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Step-parenting

Father's Day Cards.

13 replies

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 24/06/2017 07:21

I've been with DH for 4 years and have always bought a card for him from DSS as his mum and DH don't do it for eachother. We have our own DD so card is now signed from both of them.

Gave card last weekend from the kids, DH happy.

Except during the week his ex has now gotton a card plus money from DSS. Bought after the one they gave.

I wouldn't mind but it's the first time she's ever done it so why out of the blue? Especially as me and DH have a baby together, I got one card from both kids so for his ex to then get a bigger card with money in from just their DSS is a bit odd?

I'm probably reading too much into this but she has a history of being difficult so I worry about everything she does. Just looks crap that DSS does two cards and money whilst DD just did a card. I would rather it be consistent between them so easier to arrange myself.

His ex has kids with her hubby. DSS did same card and same money for his SD. But we wouldn't interfere in what her husband was doing for MD as now they have their own kids her husband probably wants to do one thing from all of them.

I haven't said anything to DH as I think I'm probably being OTT just don't want over the years me helping the kids do something thoughtful then DSS giving extras and DD feeling bad we didn't do as much.

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 24/06/2017 07:28

How old are the kids? I think you are probably overthinking this a bit tbh. You/DH were happy with the card you gave initially, if you had wanted to buy a gift you could have. You only know seem unhappy because your card has been trumped by a card and cash. It's a bit odd for DSS Mum to start sending card out the blue but its not a competition. Maybe she felt if DSS was sending her DH a card it was only fair his Dad had one? There are many possibilities here.

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 24/06/2017 07:46

Before she and her DH had their own kids all cards to his SD have been "to a wonderful dad". She refers to DH and her husband as dad but told DSS I'm not to be referred to as mum.

OP posts:
FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 24/06/2017 07:48

I do know I'm overeating aswell and thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Lunar1 · 24/06/2017 08:15

Dss probably just wanted to do one this year. Your dh really isn't going to compare them.

JuicyStrawberry · 24/06/2017 08:28

I understand why you want to keep the cards and gifts consistent between both children to their father. This is going to sound childish but these are children after all and I am trying to see it from their point of view, but to them this extra card and gift could make it feel like a competition.
How old are the children? If dd is only a baby then it wouldn't matter so much. If she's at an age where she's aware about things then yes I can understand why you'd like the cards and gifts to be equal. Like I said they are kids.

TwoDots · 24/06/2017 09:10

This happened to me this year and honestly it put my nose completely out of joint, so I understand where you are coming from x

stitchglitched · 24/06/2017 09:14

Maybe when your DSS saw that he was giving a card and money to his stepdad he asked if he could do it for his Dad too? Or perhaps he wanted to do something for his Dad that was just from him and not shared with his sibling. Although giving money to a parent for father's day seems a bit strange to me!

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 24/06/2017 09:19

Thanks for being so nice everyone. I feel stupid for even posting the OP and I know it sounds like a big overeaction.

My DD is only 1 so yes not an issue it's more when she is 4+ and it is still happening. I don't want to be getting cards from just DD because again it creates inequality and better one card, one gift both kids. And my DH would never see more cards = more love but two children would not see it like that, they would feel bad.

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Underthemoonlight · 24/06/2017 09:54

Seems a very trivial thing TBH sounds like he's asked his DM if he could do the same for his DF which was nice. I don't agree with step parents being called mum and dad so I understand to some degree but does he live full time and was it his choice to call him dad?

msevs · 24/06/2017 09:56

I remember something similar happening on DD's first Father's Day, prior to that the DSC's mother never made much effort for it, if DP received anything at all (his mum bought presents from the children to give him usually).

On this occasion though the DSC gave him a massive card, wine and a big ribbon-wrapped gift. DP has still kept the ribbon-wrapped gift in a display cabinet!

It does feel like a competition, especially if there has been minimal to no effort in previous years. It is especially difficult when DP takes all the effort I make on behalf of our children for granted but is absolutely over the moon when he receives anything from the DSC, even if it is weeks late, but that's another matter I suppose.

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 24/06/2017 11:09

Under I don't think so as DSS told me his mum has told him not to call me mum which is fine as I don't agree with step parents being called mum/ dad either however in the past when we've all met up his mum refers to me by name and both her husband and mine as dad and buys her husband cards saying "there is no dad as good as you". Hmm

That's what bothers me a bit msevs. IO totally understand if my DSS would rather go out with his mum and pick something for his dad himself but should I just get something from our daughter and let him do something with his own mum? I don't want to do that in case next time his mum doesn't do something then there is nothing from DSS just DD.

OP posts:
The1975 · 24/06/2017 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 25/06/2017 10:24

Yes as I don't want division I will continue doing something from both. DD is only 1 but I don't want this to be an issue when she is old enough to pick up on it. I'd have got torn a new one if I had just done it from DD and quite rightly too. I don't want my DD dragged into this mess long term if there turns out to be more sinister intentions.

She has made things hell for us and given she's just had her own kids with her DH we thought that would be the end of it.

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