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Step-parenting

I can't stand my partners kids

59 replies

Naomi12345 · 21/06/2017 16:52

I know it's gonna sound horrible, but I don't want to leave him just because of his kids.
My partner and I live together for a year now the problem I have is his kids( I can't stand them 3 and 9 year old). The agreement between him and his ex was every other weekend kids will be with us(and that was fine with me). We moved to new house, got kids rooms sorted shortly after that I got pregnant and he asked me not to have child and get termination done as he didn't think it he was ready to have another child..I have done termination at age of 28 and I realise that I might have difficulties to get pregnant when I want to but it's done.. Things have changed now his kids are around me during the week days too!! Nor only that when he goes to work I have to look after them!! I hate it and I don't know what to do! If I would of have my own child it might of felt different but at this point I don't want his kids around me apart from every other weekend as agreed. They mess the house up, they eat like pigs(I found food in their beds), they scream and shout, they are just spoiled brats! Should I tell him how I feel or should I just pack my stuff and leave? Sometimes I feel like locking myself in a room and leave them there crying( and I understand it's bad....). Thnx for advise..

OP posts:
Madbum · 21/06/2017 16:57

He should be arranging proper childcare while he's at work but this relationship is not going to work if you hate his children. They will always be there and will always come first.
The children will pick up on your hatred of them and that can cause emotional damage, as sad as you will be to leave your partner I think it's the right thing to do.
Were you happy with the decision to terminate? It doesn't seem so from what you've said in your OP.

Naomi12345 · 21/06/2017 17:14

Honestly, I was devastated to terminate pregnancy and the more I think about it the more anger I build towards his children.. Why do I have to look after them and spend time with his kids if he thought it was a very bed timing to have ur own? When his kids are with us the weekend and I decide to go visit my family in Manchester you can see how unhappy he gets.. He wants to involve me into everything they do like school runs, holidays, breaks away etc. I don't want that. It's his kids why do I have to run after them?

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/06/2017 17:16

If he can't see how miserable you are then he is using you for free childcare...
Nobody is happy so I suggest you finish things. .

PovertyJetset · 21/06/2017 17:17

You need to move on form this guy, he pressured you into a termination. This is hugely out of order. You don't like his kids, this is incredibly damaging for them as they grow up. Do them a favour and end the relationship as it will NEVER WORK.

SuperPug · 21/06/2017 17:24

I cannot blame you for feeling huge resentment if you are looking after his kids and he insisted you terminate your pregnancy. It doesn't sound like they have great boundaries but that doesn't make them really bad kids.
I would move on immediately - do you want this for yourself in 1,5,10 years time?

Ineverdidmind · 21/06/2017 17:28

Don't waste any more time with this man, you are flogging a dead horse. If you want your own kids, not step kids, find a man who wants that too, and wants it with you.
It's not fair on those kids and it's not fair on you.

mellowbean · 21/06/2017 17:29

Sounds like your his skivvy. I would go away for the next few weekends and be unable to do drop offs etc just to assess the situation.

Yes his kids are part of his package but you're not their mother so he needs to get child care sorted.

NowtAbout · 21/06/2017 17:30

He is the problem not his poor kids. I'm sorry you were pressurised into having a termination that is a horrible thing to have happen.

Have you told him you don't want to look after his kids.

I'm sorry to say I don't think this relationship will work for any of you.

squirreltrap · 21/06/2017 17:34

You don't have to do this!

He does sound like he's looking to you to be childminder and domestic slave

Do you really want this?

You are 28 and I'd imagine you don't really. I hope you can move on

Naomi12345 · 21/06/2017 17:43

I did mention that this is getting on top of me but all I hear is how horrible their mum is and how he and his kids love me. I know his kids don't love me and it's not my job to judge their mum as I only met her 3-4 times. I have very good full time job it's not like I'm depending on him re: money or things. We are renting out 3 bed house just coz of his kids and paying rent and bills 50/50.. Sometimes he just brings them home without advising me and I don't appreciate that sort of behaviour as I might want to bring friends home but I don't know different until I'm back.

OP posts:
LanaDReye · 21/06/2017 17:48

At 28 you have time to grieve and to move on. Leave it years and things will just get harder?

Janeismymiddlename · 21/06/2017 17:52

You can bring friends home but he can't bring his kids home?

Did you not consider the 'what if....' of step parenting? What if mum dies? Is unable to cope? Decides she no longer wants to be PWC? Did you discuss how parenting his children would work? Have you made it clear that you are unhappy with the current situation?

