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Toys at each house

(8 Posts)
threepinkflamingos Tue 16-May-17 19:22:57

My DPs DSD (5) from his previous relationship stays with us 50% of the time with my DPs DS (9 months) and I was wondering what people do about toys in each house.

We have lots of toys here for both of them but each time DPs DSD goes home she wants to take her toys with her & when she's told no it results in a strop

She's been told lots of times that if she takes them back with her then she'll have nothing to play with here. Every time something goes to her mums it takes us months and months to get them back (if ever, it's the same with clothes, baby bottles etc)

We have lots of nice things for both of them, we don't want to be shelling out for new things every month or so cause they end up having nothing here cause everything's at their mums .

What does everyone else do regarding toys/clothes at both houses etc

Thanks smile

somethingwitty3432 Tue 16-May-17 19:24:56

Talk to their other parent & agree one toy is taken/brought in both directions every time

Wdigin2this Tue 16-May-17 21:39:12

Just say no! My grandkids come to mine, and sometimes ask to take toys home, I say the same thing every time, these are Granny's house toys, if you take them home there'll be nothing to play with when you cone back. They grizzle a bit about it, but they're used to me saying no....and meaning it!

user1486334704 Wed 17-May-17 08:49:36

Stand firm... you will end up with a pile of toys and clothes purchased by you at their Mum's house (and if you dare ask for them back you would be 'punishing the children'). From experience!

VerySadInside Wed 17-May-17 08:57:41

My parents did this to me and it's horrible. They are her toys and both the house are her home. Imagine being told you can't take your own things home with you! Eventually I was given a small bag and could put whatever I wanted in it, agreement by both mum and dad. I understood if I took stuff from one house I'd have to take stuff back when I returned or there'd be nothing to play with.

user1486334704 Wed 17-May-17 09:12:07

VerySad - agree totally that's what should happen - we tried it - but it requires both parents to cooperate in making sure that toys and belongings do come back. That repeatedly didn't happen for us.

threepinkflamingos Wed 17-May-17 10:21:10

Thanks everyone! I'd be more than happy to let her take toys between houses if they ever came back, but when one parent doesn't care or want to cooperate then it makes it so much harder to make it worksad

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 17-May-17 10:31:49

You and DP both have to be firm. Yes she'll grizzle if she's used to taking things back to her Mum's but she'll get used to the new normal if you're consistent.

It's a lovely idea that the clothes and toys belong to the child but like user says, it's only possible if it's a two-way street. If it's not, it's the child who misses out through the grabbiness/thoughtlessness of the other parent who doesn't play ball and the child is left with no clothes or toys (which, come on, the child isn't really going to understand, 5 year olds live in the moment!) and you spending a fortune on stuff you'll never see her enjoy.

My DSC are a bit older so they now understand it better. Gifts from other people stay in the home they were given to as much as possible and we try to make sure that things we give them stay here. They also know what's happened when they've taken back things they've made or baked with us which we've been happy for them to take to Mum's - she chucks it straight in the bin hmm

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