So I snapped with their mum

[wheresthel1ght]

OK I know I was an idiot but I am so sick of always being in the wrong with my dscs dm.

That bloody woman has let herself into my house again this morning and not even bringing the kids in as we collected them yesterday. Dss was meant to return all the borrowed items for his dofe exhibition yesterday, Dp asked for the. As they were t with everything else. Dss says mum wouldn't let him bring them. Wtf??? They were borrowed from a friend of mine so not her decision. It the. Turns out she has t unpacked or washed them. Dp said fine, drop them off at ours and wheres will sort it.

She must have appeared whilst the kids were walking the dogs (having left the bloody door unlocked which I have dealt with) and I was as hanging washing out, so she has let herself in and dumped the stuff in then Hall. No phone call, text nothing. She has my number, my car was on drive, she knows my phone details and both the kids b have phones.

I have seen red and sent her a text. It wasn't rude and wasn't sweary hence and not calling her as I wasn't sure my temperature would hold. Text says she is never to enter my house again without invitation.

Dp is asleep as he was on nights do only got home at 7am. She hasn't replied to me but I suspect the will have a go at him.

I have no idea why I am posting, I warned Dp to deal with her after last time and I am fairly sure he hasn't. But I did tell hi. If it happened again I would not hold my tongue.

So how much shit am I gonna be on do we think?

[wheresthel1ght]

Sorry the phone app has removed all my paragraphs

[Teabagtits]

You were right. She has no right to enter your house without your remission. I find that a bit creepy

[cansu]

So she arrived knocked you were outside and didnt hear her. So she opened door and left them in the hall. You have massively over reacted.

[kittybiscuits]

Wow cansu can you do me a reading later?

[DramaInPyjamas]

I'd be annoyed too if I was summonsed to return items then found out nobody was at home, I'd have dumped them too

[cansu]

Kitty try reading the op. All the info is in there oddly enough.

[wheresthel1ght]

No she doesn't have a key, it has also never been her home.

People were home if she had bothered to call.

Either way she has no right to waltz in uninvited. She has form for this and I am sick of it

[KatharinaRosalie]

From her perspective, she was told to come drop things off. She sees the car is there, so someone is home. Probably knocks, nobody opens. I would have tried the door too, and just dropped the things in the hall.
Bit of an over-reaction unless there's a massive back story about her regularly letting herself in and going through your underwear or something.

[EweAreHere]

I read it the same was cansu did: OP was in the back garden hanging out laundry, OP's husband was asleep, kids out walking the dog and left the door unlocked, so no one answered the door and she opened it and dumped it all in the hallway.

If you're not happy, tell the kids not to leave the door unlocked.

She returned the stuff.

I do think you over reacted and the text was probably a mistake.

[wheresthel1ght]

Drama she was well aware it needed to be returned today. So if she is pissed off she should be pissed off at herself not us as she failed to meet the terms of it being borrowed

[VimFuego101]

Do you have a porch/ entranceway she could have left them in? If not, I can see why you're annoyed, but where would you have preferred she leave them? (Yes, she should have called first).

I suspect this is the straw that broke the camel's back as it seems fairly innocuous on its own.

[gamerchick]

I suspect this is the straw that broke the camel's back as it seems fairly innocuous on its own

Yep ^^

Unfortunately the ex can now look like the victim because she has a text about that one little harmless thing. But it sounds like this battles been a long time coming. Good luck OP, if your dude stands firm with you it should be short lived.

[DramaInPyjamas]

"Drama she was well aware it needed to be returned today. So if she is pissed off she should be pissed off at herself not us as she failed to meet the terms of it being borrowed"

^^

So, she returned it today - as requested by yourself - and you were not there to get it.

[wheresthel1ght]

Definitely last straw. She waltzes in whenever she feels like it and kicks off if the house is locked up.

No porch, just into the house.

I have told Dp to. E and time again to speak to her about boundaries or would so he bloody better stand by me or he may find himself living out of his car

[QuiteLikely5]

Might she have knocked first?

[wheresthel1ght]

Quite - on past history I doubt it

[workingmumsarebad]

OP - on this occasion you have gone OTT.

DSS borrowed the stuff for Dof E - not his mother. Ergo he is old enough to do things himself.
He was asked where is it - he blamed his mother ( get out myself out of it lie)
Why is Mum responsible for washing it - he has a DF aswell?

She brings it round as asked - no one answers and she drops it in the hallway and leaves. Not exactly waltzing in - if she had left it on the doorstep and it had been stolen you would have been unhappy.

what did you expect her to do, keep dropping round until she hit the jackpot and someone answered the door?

this time you were OTT.

[wheresthel1ght]

Working - I would normally wholeheartedly agree with you however I am not overdramatising when I be ay she is as controlling as they come. She (at her own admission after screeching at me for not doing so) still lays his other outdoor school/social stuff. He is not allowed to dress himself. When Dp asked him on Friday where his stuff was she had a go at Dp for expecting a child to know and for not asking her. Honestly if you search my posts there is an age of history which adding in here would have made for an epic post.

It may seem benignly simple to you all, but imagine how you would feel if you felt unable to do anything in your own home without fear that some random who has no right to be there suddenly waltzing in.

As I said in the op, I know I shouldn't have done it but I have argued with Dp time and time again to deal with her and he has avoided it. He knows this is a huge issue for me and he was told after the incident 2 weeks ago that if he didn't sort it I would.

She has zero boundaries and it is rude and disrespectful - I have put up with it for 5 years. And I am tired of being the one to have to be nice about it when she is doing it to make the pointthat she has he control

[workingmumsarebad]

The problem is your DP - he needs to grow a big pair of hairy kahunas and set the boundaries!

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

I have read previous threads. . She sound horrific.
Buy a huge beasty bloody dog and train it well.
Pinned down by the throat til only you can give the command to release should do it.

[MaisyPops]

Sounds like she is a whole level of bizarre.

Child borrowed equipment.
Mum refuses to ensure equipment is returned (probably to cause a scene)
You say you need the equipment and it wasn't her call.
She doesn't call to arrange a drop off, turns up, let's herself in and disappears.


Sounds to me like she's working on her own little rule of "I'm the mam. You're not therefore I can do as I like because nobody can criticise their mam".

But, you do have a DP problem for him allowing her to act like this. He needs to be supporting you 100% in setting boundaries. Otherwise she does have control because every time she does a stunt like this she causes disagreement in your relationship which I suspect is what she wants because she's a nuttet

[tattychicken]

She's not some random though is she? She's your step children's mum. I really think you've over reacted.

[jacketej]

I am a step mum too, I wouldn't enter my step sons mum house without being invited. SS is 14 and has asked me to pick things up from there before, (laziness , and that she wasn't home) but I refused as I have that respect towards her property. I would expect her to do the same to me.
So I'd be pissed off if i was you! I'd expect some respect, at least the courtesy text of " wasn't sure if anyone was in as knocked, left X in the hallway, hope that's okay!"
If it was my friend I'd totally go into her house unannounced as it's my friend. Guesses are , like us your not friends and tolerate each other!!

[MaisyPops]

She's not some random though is she? She's your step children's mum.
And mums can behave however they like can't they on MN? But step-parent who challenge biological mums when they're out of order must be the devil.

Nobody has the right to enter a house without permission. I don't care if she's the children's mum, the local landlord or Joe Blogger I've never met before. They are not welcome to just let themselves into my house.

OP is totally right to be annoyed