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Just need a little support & guidance​

(11 Posts)
Minidaffodil Fri 16-Jun-17 13:35:03

Hello everyone,
An ex came onto the scene two months ago with a three year old she had kept from him, she left whilst being pregnant when the relationship was going sour but he didn't know, but to lower the blow told him she is pretty sure she has breast cancer and so they got a paternal it was his but only had a check up for the lump so she lied to lower the blow of lying about the baby... Then she told him he needs to move her and the baby into his apartment or he will cause his baby psychological damage but he said no he loves me, but then she kept threatening to take the baby from him unless he took her in and they had a relationship together for the child, he still has a soft spot for his ex because of the baby and believes everything she says, but he told me she's manipulative and has hit him a couple of times... but rarely (not that that should matter)
So anyway she got her way and he moved them in because his mum told him he should do the right thing man up and be there for his child even when he told her he loved me, and she told him you have no future with her (which really he has been throughout even though she didn't tell him about the child he hasn't been nasty or bitter)
And so now he's told me he's doing the right thing for his child being in a relationship with the mother and them living there. Saying to me he can maybe learn to love her, but he says he wants me and loves me so much and misses me but doesn't see a future with me because this is what everyone else wants him to do. Because it's the Asian way to do things.
Even though from the start I told him I would take on the child and we were planning our future together before the threats and everyone getting involved.

I'm deeply upset. And know there's nothing I can do or say. And that they are now playing happy families whilst he tells me I love you I miss you....
I just need advice maybe someone's been through this before?

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 16-Jun-17 13:42:34

Run for the hills.
Forget about him, and count your blessings you have had a lucky escape.
He is stringing you along.
Dont become his 'bit on the side' as he has no respect for you.
He could have had a relationship with his son without moving his sons mother in. Thousands of people manage it.
This man does not love you.

Lunar1 Fri 16-Jun-17 14:35:00

Run for the hills! His isn't how your life should be.

Minidaffodil Fri 16-Jun-17 14:36:43

But he's saying that he wants it to be easier for me not having a step son or having to deal with his ex or feeling like I've come second... He says that he wants what's best for his child and to have him with him all the time when he's not working but that comes with the package of his ex, he says he doesn't want to psychologically damage his son or have him taken away from him as she's threatened and he has no leg to stand on if that happens. Xxx

Minidaffodil Fri 16-Jun-17 14:38:50

Because of all the future planning we did and talked about I already wanted us all to be a family and ready to look after that little boy. Xxx

swingofthings Sat 17-Jun-17 09:40:58

So anyway she got her way and he moved them in because his mum told him he should do the right thing man up and be there for his child even when he told her he loved me, and she told him you have no future with her (which really he has been throughout even though she didn't tell him about the child he hasn't been nasty or bitter)

No, he moved in with her because he does want a relationship with her. You say yourself he still has a soft spot for her. You are being very naive if you think that he is doing it as of duty of being his mum told him to.

This is a man who probably never stopped loving his ex, who I expect dumped him rather than the other way around, and who went crawling back to her when she realised that life was too short after her cancer scare and that she did want a family with him after all, and although he had grown to care or love you too, being with his ex and baby makes him happier than being with you.

Move on and please don't take him back if he comes crawling back because they had an argument and he suddenly think that life is greener with you after all. Life with him in these conditions, ie. an ex who will always have a hold on him and him not being sure what he wants, is not worth it.

CrazedZombie Sat 17-Jun-17 18:22:11

You need to realise that you've dodged a bullet.
His mum's wishes are more important than his own. If you had kids, he would be doing what she wants and taking her side over yours.
I'm confused about the relationship between them. Does his soft spot mean he's happy to be back with her? Are you like a second wife now?

TiredMumToTwo Sat 17-Jun-17 19:31:01

Run & don't look back.

PatriciaHolm Sun 18-Jun-17 21:39:54

He doesn't see a future with you. Pretty clear cut, I think.

Block his number and move on.

cappy123 Tue 20-Jun-17 00:38:47

Sorry. Not sure how many women you'll find on here who are prepared to stay and wait for a guy who says he wants them, whilst living with his child's mother. What would you tell a friend of yours in this situation?

LouHotel Sat 24-Jun-17 15:12:56

Dont be a fool. You've been dumped for another women who happens to be the mother of his child.

Cut ties, block his number and social media accounts and surround yourself with family and friends. Dont allow him to manipulate you into becoming the OW. Because if he's now living with someone else that is exactly what you'll be.

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