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Can I just have a whinge? Does anyone wanna join in?

(7 Posts)
phoenixtherabbit Sun 14-May-17 22:13:40

Just to clarify - don't wanna whinge about my ss, wanna whinge about his mum.

I was gonna name change for this but thought fuck it why should I. I post the good and the advice I wanna post the bad tonight.

I cannot deal with this hypocrite any longer.

Ss lives with me and dp now, but until earlier this year always lived with his mum and visited us on days/nights stipulated by her. These were to remain unchanged always and no reason would be good enough to swap these days/nights. Not even me going into labour.

However now he lives with us she is forever chopping and changing when she does and doesn't want to see him, and because dp is not an arsehole this continues to happen because he wants ss to see his mum and maintain a relationship with her. She says its for work but really it's because she's out on the piss or hungover, and she very cleverly tells ss that (he's 12) who then tells us. And yet we let it carry on for the sake of ss, even though she would have raised hell over it the other way round. If me and dp ever went out (not even on nights we had ss) she would text having a go because 'we must have too much money to spend if we're out again' - I can literally count on two hands how many nights out we've had in the past 4 years.

She also has not paid one single penny in maintenance as of yet. Nothing. No other contributions either. Me and dp replaced all his clothes and uniform (not including what he already had at our house) because it was all knackered, too small had holes in or marks on or whatever. We've spent a small fortune and for a lot of this time were paying maintenance to her for ss even though he lived here. Bloody useless csa.

Dp has always paid maintenance, what the csa have told him to, and bought things on top like uniform, clothes, paid for school trips etc. She would often ring/text him last minute asking for things, and kick off if he said no (which to be fair wasn't very often and only for the things like 'I want to buy ss an Xbox for Christmas will you buy it' erm nope!) yet she literally contributes sweet fuck all to her child.

I know for a fact she posts all over facebook about her perfect son and how she loves him and he's been taken away from her, when in fact it was him who told her he wanted to move out with absolutely no involvement from us!

I just really cannot cope with this idiot woman any longer and yet I know I will have to until ss is at least 18!

I'm just sick of her awful behaviour and her reluctance to have any responsibility to her own child and yet her friends and family and even dps family think she is the bloody victim! I feel sorry for ss having such a shitty mother. And yet I can't do a thing about it!

Ahhhhhh rant over! Can anyone sympathise 😂

workingmumsarebad Sun 14-May-17 22:55:42

Oh yes - just mine is a feckless useless father who thinks clothes, food, activities get paid for from thin air !

Oswin Mon 15-May-17 00:04:20

Yeah dds dad sounds just like her, you have just made me realise ive got another bloody ten years of him!

She's a scumbag. How can anyone think they shouldn't pay for their children. Baffles me. I have walked around with Holey clothes and boots with holes so big they were pointless just so dd could have new summer clothes.
Selfish bastards.

swingofthings Mon 15-May-17 05:56:41

She sounds like a hurt teenager having a tantrum 'you manipulated my kid because you always wanted what I had, now that you've been successful and you've got him, I'm going to do what I want and it's you who's going to stop me'.

Deep breath, let it rise above you and when you feel like screaming, do remember that indeed, your ss has chosen to live with you and his dad and that that's because he must have felt very much like you for quite some time.

phoenixtherabbit Mon 15-May-17 07:39:19

In an awful weird way I'm glad it's not just me. I now understand how my mum felt for all those years. My dad still owes her thousands in child support but she'll never see it now!

I just could not imagine not providing for my child just to spite my ex, what's worse is that she was a normal, logically thinking woman who was (seemed like?) a good mum when I first started seeing dp. Oh how times have changed!

Like you say I would go without for both kids (and have done!) whilst she won't.

A few weeks ago he went to her house straight from school forgot to take clothes for the Saturday, he is old enough to know better, granted. But instead of coming to collect clothes from here (10 min drive) or going to asda or similar if she really didn't want to come here, she dressed him in a pair of her jeans and a top. She then sent him to football training like this. I honestly had to practice deep breathing techniques to not lose my shit over that incident. Dp is quite laid back but even he was angry about that. Surely clothing a child is a basic need. I mean if she'd have called dp he would have taken an outfit over as much as he might of been a bit annoyed that she couldn't sort it herself.

When ss moved out she threw a fit and packed all his clothes instead of keeping some back so he has absolutely nothing at her house now.

SandyY2K Mon 15-May-17 18:48:00

she really didn't want to come here, she dressed him in a pair of her jeans and a top. She then sent him to football training like this.

This doesn't sound like a mentally stable human being TBH.

Whilst I get how pissed off you are with her, that just demonstrates she has a screw or two missing, because no normal caring parent to would do this,when there was an option to get his clothes from your house.

Her behaviour in throwing away his stuff when he moved out, also isn't the behaviour of a well balanced mother.

No doubt she was displaying these behaviours while your DSS was living with her, hence he decided to he wanted to move out.

What you're experiencing is what so many mums do, like your own mum. It just seems harder to accept, when a woman does it, because it's not the norm.

It's a shame she hasn't looked within herself to find out where she went wrong.

phoenixtherabbit Mon 15-May-17 20:12:57

I don't think she is mentally stable personally but there's not much I could say or do to make her realise that she perhaps needs some help.

It's usually dad's that act like morons so yeah I suppose it's harder to stomach. It's getting to the point where I wish I'd never even met dp now.

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