Did you not discuss 'what if I get pregnant' before embarking on a sexual relationship with this man? Surely you were aware he was unsure about additional children or did he change his mind?

Gemini69 · 21/06/2017 17:54

he is a GRADE A manipulator Sweetheart... you can't have your OWN child but your forced to Mother HIS kids... your a live in Nanny

kick this into touch FAST...

Naomi12345 · 21/06/2017 18:07

All I said it would be nice to know that they are coming. Knowing that they shouldn't be there in a first place. It's not that difficult to discuss things before taking any action. Why do I receive emergency calls then? Leave them out until I'm back home and tell me then.. kid cut his lip or got sick in a school.
It's not my time and place put parenting guide as I have no kids and I don't think it's fare for me to take on full responsibility knowing that they have parents who guide them though their life. I don't even want his kids around me why should I plan things? I let them into my home for them to spend time with their dad is that not enough? Do I sacrifice my life for someone else kids just coz you think it's the right thing to do?
Pregnancy wasn't in my plans too but it happened. Things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. I was gonna keep the child he didn't want it. Simple as.

OP posts:
FidgetSpinner · 21/06/2017 18:09

Fuck that! He's massively taking the piss. LTB and don't go out with anyone who has kids.

Orangetoffee · 21/06/2017 18:14

The kids are not the problem here, your partner is! He is using you as a nanny, housekeeper etc and pressured you in having a termination. He is not worth the hurt, get rid.

Janeismymiddlename · 21/06/2017 18:15

Do I sacrifice my life for someone else kids just coz you think it's the right thing to do?

Did you consider at all what would happen if mum was no longer able to care for her children? Why are his kids not part of the deal?

I let them into my home for them to spend time with their dad is that not enough?

Is it not your partner's home too?

I don't think it's fare for me to take on full responsibility

You look after them when he works or you are providing for these children 365 days of the year financially, practically and emotionally? It is not fair they are left with you on his parenting time, but have you discussed this with him? What would happen if you refuse?

Emmageddon · 21/06/2017 18:20

This relationship is never going to work. His children don't deserve to be in the presence of someone who actively hates them, that will be extremely damaging for them.

I completely understand your resentment though, and I urge you to start living the life you want, instead of the life your DP wants you to live.

Find somewhere else to live, access some counselling to deal with your grief about your termination, and one day, you will meet someone who will have the same goals and aspirations as you, who will want a future that includes having children together, and who will cherish and appreciate you.

Broccolirevolution · 21/06/2017 18:21

This man makes you

  1. get a termination
  2. pay 50/50 for a house you only use 1/3 of
  3. look after his kids like a free au pair.

    The 3 and 9 year old have no control over where they get sent re mum or dad.

    The problem is the man not the kids. You should not hate the kids - IT'S THE MAN!
elevenclips · 21/06/2017 18:24

Leave. Seriously, he's treating you like a childminding, cash dispensing sex doll with no feelings.

MattBerrysHair · 21/06/2017 18:34

Have you ever told him that you aren't prepared to take on his dc? I don't understand how he 'makes' you look after them. You just say no!

The resentment should be directed at your dp, not the children. They didn't have a choice in who their parents are, the divorce, or who their parents new partners were. Kids just want time with their parents, and they are entitled to it. Your dp, however, is massively disrespectful and takes you for granted. Your anger should be pointed that way.

JuicyStrawberry · 21/06/2017 19:01

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through Sad Pressuring you in to having an abortion when you didn't want one is in my opinion unforgivable. To then expect you to run around for him and carry on as normal (e.g. Doing all childcare when you're not up to it) is just rubbing salt in the wounds.
He's the one in the wrong, not his kids. He sounds so selfish!

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Angelik · 21/06/2017 19:11

Pp are right. You need to move on. I don't think he's using you. Taking on a partner with children is extending a family. You can't create a new one. If you're not prepared to accept the whole package and act as a loving, caring, sharing partner by supporting him then you need to find a partner without children.

Do the right thing for everyone including you and move on.

twattymctwatterson · 21/06/2017 19:34

I mean this kindly because you are hurting but it's not the kids. They sound like normal kids and honestly calling a 3 year old a brat and saying you hate them is really horrible. You feel this way because your partner made you have a termination and is now pushing you to look after his children. Please leave him, as much for the kids sake as yours. The way he's treated you is terrible, equally it would be so damaging for those children to grow up with the kind of feelings you have for them

Madbum · 21/06/2017 19:52

The pressure about the abortion is abhorrent and unforgivable.
I also agree with PP that he's using you as free childcare and doesn't care about what you want or care very much for you at all.

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