Christmas brings the presents in the house so I just play Mrs Christmas now smile) I'm the sort of person who kept all my cards from my parents from birthdays and Christmas and I have sentimental value attached to them so I suppose I just think.. dad will always be SS's dad but I'm not his mum! I know there's no 'right' or 'wrong' ( as long as the child is happy) I just wondered what others do!

SteppingOnToes Mon 03-Jul-17 13:45:18

My DP signs cards for his children from him and me. It was never questioned, he automatically did it which surprised me.

Bananasinpyjamas11 Tue 04-Jul-17 14:32:18

I used to give my own cards and presents at first - as a way of showing that I cared I suppose. As the years have gone on, I usually provide the cards that we all sign, and my DP buys the presents.

TheseAreTheGoodOldDays Tue 04-Jul-17 14:38:58

Yeah my DP (soon to be DH but we've done this for the last couple of years) will sign my DSD's card from Dad and 'the name she calls me'. I tend to buy the card and pick a nice daughter one, and he signs it. We are all a family, I think she's find it strange to get one from each of us.

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